Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh.

Radioactive Osaka
By Silver Sailor Ganymede

"I HATE PHYSICS CLASS!" Tomo's proclimation, so loud it made birds in the surrounding area fly off in shcok, piereced through the air on a warm, sunny Tuesday afternood.

"You hate everything if it isn't connected to Lupin, Interpol, supermodels, idols or food," Yomi stated. "But what is it this time? Didn't you understand it?"

"Understand it? Understand it? I don't even know what understand means, so of course I didn't understand it!" Tomo yelled.

"That's probably true," Yomi sighed, wishing for her 'wild cat' of a friend to shut up for one.

"I didn't get it either," Osaka dreamily stated, staring up at the clouds. "But one thing I really didn't get was this…"

"What?" Tomo asked, suddenly interested.

"Yanno, if Plutonium come from Pluto, doesn't that mean Pluto's radiative? And Neptune and Uranus. But whaddabout Saturn? I'd have thought it'd be the most radioactive coz of all the rocks round it and stuff…"

"What?" Tomo frowned, confused again. "How are rocks radioactive?"

"There're little men inside them with radioactive stuffage putting the radoative stuff into the rocks and things like that," Osaka replied, which just made Tomo even more confused. "Hey Yomi, can you tell me something?"

"What is it?" Yomi sighed, afraid to even find out what was going on in the Osakan's mind.

"Well Plutonium's from Pluto, Uranium's from Uranus, and Neptunium from Neptune. So if they got an element from Saturn it'd be Saturnium, right?"

"So everything that ends in 'ium' is from an alien planet?" Yomi raised an eyebrow.

"Uh-huh," Osaka nodded, "Hey, hang on a sec, yanno that guy…"

"What guy?" Tomo butted in.

"Albus Einstein or something…"

"Osaka, you mean Albert Einstien," Yomi corrected.

"Who?" Tomo asked, completely unaware of who on earth Einstein was and wondering what this had to do with the rant Osaka had been off on a few seconds before.

"Albert Einstein," Yomi repeated, exasperated. "You do know who Albert Einstein was, right?"

"Some sort of weird Visual Kei group?" Tomo suggested, still completely oblivious, and Yomi resisted the urge to bash someone's head in to the closest wall – preferabley Tomo's.

"Tomo, Einstein was a scientist. Probably one of the most influential people of the twentieth century," Yomi replied. "You know, theory of relativity, EMC2, any of that ring a bell?"

"What, you mean I'm related to some weird German scientist dude?"

Yomi sweatdropped, "The theory of relativity has nothing to do with relatives, understood?"

"I don't get it," Tomo whined. "Anyway I was sure Albert Einstein was a band… had a song called 'King of gluttony' or something…"

"You're thinking of Schwarz Stein – and by the way the song was called 'Queen of decadence,'" Yomi groaned, wondering how Tomo was still functioning if she was so slow.

"How can an E be anything but an E?" Osaka asked, "Was it put under radioative stuff and mutated?"

Yomi sweatdropped, "You really are behind on everything, Osaka."

"Anyways I was saying something about Einstein earlier, wasn't I?" Osaka said. "Well yanno if everything ending in –ium comes from an alien planet… then wouldn't their be a planet out there called Einstein?"

"What are you on about now?" Yomi groaned, feeling a headache coming on fast.

"And if the stuff is called Einsteinium, and the planet's called Einstein, wouldn't Albus Einstein have been the prince of his planet or
something?" Osaka asked.

"So when they find Osakaium, that'll mean you're queen of planet Osaka, right?" Tomo said.

"More like the only person on 'planet Osaka,'" Yomi mumbled under her breath, but neither of the two Numbnuts heard her.

"I'm an alien?" Osaka blinked in shock. "I'm an alien… always knew the dust bunnies knew more than I thought they would…"

Osaka began walking off, muttering to herself, but Tomo and Yomi caught up with her quickly.

"Osaka, remember when you bought that straight-jacket off Ebay?" Yomi said suddenly.


"Well they're going to be giving you another one for free soon if you're not careful."

Osaka stood there silently for a moment, blinked and then said, "But why would I want another one? I've already got one…"

Yomi groaned; Osaka really did act like she'd been subjected to abnormally high levels of radiation. Either that or she really was some sort of alien.