Disclaimer: I do not own Superman or any of the characters… I just have fun with them.

This is my first fic in a really, really long time- reviews are appreciated. I was re-watching Superman Returns yesterday when this silly little plot bunny bit me during the hospital scene… primarily when the doctors and nurses are shown removing his suit. I have an odd imagination. I'm thinking of creating a series entitled "The Logistics of being Superman". Let me know what you think.

There are many things in this world that make Clark Kent happy- on most days it is usually Jason, daydreaming of Lex Luthor behind bars, world peace and watching Lois as she chews on the ends of her pencils. Today, it was the ADA.

After his release from the hospital, Clark Kent found his life falling into something resembling a routine. He would spend his days at the Daily Planet- alternately spent between writing, stolen moments with Jason, watching Lois from the corner of his eye and surreptitiously zooming out the elevator shaft when his alter-ego was needed. In the aftermath of the earthquake caused by the New Krypton debacle, Superman found himself busier than ever before. It seemed that every lowlife in the greater Metropolis area took the event as a personal invitation to wreak havoc on the city. While Superman was not busy, Clark Kent it seemed had been spending every waking moment at the Planet, helping cover the plethora of stories brought forth by the disaster.

After an extremely late night assisting police with a hostage situation (which ended rather successfully in his opinion), Clark had managed an hour of shuteye before he had to meet Lois at the Planet to follow an early lead. Mid-morning found Clark back at his desk nursing a cup of what was dubbed the 'Lois Lane Special'- coffee, black (practically syrup, it was so thick) with two sugars.

"Hey!" Jimmy Olson walked by Clark's desk nearly knocking him over "you might want to take it easy- that's your sixth cup of coffee in two hours. You're not exactly Superman- too much of Lois' coffee can be lethal you know" he quipped.

"Oh, ok. Thanks Jimmy." Clark frowned at his mug (Scooby-doo, courtesy of Jason on his birthday), had he really drank that much? 'I must be slipping,' he thought to himself. As he continued working, a small part of his brain registered that maybe he should cut back a bit to avoid bringing more unwanted attention to himself. Being Superman, caffeine didn't affect him the way it did humans. It was more of a placebo effect- he could actually eat all of the coffee beans in Columbia and not have one iota of a caffeine buzz. 'When did I start drinking so much coffee? Man, Lois must be rubbing off on me.'

He glanced about casually and noticed that everyone in the bullpen had a mug either in their hand or on their desk. Most people, he surmised, would get the stimulation they wanted from one or two cups of coffee (in Lois' case, three) before calling it quits. Since it did not affect him, Clark did not have that signal to tell him when to quit drinking coffee for the day- hence the attention from Jimmy. 'If Jimmy noticed, I wonder who else noticed.' Clark then filed Jimmy's comment away for future reference.

Finished with his inner dissertation on the affects of caffeine on humans versus Kryptonians as well as his last cup of coffee, Clark focused on his articles. Ten minutes later, he was just starting to wrap up his second article when he felt it- the other side effect to drinking six cups of coffee in two hours that, unfortunately, even Kryptonians weren't immune to. He really had to pee.

Clark sighed, stood and made his way to the restrooms. As he approached the door, he quickly scanned the facilities with his x-ray vision to make sure the room was empty. Once the coast was clear, Clark tried to look as nonchalant as possible entering the men's room when all he wanted to do was super-speed in there. He really shouldn't have had so much coffee.

Soon Clark had safely locked himself in the largest stall; now came the hard part. He thanked every God he could think of that the facilities had been remodeled. He still had nightmares about getting stuck in the old restrooms at the Planet. He spun quickly and his three piece business suit hung neatly from the peg on the back of the door. He hoped that no one would walk in, especially Jason. Clark felt self-conscious enough about the large gaps between the walls and the floor without having the 'munchkin' (as Lois affectionately called him) that much closer to spying his bright red boots as he moved around.

Clark shook his head, quickly pushing those thoughts aside and set about relieving himself as quickly as possible. He inwardly cursed the Kryptonian that designed such beautiful one-piece suits without zippers as he had to strip to his waist and drag his cape on the floor. 'Really. All of the knowledge from an umpteen number of races spanning twenty-eight known galaxies and they couldn't put some kind of fastener on the suit?' Soon however, all conscious thought fled as relief flooded his body. He had to keep from moaning out loud, it felt so good. 'Wow, I really had to pee. No more coffee for me today.' Clark quickly finished his business and redressed, sighing loudly when he realized that his cape had landed in a puddle of water on the floor.

After washing his hands, Clark took a quick minute to adjust his tie before heading back out into the bullpen. As he reached for the handle, the door quickly swung inwards revealing Richard carrying Jason in his arms. He quickly stuttered "Excuse me." as they moved into the stall that Clark had just occupied, before he retreated to the relative safety of his desk.

Leaning back in his chair, Clark made a mental note to talk to his mom about putting a zipper in his suit. "I don't care how stupid it looks- it sure would make my life a heck of a lot easier." he muttered.

"What would be easier?" Lois called from her desk a few feet away. Clark had forgotten about Lois' mommy-senses which, he determined, almost rivaled his own powers after watching her over the past few weeks.

"Umm…. Uh… nothing Lois. I was just thinking out loud. Sorry." He chuckled to himself at the thought of what Lois' reaction might be if he were to clue her in on his inner dialogue. It really was quite amusing.

She gave him a strange look. "Oh ok. Whatever you say Clark." before turning back to her computer monitor.

Clark continued his musings. One good thing from his extended absence- the Planet had remodeled restrooms courtesy of an ex-employee and her lawyers. Even though the building was old enough to be exempt from the code, the employee sicced her lawyers on the Planet like so many pitbulls (as Lois so colorfully put it), citing the ADA and precedents until Perry had caved and remodeled the restrooms to comfortably fit a wheelchair.

'Sure makes my life easier. Now I don't have to fly home every time I drink too much coffee. Thank God for the ADA and handicapped restroom stalls.'