Finding Happiness

Part One

It was unhealthy and he knew it. But he just couldn't bring himself to trust much of anyone since… since the days he visited that dreadful island and saw that helpless demon treated like that…

Following the weeks after the break up with Daminan, Aya had found himself shacked up in his room most nights reading books. The three other men he lived with had noticed his unhealthy routine and mentioned it on more than one occasion. He didn't pay much attention to them, what he did wasn't any of their business anyway was it?

Tsukiyono Omi was the youngest, and the most worried about him. Being only 17 he was the most innocent and sometimes begged Aya to come out of his shell and go out. He had once in a while; when a particularly good event was coming up that he wanted to go to.

Hidaka Ken was a stubborn and hot headed as a bull. More then once he had barged into Aya's room and demanded he stop being such a bitch and get over what ever he was moping around about. And on those occasions he had left Aya's room with a black eye. It wasn't like he could understand what Aya had seen anyway.

That brought him to the oldest of the four of them, Kudoh Yohji. He was the playboy and the one that hit the club scene almost every night. And usually came back either drunk or with a date. The one time Aya had woken up in Yohji's bed after having a fight with Ken he saw just how big and comfortable his bed was. Plenty of room there for a date and then some. But he figured that Yohji needed the room because of how tall he was. The oldest stood a good 6 inches above his own head.

Yohji wasn't as pushy as the others. But he had suggested Aya join him a couple nights to go to some new clubs. Yohji had an idea what was eating at Aya which is what brought him to Aya's door so late at night. The door was already ajar; he just gave it a gentle nudge with the toe of his boot and stood in the doorway, leaning against the jam.

"Nose stuck in a book yet again? Damn it Aya this is unhealthy. You need to get out and get over what ever crab apple that's up your ass." Yohji took a long drag on his cigarette, held it in a moment and blew it out.

"Yohji, you know I don't tolerate your smoking in the house, what makes you think I would tolerate it in my own room?" Aya looked up over the rim of his glasses from the book he was so deep into.

Yohji gave his best playboy smirk. "I'm not in your room, I'm in the hall." He pointed down to where he stood was in the hallway just outside Aya's door. It was that moment Aya took a moment to analyze what Yohji was wearing. A short green crop top with low slung leather pants. Hip huggers, to be exact; no underwear. He could tell easily because those kinds of pants weren't cut for underwear. Had he been wearing any Aya would have been able to tell the outline of them though the material.

"I didn't ask for your opinion on my current mental state. Had I wanted any opinion on that I would have asked the coffee machine." He elegantly took off his glasses, deciding that it was a waist of time to read while Yohji was in the house, and sat them on top of the closed book on his end table.

"Ouch… Hey I just came to ask if you wanted to come with me to the club. Its got the best music and the alcohol there isn't bad either." He hooked his thumb over his shoulder as he talked about the club.

"You have asked me that every night this week." Aya said as he moved to go to his closet.

"Yeah, I just thought, you know, maybe tonight you'd give in and come with." Yohji gave a half hearted shrug as he adjusted his position on the door jam.

Aya hated to be predictable, always saying no every night was becoming routine and he decided a change was in order. Yohji's cigarette almost dropped from his lips as he watched Aya walk out in some leather pants and tight sleeveless shirt of his own. No midriff like Yohji; that would be pushing it. "Maybe I'll come see what's so great about these clubs you keep raving about." Aya snagged his coat from the chair, and quietly went past a stunned Yohji.

It took him a moment to realize Aya was already down the stairs and headed for the door before he was able to shake the fuzz from his brain and grabbed his own coat, "Yo, wait for me!"


The music was too loud and the dance floor a little too packed for his liking. So, Aya kept his seat by the bar watching over his drink like a hawk. He'd heard too many horror stories about young men falling victim to someone slipping drugs into their unattended drinks.

He watched Yohji on the dance floor, rubbing against anyone who was next to him while he danced seductively. That was his specialty after all, and he played the part very well. Aya sighed with disdain as he sipped at his vodka. I should have stayed home.

