Hiya! Ayumi Elric, here to present an new fanfic! It's completely stupid, and I might gain a one way ticket back to the asylum for writing it! XD

WARNING: THIS FANFIC MAY CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE, NAUSEA AND OTHER UNPLEASANT STUFFS. NOT TO BE READ FOR THE WEAK OF HEART AND THE NON-HUMOROUS! ANYTHING CAUSED BY READING THIS FANFIC IS NOT THE AUTHORS FAULT! BY CONTINUING, YOU INSURE THAT IT'S YOUR FAULT! (only kidding of course)

Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist is created not by me, but by a certain author who might be pissed if she finds out what I'm doing with her characters. No money made, spent or bathed in.

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"ED!" Roy screamed.

Ed looked up with big, innocent golden eyes. "Yes Colonel?" He asked sweetly.

"Why the hell is there a bathtub in my office?!" Roy yelled as he stood at the doorway. He stared at the porcelain bathtub sitting in the middle of his office for a minute. "Is that mine?!"

Ed looked at the bathtub with a curious look. "…yes." He said, stirring something inside. "Your window was open." He said simply.

Roy watched him. "Ed, what are you doing?" He questioned after a while.

Before Ed could answer, Al climbed in through the open window. "Brother, I got it!" He announced, holding up a steaming bowl of chicken soup.

"Great, pour it in!" Ed replied cheerfully.

As Al poured the soup in, Roy blinked. "What's that?" He asked, peering over Ed's shoulder. He gawked at the thick, shit colored substance being mixed with the yellow soup. Noodles and small veggies floated about. "Ugh! What is that?!"

"Poup!" Ed and Al said proudly.

"Poop?" Roy echoed, staring at it. "You're mixing poop with soup…"

"No, you retard. Poup. P-O-U-P." Ed said slowly.

"Its soup and pudding mixed together!" Al explained.

"That's-"Roy stared,

"Genius, I know!" Ed beamed. "I came up with the name."

Roy stared at the poup, his face starting to pale. "Well…I think it's time to get reacquainted with my lunch…" He muttered.

"It's really good though." Al said, pouting. "This is the best flavor, Chocolate Chicken."

Ed nodded. "And there's Banana Beef, Vanilla Vegetable, Strawberry Stew…"

Roy shook his head in disgust. "You guys are idiots." He said, walking to his desk and starting to work on his paperwork.

-

"Heeeey, Mustang." Ed sang, jumping onto his desk and planting his arse onto some paperwork Roy was working on.

Roy sighed, aggravated. "What is it Ed?" He growled, putting his pen down.

Ed fiddled with his braid for a second, chewing on the end. "You know those times, when you have to take a dump, and it just kinda gets lodged up there? So you push and push and like, really straining when it finally comes out and makes a big splash so your ass is wet with crappy-shit water?" He asked.

Roy groaned, covering his face with his hands. "Ed…"

The blond blinked. "That just happened you know. Now I feel moist." He squirmed around a bit.

"Ew!" Roy yelled, rudely shoving Ed off his desk, and stared at the wet butt imprint on his paperwork. (whoo! I'd love one of those! Kidding…)

Ed looked at the damp paper. "Here, let me sign that for you." He said, whipping out a pen and scrawling 'Love, Ed.' on the paper in sloppy script. He then examined the butt print. "Hey, my butt ain't that big!" He scowled.

"Edward, don't you have…poup to make?" Roy asked, his eye twitching slightly.

"Nah, Al and I ate it already." Ed scratched his head. "That's why I had to go crap. And I think Al has food poisoning now. That's what Dr. S said. Must have been some bad soup, right?"

Roy stood up. "Okay Ed, nice talking to you. But there's a brick wall over there that my face has to come in contact with. Very. Hard." Roy strolled out of the office.

"Geez, what stuck up his ass?" Ed commented, chewing on his braid again.

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That was by far, one of the stupidest things I ever wrote…let's see if I can top it in the next chapter!

At first I thought it would be hard to make Ed and Al act like idiots. Since I love them so much. But it was fairly easy:D Please review! Flames are welcome; it's starting to get cold in my house.