Three's a Crowd

Disclaimer: I don't own B. Orchid, Saberwulf, Spinal or Glacius. These characters and all the other Killer Instinct characters belong to Rare and Nintendo.

Rating: PG

Genre: Humor.


The Black Orchid could already tell that she was making a mistake.

Her superiors had given her the delightful task of cleaning up the remains of the Killer Instinct Tournament. This meant she had to help three of the fighters with no place to go. She stopped unlocking the apartment and looked back at her three guests.

Baron Ludwig von Saberwulf's case was right out of a horror picture. After all he had been through, what with losing his humanity and arms, Orchid would of thought he would have gone mad. Surprisingly he had retained his sanity and his sophisticated nature.

Spinal was in a time and place where he defiantly didn't belong. He was confused and had blindly fought Ultratech. He still kept up that pirate tirade of his still and carried his round shield and a wicked looking cutlass.

Her final guest didn't even belong on this planet. The ice being Glacius was marooned on Earth and well needed a place to stay. Orchid also wanted him to rewrite his people's history texts. Not all human were unreasonable barbarians now a days.

"Okay, this probably something I'm going to regret, but I'm going to trust you three. Now this is temporary until we get you guys straightened out. And God help you if you break anything!" she waved her tonfas for effect.


"I understand."

"I here ye, wench."

Orchid sighed and open the door. The trio looked around at her nice looking apartment. She had the necessities, such as a fridge, table, chairs, washing machine, dryer, ect. Se also had a rather large TV, a stereo system, a shelf full of books, and a computer.

They wandered off to various parts of the room to get acquainted with their new surroundings, Spinal kept his sword aloft. He was unused to this world and Ultratech hadn't exposed too much technology to him other than electric doors, elevators, and weaponry.

The ancient pirate cautiously wandered over to the TV and stared at it. He gave it a cautious prod with his cutlass. Orchid shook her head and walked over. "What be this strange lookin' glass, wench?" She sighed again. "Don't call me that. This is a TV."

"And what does this 'Tee Vee' do?"

"Here I'll show ye, I mean you." She picked up the remote and turned it on. Spinal leapt back in fear, holding his weapon in a cleaving position when Orchid grabbed his wrist and forced his hand down. He continued to gawk at the flickering box, a movie was playing. "By Davy Joan's Locker, I seen many a thing, but this is truly a treasure. It's worth more than any jewel or doubloon." Orchid rolled her eyes and began to explain the device's workings.

Meanwhile, Saberwulf was pawing over the books on her shelf. "Let's see here. Ve have Michel Crition, Tom Clancy…" The Baron went on as he scanned the shelves until his hand came to a romance novel. Curiously he opened it and read a few pages. The end of his nose turned bright red as he hastily put the book back.

Orchid turn to the kitchen after a exasperating explanation of TV from when it was invent till what he could watch today. The undead buccaneer finally settled on a soap opera, to her shock and silently watched the program. "You guys want anything to drink?" she called.


"Black tea with sweetener is fine for me."

"I desire nothing."

Orchid had only been at her task for a moment before she heard Spinal roar, " Don't let that Tom swab get away wit it! Gut 'im! I want ta see the color of 'is blood!!" She then heard a crash and ran into the next room.

Galcius stood staring at the remains of her computer. "I don't understand, when I tried interface with the computer, it broke." He held up his index finger which was a long sharp icicle. "What?! You don't 'interface' with Earth computers! You use the mouse and the key board to work with the computer!!" Galcius looked at her like she was mad. "Your technology is very weird."

She resisted the urge to hear out her hair and pulled out her laptop. "Okay, all you have to do is hit the keys and use the mouse." The ice being nodded and took the desktop computer in his hands like a piece of china.

"Hey, wench! Get in the galley an' get some rum!" called you-know-who from over the couch. Orchid walked over in a calm fashion, then suddenly grabbed Spinal by his neck and brought him face to face. "Listen, I don't know how women were back when you were alive, but get this through you thick skull, YOU DON'T CALL ME 'WENCH!!' If you want your rum so bad, get it yourself!" With that she flung the skeleton into the kitchen. Spinal stumbled out and fell to the ground with a rattle.

"Miss Orchid?"


Saberwulf cringed and whimpered. Orchid ran a hand through her hair and gave him a polite smile. "Yes?" Saberwulf blinked. "I vas wondering about the bedding arrangements."

"I get ta sleep wit Orchid!" Spinal announced joyfully. She gave him a dry look. "No. No, you don't." Spinal snapped his fingers in disappointment. So he then went into the bedroom and pulled out a sheet. "No not  my best……!" the pirate tore it in half and went out on the fire escape to make a hammock. "…sheet." Galcius then went into the kitchen and poked around in her cupboards until he pulled out  water pitcher. "Good night." And with that he went to liquid form and sliding up the counter, entered the pitcher.

Saberwulf clapped his hands together and rubbed them. "Vell, my dear. I guess dat leaves me vit…." He looked at Orchid's face. "…da sofa." She grinned at him and handed him a pillow and a blanket. "Good night, Baron."

"Gute Nacht, Orchid."

The apartment darkened as it's occupants all fell into their various ways of sleeping. Peace reigned once again. That is until the ties on Spinal's hammock came loose and he went bouncing down the fire escape, cursing like the sailor he was.


Well that's it for part one. This my first KI fic so place go easy in the reviews. NO flames please.