He suddenly felt a presence next to him and turned to see Yohji's smiling face at him. He didn't know which was scarier; a smiling, smug Yohji or a pissed off Yohji.

"Come on and dance already, it'll get you to loosen up and get your blood flowing." He grabbed Aya's arm and half drug half led him across the dance floor into the throng of bodies.

"If anyone touches me wrong there will be blood flowing, I can assure you that." Yohji heard Aya's baritone voice behind him.

"Someone really has to get that crab apple out of your ass. Was it Damien that put it there for you?" Yohji asked as he suddenly came to a stop and Aya ran right smack into his chest.

"How do you know about him?" Aya looked up into Yohji's eyes with the best glare he could muster past the surprise he felt.

"I saw you leave with him a couple times and started digging and found out his name and what he does. Why didn't you just tell us you had a boyfriend? Were you afraid you'd be too embarrassed to admit you were gay?"

"No!" Aya hissed, "Drop it alright! You have no clue what you're talking about!" Just as he was about to turn and leave the club all together Yohji grabbed him and pulled him against his body and began to move.

Yohji leaned over and whispered into his ear. "Or were you afraid I might be jealous?"

Aya's eyes narrowed into little slits of anger and he jammed an elbow into Yohji's ribs. That effectively loosened his grip on Aya. He spun around and landed a well placed punch right into Yohji's jaw that made Yohji fly back right onto his ass.

Everyone around them stopped dancing to stare at the fight going on. Yohji sat up and wiped the trickle of blood from his lip on the back of his hand. "Bastard, I bet you thought you had hidden it so well. Thought none of us noticed. Maybe you were just too damned wrapped up in your own world of pity to not notice that someone close to you had any interest."

Aya glared daggers at him, "You have no idea what happened between Damien and I." And with that he stalked over to where they had checked their jackets, grabbed his, and walked out. They had taken Yohji's Super Seven to the club so he had no way to get home except walk. He pulled on his coat and started walking.

Behind him the door to the club came open, letting out the loud music as Yohji walked out. He saw Aya and quickly caught up. "So why don't you tell me what happened?"

He stopped and clenched his hands in his pockets. "You wouldn't understand what happened… Wouldn't understand any of it…"

Yohji slipped in front of him so he couldn't get away, "Try me."

Aya looked up at him, even though he had given him a fat lip all he saw in Yohji's eyes was understanding and hope; and, dare he say, love. Aya sighed as he conceded himself; maybe all his team mates were right, maybe he had been bottling all this up for nothing.

"Not here… somewhere privet…" Aya spoke softly and turned to head back to Yohji's car.

Yohji snagged his arm before he could get away and pulled him to look into his own green eyes. Yohji looked down into violet pools that threatened to swallow him up. Nature marks dangerous beasts with vivid colors, he mulled to himself. If the red hair and violet eyes weren't testament to the danger he was playing with then the look in Aya's eyes was.

"Aya… Sometimes you don't have to look any farther than your back yard for what ever it is you're looking for… If you really thought you could get what ever it was that you wanted from that Damien then I'm sorry to say you're a pretty poor judge of character." Yohji knew that what he said was a good way to get himself clocked again, but it needed to be said.

"Oh, and you are?" Aya hissed at him.

"I don't pretend to be, but I know when I'm getting my ass in deep shit. I know I happen to be playing with fire right now but I'm willing to risk getting burnt if I fail… But just so you know I'm not planning on failing." Yohji's eyes bore into Aya's and Aya couldn't help but move back and twist out of Yohji's hold.

Aya just walked back to Yohji's car but Yohji didn't move. "I thought you wanted to know what happened."

"It's still early, why don't we walk? The park isn't too far anyway." Yohji had taken his keys out to set the alarm on his car and put them away again.

Sometimes Yohji could be as stubborn as Ken. He sighed and shrugged and walked until he met up with Yohji and they walked together in the direction of the park. While they walked Aya softly relayed the details of the break up with Damien after he had found him cheating on him.

