Just a quick crack oneshot i wrote.


The Kids Aren't Alright

"This is a mission for Naruto Ni-Chan!!" Cried Konohamaru punching his fist into the air, gibbering about where he would first start looking for the blonde. Udon and Moegi, his fellow friends and team mates, exchanged exasperated glances, knowing their day off was officially ruined.

As usual they had met in the morning, awaiting either a mission or a day of gruelling training. But when their Sensei, Ebisu, finally arrived in a poof of smoke, he'd hastily shoved a familiar orange book into his vest and wiped away the blood dripping from his nose before quickly telling them they had the day off and disappearing in another cloud of smoke.

Obviously Konohamaru wasn't going to take this. How was he meant to become Hokage when his Sensei didn't even bother to train him?! For an hour or so he'd dragged his team mates around the whole of Konoha, searching for the elusive Ebisu, but seen hide nor hair of him.

"But we've already searched through all of Konoha and we didn't see the Boss anywhere!" Moaned Moegi, collapsing onto the floor.

"That's easy, he'll be at the training grounds like he always is. Then he can track down Ebisu and kick his ass for us!" Said Konohamaru, fire burning in his eyes. Udon and Moegi rolled their eyes before following their team mate anyway as he took off towards the woods on the outskirts of town.

As the Genin's reached the grounds they found a group of three Jounin lounging in the warm midday sun, a huge white dog bounding around them happily. Approaching, they politely asked where they might find the blonde. The Jounin with his back to them immediately whipped around to reveal a wild face, plastered with a feral grin, his long canines on show.

"Naruto, eh?" He chuckled. Moegi squeaked at the appearance of the boy, he looked like he was about to eat them.

"Kiba, I think you're scaring them. Put your teeth away." Stated one of the other Jounin dryly, his face half-hidden by a high collar, black sunglasses blocking out his eyes. Kiba just growled at the other Jounin before turning back to the three Genin, mischief sparkling in his black eyes.

"If you want Naruto, he's over in a clearing just beyond those trees." Said Kiba, pointing towards the tree-line, a couple of hundred yards away, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

"Kiba, I don't think that's such a good idea." Murmured the final Jounin, a pretty girl with pale eyes and dark hair.

"If they're friends of Naruto, they'll probably know anyway." Shrugged Kiba. The girl just shook her head in defeat as Akamaru bounded over demanding to be petted.

"Err, thanks." Konohamaru said, slightly confused before dragging his team mates in the direction the wolf-like boy had pointed.

As they entered the woods they saw the signs that a battle had recently taken place. There were many broken branches, trees that had been reduced to piles of ashes and the ground pounded to rubble from earth Jutsu's. Following the line of destruction, they finally came to the clearing that Kiba had mentioned, and promptly gasped with shock at the sight before them.

Both Naruto and Sasuke were there, covered in dirt, cuts, sweat and bruises. But it wasn't their bedraggled state that had shocked the group. It was what they were doing.

Sasuke had the blonde pinned to the floor, straddling his hips as pale hands interlaced with golden ones, held fast at either side of Naruto's head. They were locked in a particularly aggressive kiss, a battle of lips and tongues. Sasuke's T-Shirt was ripped in many places, while Naruto's top had hitched up to reveal his swirled seal.

Suddenly a battle cry rang out through the woods, a blur of blue flew towards the Uchiha and he promptly felt himself being kicked off the blonde and deposited onto the ground. Oh, he was pissed, seriously pissed. He and Naruto had been having an argument, about god knows what, causing their sparring to get a little out of hand. Now their make-up session had been interrupted and the Uchiha wasn't going to tolerate that.

With a snarl he jumped to his feet, Sharingan blazing, ready to thoroughly pound whoever had dared to kick him.

"You!" Shrieked Konohamaru, his face red with anger as he pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke, "You're the one who hurt Naruto Ni-Chan before!! Now you're trying to rape him!!"

Sasuke narrowed his red eyes dangerously.

"What?" He said in a deadly voice.

"I said-!" The Genin was however cut off from his ranting, as Naruto clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Seriously Konohamaru, you don't want to make him anymore angry." The blonde said nervously, not liking the terrible aura he felt coming from his lover. The younger boy however managed to wriggle out of his grasp and continued to scream at the Uchiha obliviously.

"I'm not scared of him! I'll kick his ass for what he was doing to you!"

"Why you little..!" Seethed Sasuke before launching himself at Konohamaru. With a squeak the Genin immediately realized his mistake and began running. He sprinted as fast as he could through the woods, back onto the training grounds and towards the three Jounin he'd seen earlier.

But before he reached Team 8 however, Sasuke caught up with him. He wrapped his pale fingers around the boy's neck, lifting him off the ground and throttling him.

"You little shit!! Do that again and I'll kill you!!" Yelled Sasuke, shaking the Genin for extra effect.

"Help! Rape! Rape!" Choked out Konohamaru, his face slowly turning blue.

"I wasn't raping him you idiot!" Sasuke yelled back. He suddenly paused in his beating when Kiba gave a loud bark of laughter as he rolled around on the floor, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Sasuke! Put him down, your hurting him!!" Shouted Naruto as he finally caught up with the pair. The Uchiha complied by the blondes words. But instead of putting the boy down on the floor, he threw Konohamaru at the Dog-Nin who seemed to be finding the whole situation hilarious.

"There was no need for that!" Cried the blonde.

"I don't particularly like being accused of things I haven't done!" Sasuke shouted back.

"Well it was practically rape!" Naruto yelled.

"You were the one who kissed me first!"

"Well you were the one who went all seme on me and pinned me to the ground!"

"I didn't see you protesting much!"

Hinata sighed as the stream of accusations carried on. Looking at Kiba, who was slightly dazed from having a small boy thrown at his head, she shook her head and carried on petting Akamaru.

"I told you it was a bad idea." She said.

Ahh ninja antics...