So this is it, my friends…at long last I've finally got around to posting the final bit of random wanderings…thanks for all the reviews, they are a joy to receive.
And now Doctor Who is back, I need no longer fight off the glooms of no weekend TV. Oh happy day!
We are a stupid bunch of people, when it comes down to it. Earths last defence; a bunch of immature idiots, with a hidden base somewhere underneath Cardiff. Not exactly the most cheering thought in the world. It's so much nicer to know that there is a defence than to be part of the defence, and to know just how precarious it is.
I miss the days when my greatest excitement was this new gadget or that new button. Thinking about it, half of them probably came from Torchwood at some point. I miss being so utterly amazed by a pig in a spacesuit. I miss being so naive.
I had a normal life, once. Well, almost normal. I worked 9 'til 5, went home, had dinner, stayed in or went out, visited my dad every Sunday without fail. And now look at me. An amazing, spectacular mess of thoughts and emotions, so all over the place that not even Ianto and his clean-up skills could mop me up again.
Is it all our own faults? Did we bring this upon ourselves? Something in our childhood, a choice, a turning, that dictates that this is where we're going to turn up? Or is it just pure chance?
We're stuck in it now, I know that much. No going back, not from the moment you first set eyes on anyone of us. No matter how brief the glimpse, we stay with you forever, a thought that no amount of Retcon can take away. Always that touch of niggling doubt. Wondering…
I wish we could be normal. But at the same time, I wouldn't change this for the world. Just when I think we've hit rock bottom, just when I think, "this is it…this is the point where we all fall apart," then something'll actually go right for us, and we'll end up back at the Hub laughing and joking almost like normal people. It's like the fates like to test us, to see how far they can throw us before we bounce right back again.
But how many times can we bounce before the elastic breaks?
I'll cry you, Jack Harkness. And for Suzie, and Owen and Ianto, and even Gwen, even though I think I should hate her, and hate myself for thinking that. I'll cry for us all, and for the people that broke us. Once upon a time, I thought I knew you all. If this necklace taught me anything, it was that I'll never know you, not really. We work together, live together day in day out, playing and laughing and screaming and dying. But we'll never know each other. Never know where Rhys took Gwen for Valentines day, never know what Ianto's brother's up to now…I don't even know if Ianto has a brother. Never know any of the stuff normal office workers share about each other. But then, we'll never be normal office workers.
I wonder what you're all doing tonight. Maybe you'll tell me tomorrow. Most likely you won't.
It's getting colder, and the bench is beginning to make my bum go numb. Hey ho, home we go. Shower, and heat up a lasagne for one. And then bed…or maybe not bed. Not after…that.
Maybe I'll sleep on the sofa tonight.
I'll curl up, with a cushion and a Jane Austen. And I'll cry, just a little bit more. I'll cry for the me, for the dreams I had and the life I've got, for the decisions my mind can't quite decide on. For the life I thought I had, and the life I'll never know.
I'll cry for us all. For the them I used to know.
And there we have it. The end. Hope you enjoyed it. Tell me your thoughts – they are much appreciated!