warning:angst, character death, implications of insanity, wooooosh x3
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' 'two halves of a whole..' '
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"If one goes, the other will follow." – It was the vow they made beneath the guise of best friends, beneath the glowering ridicule, beneath the clouds of doubt they both shared. They wanted to be more than what they were, but neither of them was strong enough to face the vicious scorn. So they settled for subtle gestures of affection in public and midnight trysts in a little cave tucked away within the brush on a little island. It was a small dot seen from the mainland, and they, like their spot, were comfortably hidden in the shadows where they could be themselves.
To Riku, it was fine like that. With enough insecurity, the older teen drew his only happiness every midnight in that little cave, his only pleasure drawn from the soft sounds of his lover as the younger one's body was explored inch by forbidden inch by overly eager hands and mouth.
For Sora, however, he couldn't name a worse pain than this; having to hide all that he felt, even positive emotions (it made it worse), all the love and adoration he harbored for his best friend, it was pure torture and yet- it was, in essence, a necessary pain. He needed it if he wanted to love him.
And Riku knew this. He could practically feel the spirit of a normally happy teen breaking each time they met in secrecy, each time they touched each other, each time they expressed how much they loved one another. Riku could see the fakeness of Sora's smile and he could hear the tremor in his voice. They weren't lies, though, and perhaps that was what killed him the most. Sora was torn between loving and suffering for it, and Riku was too selfish to acknowledge his pain.
Then, despite knowing how he felt, the death still managed to come as a surprise. Maybe it was because it wasn't the way Riku would have figured it would happen. If Sora was to have the life stripped away from him, Riku figured he would have been the one to have done it himself; such was usually the fate of one who wore a mask for way too long.
Regardless of the how, the fact still remained. Sora was gone, and Riku was now alone, devoid of the only thing that brought him happiness.
But the realization wouldn't sink in right away. He spent the days to come in a haze that was easily attributed, by his peers, to the unexpected death of his very best friend. No one in their right mind would ever have thought that he'd just lost his lover.
When it did manage to hit him, it was after an unexpected, impulsive fit of rage that left unsightly damage to his bathroom mirror. The impact was so hard that a piece had even separated, crashing to the floor in numerous shards and leaving Riku with only half a reflection.
It was that moment that made him realize that he was no longer complete, not without Sora.
"If one goes, the other will follow."—
The boy may have been gone, but the promise remained; the two bottles stood, outlined by the moonlight and perched between two broken halves of a paopu that they never got to share (though they promised they would one day.) But before he even popped the top to the pills, Riku acknowledged the doubts the plagued him.
He wanted to follow Sora, of course he did. But could he really hurt everyone else? After all, it wasn't as if Sora had hurt anyone. He truly was a victim, having had his life cut short unwillingly, despite his unhappiness. How could Riku bring himself to commit the most selfish act of all? (Then again, maybe Sora's death was a blessing. Maybe it set him free after all. And Riku didn't even have to hurt anyone, not willingly anyway.)
In the end Riku decided that he was going to be selfish either way. If he didn't go through with their promise, he'd betray his best friend. If he did he'd betray the friends and family he'd leave behind.
Since he was selfish either way, he decided to choose the former, and be happy while being selfish. He'd keep his promise.
A bunch of those little pills were clutched in a shaky fist as he mused over his final moments. He used his free hand to throw away one half of the paopu fruit. The splash echoed. The second part followed, and he bid farewell to it, as if bidding farewell to his own remaining half, which he was just about to destroy.
But the sound of the half bouncing off something harder than water was the first thing to alert his attention, drawing it away from the task at hand. The resounding splash of the final piece of fruit followed after, many seconds too late.
What happened next was bewildering to Riku, who eyed the edge of the small island with a blank stare, both annoyed and unnerved when he heard the faint "What the.." that sounded. How could he have possibly missed another human being splashing around in the ocean?
For the moment, all thoughts of his imminent suicide were abandoned, merely for curiosity's sake. But as the silver-haired teen slipped to the edge, stealthily as possible, he was met when the other ascended the small, rickety ladder that hung on the side.
The two had never met before that moment, but Riku couldn't tell the difference. In that instant, he felt betrayed by his sanity. The hair color was different, but it was a minute detail that he easily looked over, probably because of those cerulean eyes, wide with both surprise and an equal amount of curiosity.
"Sora?" He questioned, stricken with disbelief, and yet his tone hopeful just the same.
"Roxas.." The blonde corrected patiently, studying the other before his gaze wandered to the two strange bottles. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was happening. "What're those?"
Riku didn't answer right away; he was still too fixed on the fantasy before him. All thoughts prior to that moment had been dismissed, and in his mind he knew that Sora was still alive. He wouldn't have to follow him anywhere, and he could keep his friends and family happy.
"Nothing." He replied after a moment of pensive silence. His back was turned to the bewildered youth, and he moved back to his previous place besides those weapons of destruction. But all he did was toss them into the ocean, letting the waves claim them since he no longer had any use for them.
And Roxas accepted this answer, figuring it'd be better not to question it, especially if this strange adolescent was abandoning the idea. There was no need for further action on his part, other than offering a new found support.
"Are you alright?"
For the first time that night, Riku smirked, a gesture he was well known for among his peers, and among Sora, who was right there before him.
"Yeah." He responded, though his eyes refused to meet those concerned blue ones and instead wandered across the small distance to the shore of the island, and more particularly, to the hidden entrance of the secret place. "Hey, You wanna go inside?" He asked, as if the two had been friends for ages.
Roxas followed the elder's gaze across the water and to the dark vines and brush that shielded the entrance, shrugging indifferently. Why not? It wasn't as if he had anything better to do that night.
Nothing was different.
dislcaimer:I do not own any of this characters, nor do I profit from writing this. Disney/square enix does on both accounts.
author's notes: angst angst angst. :3 This is me trying to get back into the swing of writing. I actually completed something on my to do list. This makes me so friggen happy. Woosh! Reviews would also make me happier. So please supply:D