Usagi: (switching to my DA-nickname in this fic, as it's easier to write than Miss.Ecofreak anyway) Hi both new and old readers of my parodies, to the newest instalment of the Dork-series (this one however has nothing to do with the other three… it just has a similar name as that is what I call most of my parodies)
Sora: we are so doomed…
Usagi: he knows me already. Coughtoowellcough.
Zakura: shall I bunnyfy him?
Usagi: I thought you already did?
Zakura: that was in Dork period, it doesn't work on other fics.
Usagi: ah… go ahead then.
Zakura: USAGI NO JUTSU!
Sora the bunny: what the???
Usagi: don't worry; I'll have you changed back before your part starts.
Anyways, I don't own Kingdom Hearts or I wouldn't be here writing fanfiction about it. This is a parody on Kingdom hearts II, so it contains spoilers for it too.
I would not recommend you even starting this fic before you've completed KHII, since the Dork-series tend to spoil their own endings already at the start. You have been warned!
Now it's time to start...
Sora: are you gonna change me back now?
Usagi: nope. This is Roxas' time to shine.
Roxas: yay! Nobodies rule!
Random dark beach-thingy.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Well not exactly stormy… but it was dark enough.
A man dressed in a black coat came out of a black portal-thingy, and approached another man in another black coat.
The second dude had a flashlight.
"Dude… that really destroyed the mood here" the first guy said.
"Geez. Sorry" the second guy said and threw the flashlight away. "Anyways, I've just been to see him, he looks a lot like you".
"You've been to see who?"
"I dunno. This scene doesn't make any sense anyway" the second guy said. "You want a coffee?"
"Why thank you"
And so the two men in black sat down drinking coffee...
Twilight Town. Day 1
Moving on from this utterly pointless scene, on to another not as pointless yet still dumb scene.
Four friends from Twilight Town had gathered at the usual spot, complaining about being unfairly treated.
"Lovely weather today ain't it Pence?" the girl said as she took a sip of her tea.
"Yes indeed, it's been wonderful. Don't you think so too Roxas?" her friend reply.
"Shut up! I'm trying to beat Bowser here!" Roxas snapped.
"Guys… we didn't come her to have a tea party!" a third boy yelled. "Neither did we come to play Super Mario-games" he added to Roxas, who was playing on his game boy.
"But I just got to the last level!" Roxas said as his friend, Hayner, grabbed the game boy and smashed it to bits with a black keyshaped blade.
Roxas screamed. "You destroyed my… is that MY keyblade?" he said and grabbed Oblivion from Hayner.
"Er… whatever. I think it is very unfair that we're being treated as thieves!" Hayner said.
"Why? What has been stolen?" the girl, Olette asked.
"I don't know… no one seem to be able to tell…" Hayner said.
"Maybe the thieves stole the word too" Pence suggested.
"Yeah right! That is just as plausible as someone being able to live without even having a heart" Roxas said, as he was still clinging on to Oblivion.
"Let's go find those word-thieves so we can clear our names!" Hayner said and ran out the door. After a short while the three left heard a scream, and Hayner returned, carrying a skateboard.
"Roxas, how many times do I have to tell you NOT to leave your skateboard lying around just in front of the entrance?" he said angry.
"What are you? My mother?" Roxas asked and took the skateboard.
As they went back out, Roxas made sure to place the board inside the Usual Spot, just in front of the door, and noted to himself to make sure Hayner walked in first.
Everywhere the foursome went, they were chased away with guns and blades for stealing whatever, Pence was always running in front, photographing the whole event.
"Pence. Why the f do you keep taking photos of us fleeing for our lives?" Hayner asked, as they hid in a small box.
"How can 4 teenagers fit in a small box?" Roxas asked.
"Welcome to my world of randomness" Jak (from Jak and Daxter) said.
"Get out of my fic!" Roxas yelled and pulled out the Oblivion, before chasing Jak of with it.
"Er… yeah. As I was saying before Roxas jumped out of the box chasing long-eared losers. Why are you photographing him chasing losers?" Hayner asked Pence, who had stuck his head out of the box to take pictures of Roxas.
"Well… We should have some memories from our last week of summer vacation right?" Pence said.