Realization slowly leaked to Yohji's face as he listened to the grim details. "No wonder…" he sighed softly.

Aya didn't reply, just continued to walk in silence. They made it to the park eventually, the full moon shedding grim light on everything. There was no one in the park at this time of night when there could be stalkers and the like out.

Aya chose a bench to set on and Yohji plopped down next to him ungracefully as he lit a cigarette. He stared up at the moon as the cigarette slowly burned away. He pulled a few drags off of it now and then, but other then the sound of flicking of ashes and the night owls, they sat in silence.

"Why do you care?" Aya suddenly broke the silence. "Why do you care what I go though?"

Yohji looked over at him over his sunglasses. "Well we are a team after all… and if we can't trust each other in regular situations what makes you think we can trust each other while we're working?" Aya couldn't argue with Yohji's bit of reasoning. But he still was weary of the ex-detective. "I figure we both have our own fucked up past so if we can't lean on each other in times of mental cramps then who can we?"

The stupid logic of that made Aya give a short bark of ironic laughter. "Yeah, I guess we're both pretty fucked up in our own right."

"Besides I don't like to see you hurting." Yohji admitted softly. "And I was a bit jealous when I saw you running off with that tight ass, sugar daddy of yours. Sometimes I'd wish it was me setting in that limo with you instead…" Yohji gently scratched at an itch on his nose.

"I didn't much like going to see him sometimes… He insisted I move into an apartment he got for me, and every time he saw me he wanted to maul me…" Aya admitted as he leaned back against the bench where Yohji had an arm stretched out over it.

Yohji looked down at him over the rim of his sunglasses with a smug smile, "Well you do have a nice body. I don't know if I could keep my hands off you either from a long period of abstinence."

This made Aya blush, and he turned and pretended to examine the tree next to them as the blood rushed to his face. Yohji had to admit that was a welcome change from the girls he'd use to date that intentionally blushed to make themselves look cute. It was disgusting sometimes when the girl was a bit obnoxious in the presence of a sex god such as himself.

Yohji reached over, cupping Aya's chin, and gently got him to look at him. "You know you are good looking, and I don't mean in a sex sense…" Yohji leaned in and touched his lips against Aya's. He knew it was probably a little too soon but he just wanted to kiss him so badly.

The kiss was only a feather light one. No open mouths or tongues yet. Yohji was surprised when Aya returned the kiss and ran his tongue against the seam of Yohji's lips, seeking access. Of which he was all too happy to grant.

It was to Yohji's realization that Aya really needed someone he could depend on. Someone that he could come to in times of need and not expect to be mauled just because the other was sex deprived. Kudoh Yohji wasn't one for commitments really, but, he thought, what the hell?

Gently he slid his arms around Aya's back and pulled him closer. He broke the kiss off, in full Kudoh seduction mode, and began kissing down his jaw to his ear. He softly whispered words of endearment that meant more then anything he had ever said before.

"I'm not going to hurt you. Never…" He softly whispered as he took the lobe of Aya's ear between his teeth.

Aya closed his eyes. "Make it go away…" Aya drew a breath in to his air deprived lungs and spoke again, this time a little clearer. "Make me forget about him… about that… what happened…"

Yohji couldn't help but grin his sexiest grin. "Your wish is my command." He sealed his lips back against Aya's and this time he was the aggressor. But he backed off when he felt Aya back off. He then gently sucked Aya's tongue into his mouth and kissed him tenderly to correct his mistake. He kissed his way back down Aya's jaw and landed on his neck.

Aya enjoyed everything Yohji was giving him that Damien sometimes forgot to give to him. He eagerly laid his head back with closed eyes as Yohji sucked a pattern on his neck. A nice deep purple spot that would grow deeper by morning. He smirked, Take that, you tight ass, Aya's mine now!

