I Will Write Upon Him-------------
Notes: Title taken from, surprise surprise! The book of Revelations. Never let it bes said that I can't think of an original title. :) For those interested folk, this is the full quote: I will write upon him my new name. Revelation, 3.12. Also, this is my first actual story written in a VERY long time. Feedback is loved and fawned over. :)
Spencer stared down at the two little glass bottles nestled in the palm of his hand. They had been warm when he pulled them out of Tobias' pocket and he closed his eyes in shame. Weak. He was weak. Weak for thinking he needed what was in the bottles. He had been so horrified, begging please no no no, please don't, unable to look away as Tobias depressed the plunger.
After, after, after. Nothing hurt. Spencer had been swept away on a river of something he had never felt before. For just the briefest of seconds, he'd been…happy. Blissfully so. The pain and the terror faded to a dull roar and Spencer Reid had floated away from reality without so much as a whimper.
It was terrifying.
It was exhilarating.
He wanted to feel that again. Had to, didn't he? Why shouldn't he be happy, even if it only lasted for a second or two? Spencer closed his fingers around the bottles and squeezed them, hearing and feeling the glass grind together. Happiness was so close, so very close, and all his problems would go away. What a simple solution. Spencer coughed out a laugh, wondering why he hadn't thought of it before.
It was Gideon, coming towards him, flashlight bobbing up and down as he navigated the uneven ground. The pool of light passed over Tobias' face and reflected off his dead eyes. Spencer flinched back from the sight and gasped when something in his chest flared up in white hot pain. Cracked or broken rib, his mind diagnosed. Most likely caused by the CPR. Tobias hadn't been gentle. Gentle. Spencer laughed, unable to stop the broken, hysterical sound from escaping.
God. He was, to quote Morgan, so fucked. Kidnapped, tortured, drugged, terrorized. Spencer Reid was having a bad night.
What he held in his hand could make this bad night go away. What he held in his hand could make him forget it all. Forget the throbbing pain in his foot, his head, his everything.
He could forget it all.
"Spencer." Gideon again. Closer now, crouching down next to Spencer and reaching for him. He couldn't stop himself from jerking backward, away from Gideon's hand, Gideon's concerned gaze. The quick movement awakened more aches and pains and he couldn't stop the tears from welling up.
"I…" he rocked forward, trying to curl up and that hurt too and he still had those little glass bottles. The ones that could make everything go away. Just for a second they could make everything go away and he was.
He was weak. Spencer Reid was weak. Just like your father, his mother whispered in his ear. "I. No. I'm not weak."
A gentle hand grasped the back of his neck. "You're not weak, Spencer." Spencer shook his head wildly. Yes, he was. He was weak like his father and he couldn't. He didn't. "I know you, Spencer, and you are not a weak man." Gideon's voice flowed over him. "In fact, you may be the strongest person I know and someday you will realize that." Jason Gideon didn't lie, Spencer reminded himself. He meant what he said and maybe.
Maybe he wasn't weak.
Spencer tightened his grip on the glass bottles again, shivering. He could take the bottles with him and use them to forget everything for a little while, but what good would that do? What had happened tonight was real and there was no escaping it. Not even for a second.
"C'mon, Reid, lets get you up off the ground, man. Let us take care of you." That was Morgan and Spencer couldn't look at him. Couldn't stand to hear the concern and worry in his voice. Morgan wouldn't grab onto just anything to make him feel happy. Gideon wouldn't, either. The Spencer from Before This wouldn't either.
Spencer swallowed, feeling how dry his throat was. He stared hard at his clenched fist and made his decision. He pushed his fist into the soft dirt around the body and let go of the little glass bottles full of a moment's happiness. "I. Yeah. Okay." Spencer looked up at Gideon and Morgan and nodded. He watched as relief flooded their faces and allowed them to grab him under his arms and lift him up. He tried to take a step forward and pitched forward when his leg buckled under him. "I think I need some help," Spencer said, letting himself be supported between his friends.
Morgan laughed as he slung Spencer's arm over his shoulder "Anytime and anywhere, man. You know that." Gideon grabbed his other arm and together they started the slow trek to the waiting ambulance.
Spencer gave Morgan a lopsided grin. "Yeah. I guess I do know that." He thought about the bottles again for the briefest of seconds before dismissing them. Spencer Reid wasn't weak.
"Don't ever do that again." Gideon said as they got closer to the ambulance. "You scared the hell out of us all."
Spencer couldn't stop the laugh that escaped, even though it hurt. "I'll get right on that." Then they were at the ambulance and Gideon and Morgan were setting him down gently, backing away to let the paramedics examine him. His friends crowded around without trying to make it look like they were crowding around and for the first time tonight, Spencer felt safe. He would make it through this with the help of his friends.