Chapter 21: Forgive and the Unforgiving

"Lay beside me, and tell me what they've done
And speak the words I want to hear,
to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's opened if your true
If you can understand the me,
then I can understand the you"

-Metallica (Unforgiven II)

Jessica walked down the hallway the following afternoon. Jane was trailing at her heels. Jessica thank the heavens that classes were in as her flowy dark blue dress swirled around her legs. Dumbledore had told Snape at breakfast that Jessica's new place at Hogwarts was ready, now she listened to Jane, skipping behind her singing the song from Sleeping Beauty. She wondered if her daughter remembered that Christmas as vividly as she did. Since then she had tried to get a hold of her old friend, with no reply. Finally, they found the brown door, across from the painting of the unicorn and fairy. "Pixie Dust," Jessica repeated the word Snape had told her as the password.

The walls were house-neutral, compared to most teachers' quarters. A light brown covered the main room's walls. There was modern looking black sofa up against one wall that Jane ran over to excitedly and jumped on. There was a dark cherry book case up against the opposite wall, lined with books. There was a huge window on the left side of the room that took up a large portion of the wall, and had a beautiful desk underneath it. Walking over to the desk, she noticed a stack of maybe twenty books, on the top was a note, held in place by two lemon drops.

Dear Miss. Monroe,

I took the liberty of picking of some Arithmancy books for you to review before the upcoming school year. I hope you enjoy them.

Enjoy the lemon drops,

Albus Dumbledore

Shaking her head, she walked over to the book shelf and noticed wooden horse sitting on top of a book; it was Snape's copy of the Iliad, worn at the edges. Sighing, she held it close to her chest, thinking about everything. She was quickly brought back to life by the sound of her daughter screaming; Jessica looked around alarmed. Jane had opened a door, which turned out to be her bedroom.

The walls were covered in a mural magically charmed with fairies, unicorns and dragons. Jane was jumping already on her four poster bed with light blue drapes. Jessica decided to leave Jane alone with her perfect room. The door next to it turned out to be the bathroom. This was done in silver and blue. There was a shower and a nice large tub. The sink had the two toothbrushes; the two her and her daughter had been using, and a bar of sweet smelling soap. The toilet sat behind a closed door, an odd little touch.

She walked out and went into the final door left she hadn't entered. She held her breath and walked in. Gasping, she looked around the room, a huge king sized bed laid in the middle of the room. Running over to it, Jessica jumped on the bed, smiling like an idiot. Her room was in black and sliver and it was gorgeous. There was a large mirror, closet, a desk and everything a real room had. It was a large step up from her days of sleeping in the living room.

Suddenly remembering all those books, she walked into the living room, grabbed the top one: 'Teaching Wizards Numbers: A Guide to teaching Arithmancy'. "Too advanced," Jessica grumbled, throwing it to the side and picking up the next one 'Relearning Arithmancy'. "There we go," she thought, moving back to the couch and opening the book, putting her legs up on the low table in front of her.

Hours later, a soft knock came from the door, as Jessica moved out of her daughter's room, where she had been checking in on her baby. She was fast asleep; her arm firmly wrapped around Rosie the dragon. Closing the door softly, she walked over the door that led into Hogwarts. "Who is it?" she called through softly.

"Who do you think?" a cool even voice answered back.

Chuckling, Jessica opened the door to see Severus standing there, arms folded; he glanced up and down her, taking in her old jeans, covered in holes and her large baggy tee shirt sporting the saying: Designed to Dance. He raised his eyebrows at it and Jessica shrugged, "I danced in my teen years, ya know, ballet, jazz, tap, pointe and so on…" she trailed off.

"So, what do I own your pleasure at four in the morning?" Jessica asked after a moment.

"Just wanted to check in on you…"

"Yeah, well, everything is good here," Jessica answered a little more coolly than she meant.

"This morning…I'm..."

"Look, its fine."

"No, it's not," he said, after breathing slowly.
"Yeah, well, apologize accepted," Jessica sighed, opening the door wider for him.

He walked in slowly, his arms slowly uncrossing.

"Studying much?" he tried to strike a conversation, nodding to the stack of books, some open, some with post-its stuck on the pages. Pages of Jessica's sloppy handwriting, what Severus guessed were study plans.

"Your hair looks a little nicer," Jessica said suddenly, tilting her head to the side.