As much as making out in a public place made Yohji hot and bothered, he knew Aya wouldn't much enjoy it, especially if someone happened to stroll by. Besides, he wanted his and Aya's first time to be special and soft and everything Aya wanted for a change. Yohji wanted to make sure Aya knew he was good for more then just a quick fuck to scratch mutual itches. He wanted to make sure Aya knew he was there for him 24/7.

"Back to my room?" He breathed in Aya's ear as he pulled Aya's jacket back onto his shoulders where he had slipped it off. Gee, how did that happen?

Aya only nodded and took Yohji's hand as he stood to lead Aya away towards where they had left his car. Yohji opened the passenger door for Aya and then jumped into the driver side. He smiled when his precious car roared to life and drove away.

Sometime halfway though the drive back Aya had leaned over for a hot kiss. Yohji almost got distracted from the road. But he was a master at such things and more times then he could remember a date had done exactly what Aya was doing now.

Even though he was appalled with himself at so many conquests in the past and now being with Aya, something warmed in his heart as he thought of the idea of waking up to Aya's beautiful mussed up red hair, to his beautiful velvety violet eyes, to a lover.

Yohji maneuvered his car into the parking garage with ease and was barely out of the car before Aya was there waiting for him. On the way up he reached out and hit the alarm on his car. When they made it up to his room he pinned Aya to the door and kissed him as he fumbled for his keys to open the door.

They both tumbled into the dark room and, after pulling his keys from the lock; Yohji gave it a kick to shut it and then locked it on a second thought.

Having practice at it, Yohji knew right where his bed was and led Aya though the room to it. Gently setting down on the end of it he pulled Aya into his lap on his knees so that he towered above him for a change. It was then he took the time to worship the soft skin around Aya's belly button. Aya gave a start when Yohji's warm tongue slipped into the small indention in his tummy.

"Gods… Damien never did that…" Aya laced his fingers though Yohji's long locks to hold on.

Yohji smirked, "So glad I could be better than your previous lover." He ran his hands up Aya's sides, taking the black sleeveless shirt with him, and slipped it over his head and let it drop by the bed. "I have so much more to show you. Some of it I'm sure Damien might have shown you."

Yohji kissed here and there, leaving a wet trail on Aya's stomach. He noticed the red dusting of hair that led below his pants and couldn't wait to explore that next. With experienced fingers he popped the clasp of Aya's belt and the button to his pants. But the zipper stayed in place.

"You know what this is called?" Yohji asked his prey as he kissed the trail of hair down as far as he had opened the pants. Aya looked down at him curiously and Yohji smirked, "This is called the 'Happy Trail.'"

Aya laughed and then gasped as Yohji used his teeth to slowly unzip his pants, the vibration going straight to his cock. He used Yohji's shoulders to steady himself. Why did Yohji have to know exactly where to push the right buttons?

Yohji then stopped what he was doing and Aya looked down at him, half angry half sad. Yohji tapped his chin thoughtfully. "It would be easy for me to sink my hands down and get rid of those pants within seconds… But you know how I don't like easy." He smirked up at Aya, "Strip dance."

"What?" Aya's face fell as he looked at Yohji. Did he really want Aya to put on a show after he was making his knees feel like jell-o with the ministrations he was giving him?

Yohji smirked up at him, pretty as you please, and leaned back on his palms. "You heard me."

Aya looked at him as if he were crazy. However he slowly got down and used the dresser edge as something to dance against. He didn't just take his pants off either, he slowly slinked his hips and touched himself in different places. He had to admit that he was getting hot.

He slowly slid his hands into his pants to start lowering them, but he turned his back to Yohji so the only view he'd get was the view of his ass. Yohji groaned, "Sassy kitten, you know more about this then you let on." But Yohji was no where near displeased.

By the time Aya had slipped his second skin off he realized that the dancing was just a ploy to distract him from what Yohji was doing. While he had been dancing Yohji had gotten out a fat tube, a pair of cuffs with padding, and some silk scarves. He could guess what the first two items were for, but he couldn't imagine what the scarves were for.

