Daisuke did end up going to New York. His stay was considerably shorter than any of us had expected. I thank Ken for that. At first he had planned the trip to get away from all that was troubling him but after Ken confronted him, Daisuke found that running wasn't the answer. That is a very good thing for him to discover, I tell you. It's about time he realized that, especially for someone like him.
Anyway, Daisuke had only gone because he was committed to making sure his art show was handled the way he wanted; he also had to attend the opening. When all those little loose ends had been taken care of Daisuke came back home. He never told me if Wallace protested or not, but I doubt it. We all knew that Daisuke needed to be with Ken.
Daisuke had not solely sought out Ken for help, Ken wouldn't allow it. Ken always said he could only do so much and with that statement he forced Daisuke into therapy. At first I wasn't sure if it would be any help. Daisuke had been in therapy before, following the incident that brought him into our lives. However he never took too well to therapists. I remember mom would hate taking him to the therapist because it just seemed to make him more withdrawn and distant. She later told me that Daisuke would usually be completely silent during the sessions. (However she also said that the therapist told her that if he talked, he talked about me.) It was like that for at least two years, and countless different therapists, before mom and dad finally decided that it wasn't doing much good..
I suppose what led to success this time was that Ken would always spend at least a half hour of the session with Daisuke and the therapist, just as silent support. It took maybe six or seven tries before Daisuke finally settled on one therapist. The only reason he didn't give up on them all together was because Ken wouldn't let him.
The therapy wasn't an instant success either. Even though Daisuke felt comfortable around Dr. Mizuno it didn't mean he was comfortable enough to actually open up to her. During their second session Daisuke had actually walked out which lead to a rather heated fight between Ken and Daisuke. I suppose I can forgive Ken for losing his head, dealing with an emotional and stubborn Daisuke can be a rather trying experience. But it was so bad that I had intervene.
I think it was a good thing for me because while I was still trying to salvage their relationship, I think I convinced myself that Ken was some sort of miracle worker or a saint or something. But that fight woke me up. Ken wasn't a Mr Fix-it for relationships and he definitely wasn't in a position where he could keep himself objective. Ken can't always be patient, he was just as frustrated by Daisuke as anyone else was. Ken has just always been focused and determined enough to push his frustration down.
After tempers were cooled and apologies rendered, Ken was able to convince Daisuke to try therapy again, with the same therapist no less!
Unfortunately it wasn't smooth sailing form there. Their problems ranged from the incredibly small to the large and difficult. Ken stuck to it, just like he promised. Even when they fought, he was always there for Daisuke, supporting him just like we supported them.
As time progressed I saw the changes in my brother. I think that anyone that wasn't so close to him wouldn't notice a thing. But slowly and surely the smile began to reach his eyes more and more. He told me so too.
"I feel better," Daisuke had told me one evening over Chinese. "I mean, the burden is still there but it's lighter. Though I have more nightmares now. Funny how I didn't have enough when I was hiding but now I've cornered the market on nightmares."
"You're facing your fears," I had responded. "Have you asked Dr. Mizuno to prescribe something?"
Daisuke shrugged. "They're not that bad."
Unfortunately they did become worse. They foreshadowed the very deep depression Daisuke would later fall into. From my understanding of the whole incident, Daisuke had been in the processes of working through his relationship with Fujiwara. I know very little about the man and what he did to Daisuke. But from what I got from Ken, the therapy had yet to barely scratch the surface at the time.
During his depression, Daisuke's art work had been impossible for me to look at. I can't even begin to describe his works without tears threatening to form in my eyes. My dear brother's pain was so tangible. Daisuke proved he deserved to be the Child of Courage though, he pulled through. Though I think that he wouldn't have been able to do so without Ken. No let me rephrase that, I know that he would have failed without Ken.
Ken was a pillar of strength and support for Daisuke. He was always there. No matter what time, no matter what he was doing, no matter what he sacrificed, he was always there. He even amazed me who had known he had the potential to help my little brother.
He helped Daisuke through the depression and through the side effects of his medication. The problems with the medication varied. Since he had been so depressed, he had actually begun to care about the anti depressants making him gain weight. So it was switched for another anti depressant which didn't work at all until they uped the dosage but unfortunately the increase made another side effect worse. The final anti depressants he was on had to be increased too though it also had side effects which Daisuke figured he could deal with.
"They kill my sex drive," Daisuke had told me as he popped the two capsules. I've heard that these kinds of medication could be addicting and I'm always worrying about Daisuke becoming a druggie too.
"It's a good thing you're not having sex right now, I guess," I had replied in that arrogant elder sister tone which of course made him smile sardonically.
"Yeah, my reserves are full."
Daisuke beat his depression and got off those horrible pills. Through the darkness Daisuke clung desperately to Ken and Ken never let him go. He was so loyal and caring.
Still there was fatigue and heart break. It wasn't just because Ken had to watch, sometimes helplessly, as Daisuke struggled painfully to put himself back together. That was painful and horrible enough without being in love with Daisuke. He had to hold back every romantic urge he felt for Daisuke.
He did a valiant job of it too. I think he channeled most of those unrequited feelings into the strength he needed to make Daisuke mentally healthy again. His restraint was amazing, except, I suspect, during times when Daisuke was sleeping. I caught him once kissing my sleeping brother. Again it was a sign of things to come, Ken would cave after a three and a half years of working with Daisuke.
