A Horrible Threat
(A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or its characters; I'm just having fun with them. This story is supposed to be a parody, a joke. I really don't mean to offend anyone with this. That said, I hope you enjoy.)
It was the fifth year of Harry Potter's study at Hogwarts. During this time, his secret DA club was teaching the other students how to defend themselves against a dark wizard's or witch's attacks, since the horrible Professor Umbridge refused to teach her subject. So far he was pleased with everyone's progress and was confident that at least his friends will know how to handle themselves in a battle of magic, or how to get away if they need to. He felt he was preparing them eventually to fight the great threat of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. With these comforting thoughts in his mind, Harry prepared to go to the Great Hall for some breakfast. As he entered, he saw his two best friends, Ron Weasly and Hermione Granger engaged in reading the latest issue of The Daily Prophtet. Ron pointed at an article and was laughing pretty loud.
"Can you believe this, Hermione?" Ron snickered.
"Honestly Ron, you're horrible! This is no laughing matter," Hermione replied, but she was apparently trying to hide her own laughter, but failing for the most part. She had a wide grin on her face. Harry approached his friends, hoping that they weren't about to start going at it again.
"Is there a problem, guys?" he asked. Ron was trying to cover his mouth to hide his grin and was snickering.
"No, mate, no problem whatsoever." Unable to contain it further, he was laughing uncontrollably.
"Hermione, what's going on?" Harry asked.
"Oh Harry, it's just horrible. I'm not sure you want to know." Hermione was actually giggling! Her!
"I think he has a right to know, don't you Hermione?" Ron asked.
"Just give me that blasted newspaper!" Harry demanded. He looked at the various articles until one headline stood out:
The Muggle World Learns About Hogwarts and the famous Harry Potter
By Rita Skeeter
"What the..?" Harry was astonished.
"Just read the article," Hermione encouraged, trying to hide her smile.
"OK, OK, give me a minute," Harry began to read, wondering what could be so funny about a situation that could expose the magical world to the muggle world.
Even though the Ministry of Magic has extremely severe policy about interacting with the Muggle World, apparently, Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has been in correspondence with a Muggle for the past several years, by the name of J.K. Rowling. Dumbledore reports. "One day, just for the heck of it, I was assisting the Department of Muggle Affairs about some accidental magic use in the London area around this Muggle who had discovered a few things about the Wizarding World on her own named J. K. Rowling. Instead of the usual immediate mind-altering, I decided to talk to her first, to see if she could handle our secret. I didn't want to have to alter someone's memory unless absolutely necessary and I felt some type of…potential within her. Not for wizardry, but for understanding and acceptance. After a lengthy conversation, I decided that she could be entrusted with our secret, and established a mailing correspondence with Ms. Rowling to keep an eye on her. I also know that despite our secrecy, Muggles in general have a fascination with all things magic, even if they don't really believe in it, there have been great works of fiction describing various wizard's exploits throughout the past. After thinking about how He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named almost devastated the Muggle world in addition to our own, they have a right to know of such a threat. In her letters, Ms. Rowling demonstrated a great command of writing skills so I decided that as long as she publishes it as fiction; I can chronicle the exploits that occurred at my school, from the point of view of one of its most important students…Harry Potter. I wanted the true story of Hogwarts and young Mr. Potter known to the outside world without the…censoring of the Ministry."
Harry looked up at his friends, "I don't see how funny this article is, this is pretty serious, I never wanted to be famous in this world, or the Muggle world, I just wanted to be me…"
"Keep reading, mate, it'll get good, I promise," Ron snickered.
After several years of letters of correspondence, Ms. Rowling was able to write what is essentially a biography of The Boy Who Lived and successfully posed it as a work of fiction, so the Ministry has nothing against her. Her books (which always begin with the words Harry Potter and the) have been an enormous success for her, making her one of the Muggle world's richest individuals. She has used parts of her fortune for great works of charity as well, earning the respect of both worlds.
There are numerous fans of her interpretation of the life of young Mr. Potter, and Ms. Rowling's command of good writing skills has been inspirational to her fans. So much so, that they have began to write their own stories based on the life and times of Mr. Potter and his friends, associates, and even his enemies. These works are known to the Muggles as "fanfictions" and they are quite numerous. Some of these works show our favorite students as they could and should be, others show them in impossible situations. Among the most fascinating are the works that devote themselves to the students' romantic lives, pairing off the students of Hogwarts in all sorts of interesting combinations, some likely, some very unlikely, but very, very juicy. One particular movement of fans call themselves "slashers" (not to be confused with Muggle serial killers of the same name) that enjoy pairing students with members of the same gender! In fact, these stories seem to make a huge percentage of the fanfictions available and are readily found. I had the opportunity and pleasure to read a few, and I have to say that my favorite, and most of the fans' favorites, is the pairing of Harry Potter and Slytherin bad boy Draco Malfoy…
Harry's eyes widened severly as Ron and Hermione couldn't contain their laughter any longer.
