Title: Because It's An X-File, Duh
Author: smitha-r
Rating: R
Fandom(s): X-Files/Bones
Pairing(s): Scully/Brennan
Summary: Brennan is brought in to help Scully identify a particularly mysterious John Doe, when events get a little out of hand.
Notes: Take the lovely Agent Scully and the fiesty Dr. Brennan, handcuff muse to self for inspiration, add a generous helping of D-grade crack and a whole lot of lovin', stir ingredients vigorously, add a touch of thenaughtydingo's persistence, leave the concoction to ferment overnight in a dark, warm space, and voila! Hot, cracktacular crossover fic that makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.


The basement of the FBI medical building was not the most cheerful place by any means. Death wasn't something that was usually celebrated, but some cultures managed not to turn the event into something out of a dark, dreary nightmare. Brennan wondered if the medical examiner would listen if she explained what a little light would do for such a place. Then again, that creepy medical examiner the FBI employed was always more interested in making suggestive comments that she could easily ignore.

She pushed on the steel doors to the morgue and walked inside, in full anthropologist mode. But her steps faltered as she saw who awaited her; not the usual scrawny examiner who she was used to dealing with, but a petite woman with fiery red hair. The woman was in the process of tagging the half-decomposed body when she turned to look at her guest.

"You must be Dr. Brennan, the forensic anthropologist." she said, pulling off a latex glove to shake her hand solemnly. "I'm Agent Scully with the FBI."

"Yes, I'm Dr. Brennan." she replied, a little confused as she shook the agent's hand. "Where's Tepper? I usually conduct these investigations-"

"This victim is part of a special case file that myself and my partner are investigating, and since I'm a medical doctor I'll be performing the examination with your help. My knowledge about the case's details might help us figure out exactly how this guy died."

Brennan nodded slowly, turning towards the body that was lying on the table. "Male, aged mid to late thirties, suffered from a fracture to the occipital bone..."


Minutes passed and Scully's anxiety began to ease. Weird things happened when people were in proximity to this particular body, but so far things seemed to be fine. She remembered standing out in the field where the victim had been found, crouching over the victim's body to search for clues and suddenly feeling flushed with... well, sexual aggression was the best way to put it. And she remembered the way Mulder's jaw had tightened as he looked at the body, how the paramedics spoke in flustered tones while they transported the corpse. There had to be some logical explanation for it, excess pheromones on the John Doe being most likely. She supposed it was a good thing that Mulder had run off to investigate who their John Doe was; being in this room as him would not have turned out well.

But as things were standing, it didn't look like the body was having any effect on Dr. Brennan at all, which was a good thing because Dana Scully was having an increasingly hard time focusing on the subject, thinking instead about hauling the blue-eyed anthropologist to the floor and sliding her tongue across those pretty lips.

Scully shook her head to clear her thoughts, realizing what the taller woman had just announced. "Are you saying there's nothing physiologically wrong with him?"

Dr. Brennan shrugged and pulled off her latex gloves in one smooth motion that Scully couldn't help but appreciate. "Aside from the fracture that caused the intracranial hemorrhage and ultimately his death, I see nothing else on the surface. X-rays may give me more information. Do you have one nearby?"

Scully pointed to the far corner of the morgue towards a side door. "Through there. Give me a second..." She started to wheel the table towards the room where they kept the diagnostic equipment and she could feel Brennan walking behind her, the other woman's proximity a constant distraction. How was it that she was absolutely unaffected by this madness?

It took some time to configure the machine, and it would take some time for the x-rays to develop and be processed, so Scully found herself standing next to Brennan and admiring her with great restraint. Her curiosity was beginning to get the best of her, and she cleared her throat cautiously.

"In our investigation, my partner and I noticed some... unexplained phenomenon in relation to the body."

Brennan looked puzzled. "Unexplained?"

"Yes. Specifically, anyone in close proximity to the body seems to exhibit an increase in sexual appetite. That's my unofficial conclusion; I haven't exactly had time to document my observations."

There was a pause from Brennan, but when she spoke again there was a hint of amusement in her voice. "And you want to know if I'm experiencing an increase in sexual appetite."

Scully felt herself blush but maintained her professional demeanor. "Well, I assume you aren't, considering the fact that you seem to be acting completely normally."

Brennan smiled secretively. "I just happen to be very adept at restraining myself. As are you, Agent Scully."

"Wait, so..." Scully stared at Brennan, unable to put her thoughts into words. Which wasn't that much of an issue, because before Scully could come up with an appropriate way to say 'Wanna make out?', Brennan placed her hands on Scully's shoulders and pulled her forward, their lips crashing together. A moment later, Scully had managed to pin Brennan against a nearby wall, neither of them particularly restrained or delicate about what they were doing, feeling like a fever was rushing through them and only the touch of the other would break the spell.

Their kisses were rough and hot as Scully swiped her tongue across Brennan's lower lip, before plunging further and tasting every corner of her mouth. Brennan moaned against her, knees beginning to tremble as she sank to the floor. Scully sank with her and took the opportunity to straddle her, hands reaching underneath the anthropologist's shirt as she kneaded the woman's breasts and brushed the pads of her thumbs across the hardened nipples. Brennan gasped and thrust against her, reveling in the delicious friction as she began to lay a trail of kisses from Scully's neck to the valley between her breasts. When Brennan dropped her hand from Scully's shoulder and stroked the apex of her thighs, the redhead groaned with pleasure, her breath in short pants as they pressed and rocked against each other.

All of a sudden, there was a whirring noise and the loud sound of a buzzer going off filled the room.

Scully took a calming breath and slid away from Brennan. "The x-rays are ready."

Brennan gazed at her through darkened eyes, the rise and fall of her chest starting to slow. "You do realize that we will have to work around the body for a while longer, right? These unexplainable reactions may not only persist, but become even more extreme with prolonged exposure to the victim."

Scully stood up and brushed herself off with a small smile. "If that's the case, I can think of a few things we can do to in the aftermath." She headed back towards the x-ray machine and the mysterious John Doe, grinning to herself when she heard Brennan scramble off the floor and follow at her heels.