"I kissed him," he had told me simply.
"What else is new?" I had replied. It had been no surprise to me and that's probably why Ken had come to me about it.
"Jun please," Ken had sighed, dropping into a chair. He looked so exhausted which, depending on what was going on with Daisuke at the time, wasn't too uncommon for him.
"All right, all right I'm sorry," I raised my hands in a peace offering gesture. "What happened?"
"We were talking and goofing around," Ken began looking at me. "It was great... and I just got carried away." I motioned for him to continue. "He freaked out. I tried to apologize but he kicked me out."
"It's nice to see Daisuke hasn't lost his flair for melodrama." My comment got me a glare form Ken. I suppose that it was uncalled for, I was suppose to be helpful. But it just aggravated me that Ken would need to come seek me for advice over something that had such a simple solution, at least it did to me. I knew that it would change their relationship, maybe put a strain on it if things didn't go right, but there would be no permeant damage whatever the out come may be.
"I scared him," Ken moaned and I nodded.
"He'll get over it. Just give him some time to himself," I advised. "He'll think it over and you guys will work it out." If that had happened a year or two earlier, my response may have been totally different. It's a good thing to realize because then I could really appreciate how much things have changed.
Ken nodded, he knew I was right. He was silent for a long moment before he smiled. "It felt nice to kiss him while he was awake."
Again I'm not sure what happened between them. It's harder to squeeze information out of them. The closer they get the hard it is to get them to talk too. It's normal I know, but it's frustrating for an overprotective, nosey busy body older sister. I do know that they worked it out, as I knew they would. Later on I realized that their relationship had moved up a level. They weren't kissing or even holding hands, but the way they looked at each other, and their body language, said it all.
I'm really glad for them. They are like complimentary colors. Anyone who says other wise better be ready to receive a face full of fist. I can almost feel Osamu's disapproving stare upon me for that statement. I can't help but chuckle.
"I didn't really mean it," I mummer to Osamu. I lean back against the couch and close my eyes. I concentrate on the sound of Ken and Daisuke talking in the kitchen. They invited me over for dinner. I wish I had declined though. Ken cooked. Daisuke's been teaching him and his improvement has been marginal. Unfortunately I had no choice, Daisuke gave me his trademarked pouty face and I fell hard. That boy has no idea the kind of control he holds over me. Not that he ever will.
Ken comes out with a tray of cakes that I hope he didn't make himself. Upon further inspection I realize they look too nice to be his. Cruel yes, but nonetheless true.
I sit up a little and thank him for the dessert when he hands it to me.
"Where's Dai?" I ask, looking about.
"He went to get something," Ken answers, serving the coffee. Ken drinks it black. He's become an addict. "A painting he's been working on. He says it's a gift."
I had to hide a smile. Ken's cheeks were a little pink and he was trying hard not to look pleased. He was failing miserably. It was so cute.
Daisuke emerges after a few minutes holding a canvas, its back to us. Daisuke's grinning excitedly. It's infectious.
"Ready?" He ask and Ken nods, trying so hard to be composed.
Daisuke turns the canvas around showing us the picture.
Ken breathes out his appreciation and I also compliment it. Daisuke beams happily, glad that the picture has pleased Ken so much. While Daisuke babbles, Ken looks at me. He gives me a meaningful look which I return. No green. Well that is untrue, there is green but it isn't that oppressive green that we were so accustomed to seeing. It's like the green of ferns.
Shelter, ne Osamu-kun? I remember smiling slightly to myself. Yes, that's what Osamu had told me. Ferns meant shelter. I doubt Ken read so deeply into the painting but I know very well Daisuke did.
Daisuke found his shelter in Ken. It made me so happy to see it. The painting made it undeniable proof.
I watch Daisuke put the painting down and sit down next to Ken, who was looking rather shy and embarrassed because of the gift. I catch how their hands brush, I catch Ken's cheeks color more and watch as Daisuke's smile becomes warm and loving.
I find myself a little jealous of my little brother right now. We Motomiyas are undeniably attracted to Ichijoujis it seems, only he was fortunate enough to get Ken who was only alive because his older brother saved him that faithful day.
I look away from them to the painting. It helps push away the little bit of bitterness inside of me. I know I have a sad little smile on my face as I whispered,"You saved your brother, and through him, mine as well. Thank you, Osamu."
"What was that 'neechan?" Daisuke asks, looking at me curiously. I notice that Ken was too. I wonder if he heard what I said.
"I said, that if my little brother doesn't eat his cake, I'm gonna do it for him." The horrified expression on Daisuke's face was priceless. He reaches out quickly and takes his plate.
"You wouldn't?" He gasps, trying hard to keep the laughter from bubbling forth.
"Wouldn't I?" I respond.
"Just don't break anything," came Ken's calm addition.
"You're no fun Ichijouji!"
"You two are just immature."
Daisuke and I look at each other for a moment, confirming that we were having similar thoughts before throwing our pieces of cake at Ken.
"He squealed like a pig!" Daisuke laughs.
He did indeed!
And so it comes to an end. I'm sorry about any mistakes. No beta this time around either. I'd like to thank all those that have bared with me over the years. This fic took way longer than it should have. I hope it was worth the wait though.
Thank you again