"This…this is unbelievable! I would never! If these so called 'fans' really knew what I was about, they would know that this would never happen in a million years!" Harry was furious, made more so by his friends' laugher.
"Come on, mate, it's pretty funny if you think about it," Ron said.
"You don't think I would actually…" Harry began.
"Well, you and Malfoy do have a strong rivalry, that could easily be misinterpreted…or you two could be hiding your true feelings!" Hermione laughed and Ron joined her.
"Some friends you are! Well I know just what to do!" Harry in a furious rage rushed over to the Slytherin table towards his hated rival.
"What is it, Potter," Malfoy spat, "I can hear the Mudblood and Weasly all the way over here!"
"Shove it Malfoy! Read this!" Harry shoved the newpaper into Malfoy's hands. The Slytherin read the headline.
"Great, now the Muggles love you too huh? Appropriate for a Mudblood lover."
"Read. The. Bloody. Article." Harry demanded.
"What, Skeeter misspell your name or something…" Malfoy scanned the article. "That foolish old man let this out! Wait till my father hears about this!"
"NO MALFOY!" Harry exclaimed. "Trust me, you don't want your father to hear about this!" Harry pointed farther down the article to the worst part. Malfoy read it, then his face turned as pale as his hair.
"How dare they...How. Dare. They! There will be hell to pay for this!" In the distance, Harry and Malfoy looked at the Gryffindor table to Ron and Hermione's laughter as they saw Malfoy's reaction. He looked to his lackeys, Crabbe and Goyle, thinking they would be no help and there would be no way he'd let them know what was going on anyway. There was only one option…
"What are we going to do, Potter?" Malfoy asked.
"You're asking me for help?!" Harry replied.
"This is an attack on both of our prides. We need to take care of this quickly."
"I'm not sure if we can, but we can try to do some damage control."
"How?" Malfoy asked.
"Just wait till the next Hogsmeade weekend. We'll leave the school, and then we strike!"
Two weeks later…
A young Muggle girl was putting the finishing touches on her latest fanfic and she was very giddy. "Wait till the others read this, this is my best work yet!" She reread her key scene again before submitting it to her friends.
The Quidditch game was over with Gryffindor as the victor. After the announcement was made, Harry quickly ran to Draco's fallen form, he was knocked off his broom from a great height after being hit by a Bludger that was following Harry as Harry was dodging it. He didn't know why, but Harry felt responsible for his rival's injury. Draco looked up at Harry, who was beginning to tear up.
"You're crying for me, Potter?" Draco was honestly surprised, he didn't know Harry cared.
"Yes I am. I do care. A lot." Harry kissed Malfoy passionately. At first, Draco was confused, but he began to enjoy it…
The fan girl squealed with joy at rereading her work. Then she heard a strange popping noise behind her. Turning around, she looked into the faces of her heroes.
"I don't believe it! It's you! It's really really you! Both of you, together! I knew it!" She rushed to Harry and Malfoy to give them a hug but she saw that the young wizards had their wands pointed towards her.
"What the…?" she asked.
"Listen to us, and listen to us well, Muggle, because we're only going to say this once," Malfoy began.
"We. Are. Not GAY!" Harry gave the girl a furious glance, "take down your…horrible stories and tell all your friends to do the same and spread the word! Or else!"
"Oh we know you really aren't like that, but it's all in good fun…or is it? Both of you are here together, and acting civil towards each other. Maybe you really are…"
"That does it, you had your chance," Malfoy began, "Ready Potter?" Harry nodded and both of them pointed their wands towards her head.
"What are you going…"
"You're a fan, you figure it out!" Harry replied, then he and Malfoy casted together, "OBLIVIATE!" The girl fell back on her chair, an expression of confusion on her face.
"Who are you guys and what are you doing in my room?" She asked quietly, not sure what was going on.
"It worked Potter!" Malfoy grinned.
"Great job, Malfoy. That's one fangirl down. We have all day to finish as many as we can." The two wizards apparated out of the girl's room, preparing to hit their next target…
(A/N: I hope you guys liked this one. And fangirls beware, you may be next lol)