Title: Turk-y Sandwich

Author: Neldluva PG13-R, for language and mention of sex.

Characters: Reno, Rude, Tseng, Rufus, briefly Elena (no pairings)

Disclaimer: Not mine! Square Enix's.

Summary: Well, no one should be alone on Valentine's Day.


"So, you got any plans? Got some pretty girl shacked up somewhere to buy roses for or something?"

Rude shrugged at his partner, staring evenly behind his glasses. "Nope."

"Oh come on, a big good-lookin' guy like you?"

"I don't believe in this holiday."

"Oh," Reno said, deflated. He didn't get it … he loved Valentine's Day. All the single chicks were looking to get laid, and he was more than willing to accommodate them. There would always be herds of them at the bars, desperately looking for some reassurance that they weren't ugly and useless … and usually they weren't. Reno didn't much like romance. The entire idea of getting all sappy with someone and buying flowers and talking about the future just put him off his lunch. So he didn't really blame Rude or anything, he just thought it was strange. Rude would make for good company on Valentine's Day, especially for a nice girl.

"So, you gonna come bar-hoppin' with me and pick up a distraction?" he pressed.

Rude sighed, rolling his eyes even though Reno couldn't see. "Reno, it's a week night. We're working at 8 AM tomorrow. I am not going out and getting shitfaced and making a fool of myself for some desperate floozy."

"Oh," Reno said again, scuffing the toe of his shoe. He glanced at the door, watching Tseng pass back and forth as he prepared to close up shop for the night. "Whadya think boss is doing tonight, yo?"

"Who, Tseng?"

"Nah, the Prez."

"You know President ShinRa doesn't have a significant other. I expect he'll spend it alone, as usual."

"Hmm," Reno sighed. "Hey, don't leave yet?"

"Why not?"

"I got a idea."


"Hey, boss."

"Off the desk, Reno. I need to clean up."

Reno swung the bottle back and forth, the grin on his face more manic than usual. "I got booze!"

"I can see that. Good for you. Go get drunk somewhere other than my desk." Rufus's eyes were ice-cold and unforgiving.

"Nah, it's for us!" Reno said, swinging his arms around and tilting dangerously to one side. "For you and me and Rude and Tseng, cuz otherwise you're gonna sit alone and sulk. And it's Valentine's Day, yo!"

"I'm perfectly happy to sit alone, no matter what day it is."

Reno yanked the top off the bottle, waving it under Rufus's nose. "It's nice and old, just like you like it, boss. C'mon, let's get drunk."


A few hours later, none of them could remember how they ended up in Rufus's huge bed, draped over each other like puppies, alternately taking swigs of the good brandy Tseng had been hiding in his desk (Reno's scotch having long since been consumed), smoking away at Reno's pack of cigarettes.

"The thing is, see … the thing…"

"Gimme the bottle, yo."

"You know what would go good with this? Some pot."

"You got pot, Rude man?"

"Nah, I was just saying it would go well. Er, good. Whatever. Give me more of that."

"Reno, this is by far the gayest thing ever."

"I'm not gay."

"We're all laying in a bed on top of each other, drinking ourselves blind."

"Fuck off. Anyway, I'm not gay … someone's got his hand on my ass."

"The thing…"

"I don't have emotional issues."

"Never said ya did."

"I just … I like my privacy. And I don't like people. Gods, am I a sociopath?"

"Yeah, but it's okay for Turks to be like that. Hell, we couldn't be normal and do what we do."

"You ever think … maybe there's something wrong with us? I ain't had more'n a one night stand in…"

"Well, there's something wrong with you, that's for sure."

"No, fuck, the thing is…"

"Spit it out, boss."

"We're not going to remember this."

"That's why it's cool, yo. Shut up. Boss?"

"My father never loved me."

"Me neither."

"No, you don't get it. My father never loved me."

"Could've been worse."

"Nobody loves me. Why does no one love me?"

"I love ya, boss."

"I love you too."

"Rude?"

"… yeah. Me too. Fuck."


When Elena entered the office the next morning, it was empty. She frowned. Usually at least Tseng and Rufus were there, getting ready for the day and lining up all of their tasks. She wandered up to Rufus's bedroom, where sometimes Tseng had to deliver something personally.

She stopped in the doorway, a shocked look on her face. There, spread over Rufus's huge bed, were all four of them. The blue Turk jackets were in a crumpled pile at the foot of the bed. Reno was on top, she could tell by his bright hair, and drooling on Rude's shoulder. Tseng's unusually messy hair was in Rufus's mouth. They were piled up, a tangle of blue and white. She smiled a little, closing the door quietly behind her and going off to get some aspirin. She had no intention of babysitting four hungover men that day.