Fit as Finn

Title: Fit as Finn

Author: Lizagirl

Disclaimer: If I owned them they'd be doing some kinky stuff to me

Rating: M
Summary: There's a bit more to Finn than everyone sees, and he's been running for so long, but right now, he's just broken. SLASH FINNCOLIN Rory, Logan, Steph, Rosemary and OC's as friends

Finn watched Colin across the room, his gaze obstructed by the smoke that filled the pub and his own drunken haze. He was laughing, Colin was, his arm curled around some blonde's waist, she was practically in his lap and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't look away. Colin was playing with her hair, exposing her neck and laughing at a joke Logan had made across the table.

Finn turned away, not quite willing to deal with the happy foursome that night. Colin and his blonde and Logan and Rory. He liked Rory, he really did, its just she was so symbolic of everything that he knew was coming. Logan would settle down with Rory, or someone just like Rory and then, and then so would Colin. And everyone would expect him to as well, and he didn't think he could tell anyone he couldn't settle down with his own Rory, or any girl for that matter.

He downed another shot at the thought. He'd lost count of how many he'd had but still wasn't as drunk as he'd like, he was never drunk enough until he couldn't feel anything, think anything especially about Colin. That was the only time he was ever drunk enough, and most of the time, that took have the liquor in the state, and it was only then, sometimes, that he could convince himself, through the drunken haze, that he wanted to go home and screw some random fuck, and drown out Colin and his girl in the next room. Or worse, not here Colin at all, because he'd gone home with his own girl. Don't get him wrong, he liked girls, he'd spent the majority of his teens debating this issue and through extensive self-research come to the conclusion that he liked girls and he liked guys, but most of all he liked Colin, something he'd never had the opportunity or guts to say to his best friend, hell Colin didn't even know he was bisexual.

Back when it was just the three of them he could deal with it, because no many how many identical, vapid girls they worked their way through, at the end of the day it would be the three of them, him and Logan and Colin, closer to each other than anyone else, and he was glad Logan was happy with Rory, and he hoped Colin would find happiness, he just hated that he never would, because he would never have Colin, amazing, beautiful Colin, that none of the other girls, or guys, had ever come close to, because he loved Colin, and all he'd ever loved about those girls was that occasionally, one of them would, just for a moment, help him ignore the giant black pit he could feel tearing him apart. Not just Colin, though he would admit that was a major part of it, but everything, because as much as Finn acted like an arrogant prick, and he knew he did, he was just felt like crap, so alone, and nobody noticed.

Finn downed another two shots of tequila in rapid succession imagining the blonde giggling and moving further onto his friend's lap. At least she'd had the guts to make a move, he rationalised, one more shot. Fin had always been to scared of breaking up his friendship, with Colin, and with everyone else… he wasn't stupid, he'd been at a succession of all boys prep schools, encounters with other guys were best left to loud angst clubs where no-one knew who the hell he was, and no-one ever would. Not that it mattered now, his whole life was falling apart Logan had already started to drift away, Rory, his work for his father this year, and he knew it was just a matter of time before Colin left for god, whether it'd be with a girl like Rory, or a socialite… hell the milk maid stood a better chance than he did.

He nodded to the bar-tender, "another two"

"I think you've had enough" he commented wryly

Finn pulled out $200. "another two! And keep them coming"

The bartender poured two more shots of tequila, and Finn drank them in quick succession, hoping the burn from the alcohol would turn into something a little more numbing a little faster.

"Finny" he hears loudly and two thin bony arms wrap themselves around his own, increasingly small waist and a air kiss is placed loudly against his cheek.

"Mwa, Mwa" he hears her say adoringly, and winces as, as he turns he sees both Colin's and Logan's heads snap around towards the bar from their own booth. The shrieker seems familiar, and not just because she's another tall, leggy blonde.

"Finny" she squealed again "Its Mandi! We met in St Barts last year. I'm Rosie's cousin!" that's why she seemed familiar.

