Cadaver Company

Summary: 3X1/1X3- When Heero self-destructs in Siberia, Trowa stayed behind and picks him up. Then reality kicks in and he realizes he has to get a guy in a coma all the way to L3. This is his story.

Chapter One: Something More Mercenary

Heero Yuy was not dead.

Do not ask me how I knew this little fact, I just did.

While the cold, calculating soldier part of my mind told me no one could survive what I'd just seen- he did self-detonate; I had at least five other witnesses to confirm the event- another part of my mind stubbornly shook its head and insisted that pilot 01 was still alive.

I was beginning to wonder about this other part of me as, one by one, my 'comrades' left the frozen wasteland that is Siberia and I stayed behind. They obviously didn't feel the same compulsion I did. If it had been anyone else, I might have hazarded that they just weren't as crazy as I seemed to be, but I knew better. Of the five-four- FIVE of us Gundam pilots I think I'm the least insane of the group.

Go figure.

Fed up with dealing with my soldierly instincts, I calmly rationalized that if Yuy hadn't survived, he at least deserved a proper burial and someone to mourn his loss.

As I hid Heavyarms deep within one of those nifty little ice caves, the logical part of my mind piped up again- questioning my motives.

I'll be the first to freely admit that I'd probably fallen victim to the Yuy Curse- the belief that Heero could not die and with just his presence, could make everything bad suddenly turn good. Like Chang, I respected the guy as much as some of the biggest influences of my life. I would willingly follow him to the death.

As Quatre has said many times over, I admired his nerve and his single-minded determination to get the job done. I'd always seen myself as replaceable but there was only one Heero Yuy.

Er, that is, there only one Heero Yuy who can pilot a Gundam. Unless another guy comes along who can, and is also named Heero- forget it.

And as much as I hate to think about it, I also wanted Heero's trust and friendship- just like Maxwell.

…….I can't believe I just compared myself to him. I think I've just broken a very important religious creed somewhere with that one. I couldn't hold back a sigh at that thought. The things I do for Heero Yuy.

Of course, I was avoiding one other person who had fallen, and fallen hard, for the Yuy Curse- someone I could definitely relate to. Relena Peacecraft wanted his love and she wanted his companionship. I could completely relate, although I would have settled for something a little more mercenary between us. The words 'fuck' and 'buddies' comes to mind.

Mercenary…and people say I have no sense of humor. It's there; just a little….warped.

Looking at the giant craters and melting ice caps, I suppose there is one little quirk about the amazing Heero Yuy that could easily annoy the hell out of me- his complete disregard for the environment. God only knew how many animals and habitats he and that blond bimbo of a pilot had shmushed under their big tough Gundams today.

I froze as I came across my comrade's body and the few scattered remains of Wing.

Oh….oh, ew. That has to hurt. From this distance, I'm beginning to hope that other part of me was wrong and he's seriously dead because those are going to sting like a bitch when I get the antiseptic.

Feeling just a little twitchy, I moved closer. If he's dead I'm going to have to touch him. If he's not I'll probably end up with a gun shoved up my nostril.

The fact that he didn't even stir at my noisy approach was telling. He had to be either dead or in a bloody coma to not being trying to blow me away right now. Heero's like a vicious animal when he's wounded- all snarls and hisses and the occasional bite.

Running a semi-expert eye over the deep lacerations and stripes of red in the snow I knew he had to be hurt badly. I hardly doubt Yuy had had the time to squirt ketchup all around him just to play dead.

If he isn't already dead. Dammit, I'm going in!

Putting two fingers on the still boy's neck, I was more than slightly shocked to find a pulse. A pulse and erratic breathing. Merde, he's still functional.

The amateurish stilling from shock was pushed from my body as my little bit of field medical knowledge took over. He was only wearing that thrice-cursed green tank top and spandex shorts- both of which had barely survived the blast and kept his modesty in tack. On a better note, the cold is slowing his heart rate and the amount of blood loss- or slowly killing him by way of hyperthermia.

I quickly took off my jacket, wrapping the scrapes of shirt around the worst of the wounds before shoving his lifeless- let's try a different word- limp arms and upper torso into it. I couldn't help but pause to notice how….small my clothes made him look. True, Yuy was a lot stronger- reconstructed genetic-make-up will do that to a guy- and more compact than I was but he was also short as hell.

There was nothing I could do for his legs unless I was willing to part with my jeans, which I wasn't without Yuy being in a position to actually do something about my being pant-less, so I quickly picked him up and headed back to my Gundam.

