Kingdom Hearts II

Always You That I Despised

By LuckyLadybug

Notes: The characters are not mine, and this little ficlit is. It follows along with the ideas I presented in my story The Darkness Will Rise From the Deep, so that may or may not need to be read in order to understand this. I've tried to make this straightforward and understandable, however.


I hate you, Cloud.

I know that you loathe me, as well. If you were to wake up right now, and to see that I'm sitting on this chair watching you, you would be furious. You would say that you can't get away from me, even when you're trying to sleep. It's true, but it goes both ways. Do you think I want to be here? I would rather be anywhere else, but I'm not free to choose.

It's strange how things come full circle. You're me, and I'm you, but not in the way you might think. It doesn't matter, though. You can take it in whatever way you want. You don't need to know the full truth.

I used to be like you. I was young, I was reckless, I was the leader of Hollow Bastion's great army. I believed that I would always bring them victory. But events in my life started to change me, to feed my need for power and my hatred. Like you, I fought with my own darkness, but I lost. By the time I realized exactly what I had done to my life and to others', it was too late to change it. I was dead.

These dark wings I bear are a symbol of the consequences or punishments of the actions I took when I was alive. I'm bound to watch over you until you die, to try to keep you from making the same mistakes I did. I'm supposed to guide you on your path, to teach you how to deal with your hatred and to overcome it. That is the pennance I have to pay.

You're afraid of the fact that you have a dark side. You'll never get anywhere that way, as I've told you. You have to accept it's part of you. You have to learn to live with it, and learn how to control it. You can't just try to block it out. That doesn't work. That just makes it worse, but you never listen.

You keep all of your hatred bottled up in your heart, and when you can't take it any longer, it just comes spilling out. And then you're reckless. You don't think about anything except defeating the goal at hand, no matter what happens in the process. And you only end up regretting it after the fact. But "after the fact" is too late to stop it or change it.

I taunt you; I tell you things such as that the light doesn't suit you. I want you to prove me wrong. I want you to show me your true strength! I want you to show me that you're better than what I say you are. But so much of the time, you instead give in to your anger and loathing. You prove me right. And you prove that you're afraid. You can't stand hearing the truth put so bluntly.

Watching you is just like watching myself. You are me, Cloud.

That's why I hate you.