"Come here, kitten. I promise I don't bite… hard anyway…" Yohji's sly smile made him a little edgy. In all honesty he didn't like being tied up; it made him feel helpless and he didn't like it. Almost sensing his fear Yohji stood and came over to him. "It's a game Aya, a rather fun game you might like."

"Bondage for me… I'm not really into bondage Yohji." Aya would have escaped him but was pinned against the dresser.

"Nani…? Oh those aren't for you." Yohji said as he nibbled on Aya's ear. "You'll see what the game is and I know you'll like it. Just trust me." Yohji smirked at Aya's uncertainty. "I bet Damien never let you be the one in charge huh? I bet he led all the dances." Yohji smiled down at him, "The biggest test of trust and loyalty doesn't lay in the battle field. It lays in a lover's bed." He kissed Aya tenderly and then walked back over to the bed. "Have a seat and I'll show you what real strip tease is all about."

Aya watched him carefully as he laid himself on the bed, set to watch Yohji show him what was what. Yohji set his favorite sex-it-up music and took a moment to get into the mood of the music and began to move, slow and sinuous. One could see it as though it was a beautiful dance. But the predatory look in Yohji's eyes was more than enough to prove exactly what his movements were all about.

The first thing to go was his tight crop top shirt. It fell to the floor with ease. Aya didn't exactly know how he was going to get out of the pants though. The pants looked as though they were painted on and there were a pair of handcuffs snapped on just for the look. Aya dimly wondered how many pairs of cuffs the man owned.

Yohji worked it a little before he worked on the pants, touching himself and making himself hot for Aya's enjoyment. That's all Yohji worried about, Aya's enjoyment of their night. He unbuckled his belt and slowly slid it though the loops. It fell to the floor with a dull thud.

He popped the button on his pants and slowly shivered the zipper down. I should really try out for Chippendales if I'm this good! From hooded eyes he could see exactly how hot he was making his partner. Only a few seconds now and he'd be showing off everything.

Striping may have been an art, but truly giving one's self over to someone else was the hardest thing. To have someone trust you so completely in every aspect of life was as precious as life itself. Yohji hoped that by showing Aya how much he trusted him that he could receive his trust in turn.

Yohji sunk his hands down the back of his pants as he turned so Aya could see his profile. Slowly, using his hands, he pushed the soft leather down, still slinking his hips this way and that.

It was like watching a snake shed its skin, Aya thought numbly as he watched Yohji. The moment his pants dropped Aya caught himself drooling. Never in his life had he drooled over anything and he didn't really want to start now. Yohji slunk over and smirked down at Aya, "I've just demonstrated one way to get someone hot and bothered without ever touching them."

And true enough, Aya was very hot but only a little bothered. But he was very hard and wanted Yohji very badly.

Yohji kissed him and switched their positions so he was closer to the head of the bed. "And now, you get to lead the dance. How ever you want me." Aya wasn't sure how to seduce properly, but he thought over Yohji's words a moment and kissed him, urging him back against the soft pillows.

Blindly he reached for the cuffs on the end table and got them. He knew Yohji heard the clink of them because he gave a start and shiver of anticipation. The cuffs were a safe kind that buckled and could be unbuckled by who ever was cuffed by them if the game got out of hand. Aya made a mental note that if he had these he had to have other toys.

He buckled one cuff around one wrist and, after slinging the other though a post of the headboard buckled the other around his other wrist. Yohji tested the bonds and looked up at Aya, "You did okay baby, a little refinement and your technique will be flawless."

After a moment of taking in the sight of Yohji cuffed to the bed he reached for one of the scarves and secured it around his eyes. Perfect.

He moved off the bed and looked under it for the box of toys he just knew was there. Yohji wiggled some to get comfortable with his bonds. Bingo, Aya thought as he found the box. He looked though them a moment and chose the egg vibrator that was in the bottom of the box. He then climbed his way back onto the bed. "Find what you were looking for kitten?" Yohji asked as he lay there blind.

"Yes, I believe I did." He grabbed the tube of lubrication and put some on two fingers. He pushed one into Yohji's anus and he gasped but pushed down on the finger wanting more of it.