Rosemary and Stephanie appeared beside her, and Finn smiled, he liked them in much the same way he liked Rory. They were nice girls, had something in them besides implants. Contrary to popular belief he did see beneath the surface but it was two much fun to hit on Rosemary and Steph, so just for the sake of it, and because he could practically feel the foursome's glares burning into his back he gave his trademark playboy smirk

"Hallo love", exaggerating his Australian accent, enjoying watching Rosie blush. She was hot, and over the past few years she'd been one of the few things in his life that had eased the ache.

Right now, however, he just wanted to be alone. Though he knew now he'd been seen it'd be hard to get out. He hadn't thought anyone's be here tonight, as far as he knew Rory and Logan had a date, and he had doubted Colin would come by himself, he hadn't expected their little foursome and he sure as hell wasn't about to become their fifth wheel. Either way, he was planning a quick escape and then some quality time with his 3 steady male companions, Jack, Johnnie and Jim.

"Finn, my man" now Logan was here, his arm wrapped around Rory, and his chances of escaping without hours of revelry was rapidly depleting.

"When did you get here" she asked

"Didn't see you here" Finn replied, not answering the question, his plan for the night had been simple, get drunk alone, pass out alone, and most importantly, not see Colin all over some girl, and now it'd take an age just to get out of this stupid pub.

OK he took that back, he loved this pub, it was their pub, they'd been coming here forever. Except now, with Colin's girls in it, and a fair share of his own, he admitted, noting Mandi, it seemed tainted.

"Come over" asked Logan, except Logan Huntzburger didn't ask, he expected, so Finn followed. Well he'd survived hundreds of other nights like this, fucking random blondes, well, girls of all varieties, and maybe if what's her face (Annie? Mandi! That was is) was any good she could take his mind of Colin, if only for a bit, maybe flirt and bit with Steph and Rosemary, maybe even crack on to Rory just to see Logan's face.

And then Finn felt like his insides had frozen solid and his stomach felt like rock. Colin's blonde was whispering in his ear, in his lap, and he laughed softly at some comment she'd made, one thing Finn loved was his laugh, and he realised he couldn't do this, not tonight.

Finn didn't know what it was about that night, that blonde, or maybe it was just everything piling up, but he felt physically sick, and inside his head he was screaming "Get out! Get out!"

"Nice Blonde" commented Colin, grinning like his picture perfect smile

"What?" slurred Finn, distracted, not quite aware that Mandi was leering at him over his shoulder while Steph and Rosemary talked to Rory and Logan.

"I'm going to take off" he managed to squeeze out. His lungs felt like they were about to collapse, his eyes darting to Colin's Blonde's mouth, then back to Colin's. Hers was a nice mouth, not quite as nice as his, but nice, and it would get to do all the things his wanted to.

"You all right?" asked Rosemary, concerned. Finn was an obsessive, flirtatious arsehole most of the time, but he was one of them, and while he drank like a fish, which she noticed he had obviously been doing, he rarely left before closing time.

"Love, you know I'm alright" was the best he could muster, accompanied by a wink.

"God Finn, don't be such a man whore" responded Steph, with melodramatic distaste, followed by a grin.

He grinned back, but Rosemary and Steph both internally noted, it didn't quite reach his eyes the way it used to.

"I have a date" he declared loudly and proudly and then mockingly bowing "so I depart for my lady awaits"

Finn stumbled out of the bar, and leant against a brick wall for support, his eyes tearing as he tried not to gad. God he felt sick. He hadn't drunk that much had he?

Turning into an alley he collapsed onto all fours, emptying his stomach which was already empty except for the spirits he'd just consumed. He vomited again and again, eventually dry heaving he spat onto the concrete, not really taking notice of the streaks of blood that littered his alcoholic smelling bile, yep, alcohol is definitely my major food group. He joked despondently.