"These pictures don't remind us of anything other than Roxas being an idiot, knock it of" Hayner said.
Suddenly a white thing came by and grabbed Pence's camera.
"Hey! He stole my camera!" Pence yelled.
"After him!" Roxas said and quickly forgot about Jak, and started chasing the white thing.
Roxas chased the stranger towards the Haunted Mansion, and tried to hit it with a stick.
It proved useless.
"Man, this is useless" Roxas said.
Yes genius, I just said that.
"Who are you?" Roxas asked.
Miss.Ecofreak. Who else?
"Whatever" Roxas said. Suddenly the stick transformed into the kingdom key.
"Whoa! What's this?... and why couldn't I get the oblivion instead?" Roxas asked.
Because you don't have that one yet.
"But I was just using it…"
YOU DON'T HAVE IT YET! DEAL WITH IT!
"Geez. Someone's grumpy today" Roxas said, and used the Kingdom Key to defeat the mysterious thief.
Once he had defeated his enemy, he also found all the stolen photos.
"Aha… so THAT'S what was stolen" he said.
He brought the stolen pictures back to its owners, including Pence, who was now looking through them.
"Hey! Did anyone notice all the stolen pictures where of Roxas?" Pence asked.
"No. If you haven't noticed YOU'RE the one looking through them" Hayner said.
"Must be a crazy fan girl or something" Roxas said. "Chicks like me".
"I thought fan girls liked fanarts of you and Axel being boyfriends better?" Pence asked.
"They don'… Who the hell is Axel?" Roxas asked.
Outside a red-haired man started crying.
Back inside the four friends were making up theories as to why all the stolen pictures were of Roxas.
"What if the strangers really are sent out by an evil heartless organization who plans to capture Roxas because he was previously one of their own who was captured by a weirdo wearing a blindfold and lost all his memories before he was sent here and it turns out this place isn't real but a computer simulation made up so that Roxas won't notice, and it turns out Roxas is a heartless version of a hero who has been asleep for a year and needs Roxas to regain his full power?" Pence asked.
"Dude… that's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard" Roxas said. "I'm sure they're obsessed fan girls who wanted to decorate their rooms with the photos or something."
"Now who in their right mind would do that?" Pence asked, as he put away the pictures. Not noticing a girl sneaking in, followed by two rabbits and a hamster, who stole the pictures and brought them home to decorate my…I mean her room with them.
"What if the picture thief was really Seifer in disguise?" Olette asked.
"Nah… he hasn't even been introduced yet. Though he should have been" Hayner said.
Right on cue, Seifer and his gang quickly ran into the scene.
"I'm right here! And I'm wondering whether any of you losers know WHY I haven't been introduced yet?" Seifer asked.
"Because the author was too busy writing about ME!" Roxas said. "I'm the main character of this fic."
"No you're not…" Seifer said.
"Am too! Look, I'm on the front-page. Don't see YOU on the front-page. Huh? HUH?" Roxas said and pushed a copy of Kingdom Hearts 2 into Seifer's face.
"There's a whole bunch of people on this front page so it doesn't really make you the main character" Seifer said.
"Maybe not. But since you're NOT on the front page and I AM it makes me a more important character so hah!" Roxas said stubbornly.
"Roxas is feeling a little selfish today" Olette said.
"Wouldn't it be weird if the thief stole the real Roxas or something?" Pence asked.
"Ha! As if that will ever happen" Hayner said as a stranger suddenly walked in and snatched Roxas.
"Er… that wasn't in the script…" Seifer said.
"Neither are you being in here. Tea?" Olette asked.
Usagi: oh there will be a lot more that's not in the script here Seifer, a lot more (evillaugh)
Sora: you enjoy watching us suffer don't you?
Usagi: no…. I enjoy watching you do stupid things.
Sora: that's it! Give me back my keyblade! (Grabs the Kingdom Key from Roxas) do you want a piece of this?
Usagi: no. You better behave before I shut you into that flower-orb-thingy again.
Sora: Sigh (leaves)
Roxas: wait Sora! I need that blade for later! (Runs after him)
Zakura: what did you do this his keyblades?
Usagi: nothing… (Sits on Roxas' keyblades) Please review if you like random parodies. If you don't…why the heck are you still reading?