"Ah, right down to business huh?" Yohji squirmed as Aya held his finger still, trying for some kind of friction.

"You talk too much Yohji." Aya slipped the second finger in and spread them some. This made Yohji spread his legs and push down some more. But the cuffs were already extended as far as they could go and he couldn't really move much more.

Before he knew it Aya had slipped the small egg into his anus and moved back up Yohji's body. The moment he switched it on he kissed Yohji to swallow the cries of surprise and arousal. Aya sat on his stomach just above his cock as it twitched and jumped from the vibration right against his prostate.

Yohji bucked as he felt the cleft of Aya's ass against his cock, wanting to feel something against his center of attention. Aya got the tube again and fist used some to slick his entrance. He moaned as he fingered himself, making Yohji even hotter listening to something that he couldn't watch happen.

Aya reached behind and lifted the tip of Yohji's blunt sex to guide it to the hole of his entrance and slowly pushed back until the head popped inside. Yohji cried out and almost came, but held back best he could. He wanted so badly to buck up and push himself all the way in.

It wasn't long before he was fully seated in Aya's passage with Aya's steady pace. He leaned over and sealed his lips against Yohji's as he bucked up to start his own pace. Aya went with it and pushed down and pulled up too to help. Aya reached down and stroked his own erection some and the moment he came he made sure to clench tightly around Yohji's length.

Yohji cried out and followed after Aya as his climax took him. He lay there after such an amazing climax and felt Aya moving above him, gently pulling the vibrator out of him. He squirmed a little.

Aya gently pulled the strap of silk over his eyes and started to cover Yohji's face with small loving kisses. "You know, I'm going to have to make you pay for the hicky you gave me."

Yohji took a moment to make it look like he was thinking hard about it. "Um… What hicky?" He smiled innocently up at Aya.

Aya sat up, "The one right here." He pointed to the purple spot on the side of his neck. "I'm going to have to wear a turtle neck tomorrow you know."

Yohji smirked, "Oh I doubt a turtle neck is going to cover that rather well placed hicky, kitten."

Aya looked at him for a moment, with narrow slits of anger for eyes and for a moment Yohji feared he'd actually do something to hurt him while he was tied to the bed. But Aya just smirked while he couldn't stop him, leaned over, and placed an even better placed hicky just under his chin that none of his clothes could cover up.

"I think that's sufficient pay back." He sat up and Yohji relaxed like a puppet that had its strings cut.

"Did anyone tell you how beautiful you are?"

Aya thought about that for a moment. "I think Damien mentioned that… But I think he was talking about the good sex I gave him."

"Good? I don't think good describes it, Aya. Try mind blowing." Yohji smiled but suddenly sat up a little and looked up at him. "It was okay wasn't it? You're okay with this so far?"

Aya leaned over and began releasing Yohji from the cuffs. "Of course I am."

The moment his arms were free he wrapped them around Aya, longing to hold him since they began. "Good, because I don't want just one night… I want to be with you long term." He was licking Aya's neck, "lovers, if you want." Yohji said between licks.

Aya looked at him wondering what possessed him to ask for such a relationship. "If you're sure you want to have me for a lover, Yohji."

Yohji looked up at him, all the love in the world in his eyes. "I do, I want to have you as my boyfriend…" He thought about it, "I think lover is a more romantic term though."

Aya had to agree with Yohji on that, he liked the term lover a lot better. "Will we tell Omi and Ken?" Aya asked as they cuddled for a moment, starting to get somewhat sleepy.

"Not yet… but soon maybe." Yohji said as he noticed Aya's slowly falling lids. He slowly got up and padded to the bathroom. He returned with a warm wash cloth, cleaning both of them up quickly before settling back into the bed. By the time Aya's head hit his shoulder he was asleep. Yohji watched him until he fell to sleep as well.


Well here is chapter one!! I hope everyone loves it. Please tell me what you think in a review! or visit my site listed in my profile. THANKS!!!