"Wow. Are you ok?" it was that fucking blonde from before.

He pushed himself back so he was resting on the balls of his feet, almost crouching "Look Love, nothing personal, but I feel like crap so I want to go home and pass out. So if you could just fuck off?"

"God fine, whatever, I wouldn't have slept with you anyway" she stormed back down the street and Finn felt kind of bad, though he wasn't quite sure if it was for the blonde or the level he'd sunk to recently.

He staggered to his feet, hailing a cab (he'd walked there) and directing the driver drunkenly back towards the penthouse he shared with Colin and Logan.

His living accommodations had always seemed like a blessing before, he got to spend time with his two best mates, got to see Colin first thing in the morning, shirtless with his hair all ruffled… now though, he saw so much of Rory and whatever girl Colin was screwing it wasn't like their pad anymore…

"Maybe I should move out" he thought to himself, knowing he wouldn't. He'd be the last one there. When Logan and Rory moved in, or got married, whatever, and then Colin left, he'd probably be the last one there.

At least if he got his own place he could get drunk in peace, he reasoned.

Finn started unexpectedly, they were there, home. He handed over cash for the cab, plus another fifty.

"One of use should have a good night' he muttered, and stumbled onto the sidewalk and through the glass doors held open for him.

"Thanks Danny" he murmured, supporting himself against the wall as he waited for the elevator, before entering it, and then finally, the apartment.

He pulled off his jacket and unbuttoned a few more of the top buttons of his shirt, pulling it out of one side of his paints. He was still dressed in the clothes he'd worn to meet his father's friend,

"just passing through" he'd said. Finn thought it was nice to know Dad could organise a babysitter but couldn't pick up the phone.

"Well I am just the spare, second son" he rationalised.

He grabbed a bottle of Vodka out of the liquor cabinet, it was room temperature but oh well, and passed through his room on the way to his ensuite, unscrewing it and taking a swig, he stopped and stared for moment in the mirror door of his bathroom cupboard before splashing water onto his face ad opening it, pulling out a collection of pill bottles and packets. He popped out three anti-depressants from their silver packaging. 1,2,3, a trio, just like he and Colin liked to be, then he unscrewed a bottle of codeine, his throat was killing him and the Vodka probably wasn't helping. One, two, three, he added them to the anti-depressants, rolling them around in the palm of his hand, running his thumb over them.

Then he tipped out one more,
"Rory" he said to himself

"Col's blonde" he added

"And Mandi" he shut his eyes, leaning against the sink "wont we make such a beautiful couple"

He tosses a couple of them back, with a swig of Vodka, and then the others, with another gulp, barely gagging.

He picked up the large glass tumbler off the vanity, and tipped what was left of the Vodka into it, it ended up quite full. Grabbing a pill bottle from the top shelf of the cupboard, he left behind rows of half empty ones, left over from his nightly quest to find place to escape, just like tonight.

He turned towards the door and his stray arm caught the empty bottle, sending it crashing to the floor, shattering against the tile. He bent down, placing his tumbler next to the sink and his pill bottle on the floor. Finn reached for a piece of glass and sliced his thumb open. "Ahh" he winced, then grabbed his pills and vodka and left the bathroom, sipping absentmindedly.

Placing the vodka and pills on the nightstand, he shrugged his way out of his shirt, not noticing as his thumb left a trail of blood, and then, after kicking off his shoes, and one sock he reached for the pills. He struggled with the silver seal, eventually tearing it off an almost scattering them.

Finn poured out three, just like clock work, and knocked them back, finishing his Vodka, before placing the bottle back on the nightstand, misbalancing it on a CD case, at which point it slipped and a pool of blue pills surrounded the entrance to the bottle.

He reached for it, but instead just left a streak of blood over the bottle and the pills, before smiling, he collapsed into his comforter, smooching the pillows into a comfortable position and, with his limbs feeling droopy, drifted into unconsciousness, just like he wanted it to be.