It was that short fifteen minute trek that taught me a valuable lesson- being short doesn't make Heero Yuy any less heavy. You'd swear HE was the one made of metal and not his Gundam, which I did- swear that is- as I slogged back through the ice and snow and watery patches of land only to find my nifty little ice cave had partially caved in while I was away playing Heero's…hero.

Well, ha fucking ha.

I sighed, something I rarely indulge in, before putting my burden back on a piece of relatively dry ground. Well it's not like I could do anything else? I may be one of five of the most dangerous people in all of Earth and the Colonies but that didn't mean I could lug Yuy around and clear snow at the same time.

It took about and hour and a half to dig Heavyarms out enough so that I could actually get into the cockpit and just muscle my way out. It was sitting in my nice, warm pilot seat that I came across my first major dilemma since snatching Yuy's body.

Just where in the hell was I going to put him?

Contrary to popular belief, a Gundam's cockpit isn't all the spacious. It can't be if it's meant to be safe for its pilot and let's face it, a Gundam is already pretty huge do you know how much harder it would be to hide these things if they were any bigger? Pretending to be an Oz transport would have been out of the question.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, its not that big- just enough room to have the pilot sit comfortably and have one passenger stuffed in the side. The trick with that little tidbit is that said passenger has to be conscious to avoid slipping down to the pilot's feet and bouncing all over the place.

Since Yuy had just been blown up, I'd rather avoid finishing the job of killing him by simply stuffing him by my chair and hoping for the best.

I looked around my cockpit in frustration and the answer came to me as I spotted a length of rope. It sucked as an option if he had any major internal injuries but tying Yuy down to something seemed to be the only solution.

I didn't realize, until I was standing by my unconscious pain in the ass, that the only thing I could possibly tie him down to was me.

I sighed again. "The things I do for Heero Yuy."

After much fooling around- not that kind of fooling around- and only a set amount of rope, I finally found myself heavier by about a full pilot. Yuy was strapped to me, his back against my chest, the rope twining around our waists before criss-crossing over my back to end in a neat little bow on Yuy's chest.

Standing, his feet barely touched the ground and I had the imagination to conjure up what we probably looked like- me carrying Yuy in what looked like an over-grown baby harness.

There weren't even any animals to see me but an embarrassed blush heated my face before I made my way back to Heavyarms.

Climbing my Gundam's suddenly too slick surface, I was eternally grateful for the mounds of snow below me. At least this way, if I fell from this kind of height I wouldn't be hitting solid ice like the idiot attached to my chest had. I cringed slightly. He had even bounced.

Sliding into the pilot's seat, I felt more like four days and not four hours had passed since my strange compulsion to check up on Heero Yuy's body. Sitting drew the ropes a bit tighter than I'd thought, but nothing too unbearable as I closed the hatch and started up. Hopefully the ride inside a warm Gundam would help thaw out the icy-cold flesh of Yuy's legs. I could feel their coolness through my jeans.

It was…..uncomfortable at best, trying to pilot a Gundam with a whole other person attached to my front. A whole unconscious person who flopped around at every bump and jump in the ride. If Yuy wasn't already overly bruised by his stint with the red button on Wing he was certainly going to be after this trip.

With my already bad run of luck today, I shouldn't have been overly surprised by what happened next.

Taking a sharp turn, Heavyarms jerked as a blast of cold artic air buffeted it form the left. The responding jerk of the cockpit made Yuy's previously stationary hand slid down from his thigh to rest exactly on my crotch.


That sudden jerk came from my own arm as I tried to wriggle my comatose comrade's palm of my….yeah. Heavyarms did the mobile suit rendition of Swan Lake, nearly cart wheeling around the frigid air as I wiggled and bucked around in my seat.

Fighting to keep the yoke steady and trying not react to the hand covering my important bits, I used my right arm to right Yuy's body from its relaxed position on my stomach to a more stable one on my lap. Removing the wandering hand, I quickly stuffed the cold, bruised fingers under the ropes on Yuy's chest with a relieved sigh.

As his head flopped over onto his chest, a startling thought crossed my frazzled mind.

I had just been groped by Heero Yuy.

An unconscious Heero Yuy but Heero Yuy all the same.

I let out a near soundless chuckle at the thought of what Relena Peacecraft's reaction to that would have been as I gave Yuy's head a small pat.

Then I pulled up a map of the area and tried to find the closest safe secure house in the area.

Maybe the others could help me with Yuy's care.

A/N: This...this is some crazy stuff that my mind cooks up while trying to explain the whole G-Wing timeline to my younger sister.