"Um…thanks," he said uneasily. "I'm sorry about this morning," he said, his words jumbling together from how fast he was talking.

"All is well," Jess shrugged, shooting him a soft smile.

She walked over slowly and cupped his cheek in her hand. "You know for a bat, you ain't that bad lookin…"

"And for a retire stripper, you're quite brilliant," Snape shot back.

Jessica smiled, her fingers trailing down his cheek and neck, landing on his chest. She leaned in slowly, and touched her lips to his. Snape moved closer, putting both hands on her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Jessica tongue opened his lips as she deepened the kiss, his hands roaming more freely. She slowly unbuttoned his robes as steered her towards her bedroom. When they reached the bed, Snape's robes where on the floor, his shirt and pants still in tact. He leaned her down slowly, breaking the kiss long enough to do so as she placed feather light kisses on his neck. Severus pulled her shirt slowly over her head and a mild expression of shock crossed his face when he noticed she wasn't even wearing a bra underneath.

"I was trying to get comfy earlier…" Jessica answered breathlessly.

He nodded in understanding as she pulled off his belt and continued onto his black shirt. Severus slowly massaged her breasts, kissing them slowly and eventually speeding up, his need growing. Biting her skin softly, he unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, clumsily, throwing them on the ground, her hands moved past the hem of his boxers. Finally, Severus couldn't stand it anymore, he reached down slowly took her underwear.

He admired her naked body, all the curves, the skin, even the bits of fat on her thighs and stomach. He moved towards her and was almost near enough when Jessica jumped out of the bed, fear in her eyes.

"Jess…what's wrong?" he asked, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"Nothing," she squeaked, backing away, till she hit the wall. Severus stood up, only clad in his boxers, which where grey and faded, nothing compared to her lacy red underwear.

"Jess…"

"Look I'm sorry, it's just after what happened with Shawn and everything and when you took them off…" she said, gesturing to her fallen underwear, "I got nervous and just, all the memories…" she bit her nails unsure.

Severus punched the wall in frustration. "I'm sorry!" Jessica shrieked, not even trying to cover her nude body anymore. "It's not your damn fault, okay, it's that bastards fault!" he shouted, eyes livid.

"I'm so sorry, so so sorry," Jessica muttered.

"It's not and it could never be. I love you; I've loved you since that day in the bookstore. I love how you sleep in big tee shirts and how you care so much for Jane and how you bite your nails when you're nervous. I love how you wear Muggle clothing and how you dance in the streets like no one is watching…" he went on, opening up for the first time in a long time.

"You know you don't mean that," Jessica cut him off.

"What to you mean?" Snape asked slowly.

"Lily." Jessica answered simply.

Severus face fell, "She's dead."

"That doesn't mean you've stopped loving her," Jessica answered, titling her head to the side.

"But I love you, now and here," he pleaded, his eyes darkening.

"Please, just leave," Jessica turned her back on him, wrapping her robe around herself and hugged herself as if she was cold.

"Don't do this to me…" he requested. Jessica just shook her head. He walked over and wrapped his arms around her, she struggled, she kicked him, she beat against his chest, but he didn't move. He just kept holding her. After nearly five minutes of her violent actions, she melted into her arms, choking on her tears. "Come here," he said, nodding to the bed. Her eyes widen.

"No, no sex…just rest," he said, he'd never been this soft in years, not since young years with Lily, it felt well.

She nodded, still in her robes. He lay down and made sure he was as far from her as possible, so she wouldn't get uncomfortable. After a few moments, she scooted over to his back and wrapped her arms around him.

"Sweet dreams Severus and thanks…"

"Anytime, Monroe…anytime."


Disclaimer: I do not own the song or anything Harry Potter. I mean, I'm writing fan fiction; after thousands of disclaimers, doesn't anyone understand, we don't own anything.

Author's Note: Well, I'm not sure how much I like the whole scene at the end, I never wrote anything that explicated before. I don't think I went past the current rating, but if anyone thinks otherwise, please let me know, I really don't want this story deleted. So, sorry about the long update and I hope you liked this chapter.

Prncssanime: thanks for the song!! Worked well for this chapter and I didn't even plan it that way.

If anyone has more songs, tell me, I'll try my best to use them.

Love ya, guys!

Sam