Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction


By Kraven Ergeist

Chapter One

If you asked me today, I couldn't have told you how I'd gotten mixed up with Haruhi Suzumiya. One minute, she showed up in my life, and the next minute, I was attending some insane club (against my will) that she had formed to track down supernatural beings that didn't exist.

Or so I thought.

Little did I know that centered around Haruhi were not one, not two, but three individuals, each exhibiting characteristics typical of supernatural beings, which, if you'll excuse the oxymoron, broke down like this:

Koizumi Itsuki, ESPer - capable of enormous telekinetic ability every other week, and only in certain spots. Asahina Mikuru, time traveler - her age, time of origin, and duration of stay all classified information. And Nagato Yuki, alien - a life form so vastly different from humanity that the term biology literally doesn't apply to her.

And Haruhi still has no knowledge of their existence, at least, as supernatural beings. And according to their combined theories concerning Haruhi which I have yet to fully accept, if I enjoy life in the natural world at all, I'd better hope it stays that way.

This is harder than you might think - because at any time, Haruhi might just randomly will something unexpected into existence just to appease her boredom. And then, she could just as easily lose interest, and leave the unnatural occurrence as is. Ah, the joys of babysitting a cosmically volatile teenager. Even with an alien, a time traveler, and an ESPer, we have a hard time containing the messes she inadvertently makes sometimes. And what's worse is that stopping the events from occurring is both impossible and a bad idea, as appeasing Haruhi comes before containing the actual messes she makes. Because according to the combined consensus of our club's three supernatural beings, should Haruhi ever come to disappointment, the world could end.

I know. I'm having a hard time believing it too.

Want to know what's even harder to swallow? The fact that I, an unassuming, everyday, average, and in every way normal human teenage boy from Japan, might somehow hold more sway over Haruhi than Koizumi, Mikuru and Yuki combined.

Yeah, that's where I draw the line.

Haruhi's hyperactive personality hasn't precisely been helping us with our job either. The number of times I've wanted to just tell Haruhi the truth so she could just contain the activity herself…

But no, that's dangerous too. If she were to learn about what she was capable of, there are a number of things most likely to occur. One, she freaks out, and as a result, destroys the universe. Two, she lets the power get to her head, and she sets out to dominate the world, in the process, destroying the universe. Three, she gets bored and lets the world go to pot, destroying the universe. Or four, without a guarantee that she can even manipulate it consciously at will, destroys the universe while trying to figure it out.

The overlying result in all four situations is pretty obvious.

There is a bit of silver lining to all this. Haruhi's not an unattractive young woman. Neither is Yuki. And Mikuru…well, let's just say that someone with her level of innocence should not simultaneously be endowed her level of assets.

Koizumi is also pretty interesting to talk to. Mikuru serves green tea during club, which is nice. And whenever Haruhi gets an idea to dress her up a bunny girl outfit or a nurse's outfit or a maid's outfit, I usually manage to confiscate whatever footage gets taken.

Strictly for matters of propriety, of course.

Though a very shameful little voice at the back of my mind keeps wondering why Yuki never gets asked to dress up.

I stole a glance at her. She was sitting in her usually spot by the window, reading a book. When I said the term biology doesn't apply to her, I wasn't kidding. Apparently, the idea of little green aliens was a tad shy of the margin. Yuki comes from a race that isn't even carbon based. I'm not even sure they're made up of actual matter. Her physical form that we could all see is just a farce I'm told. Her actual makeup is something composed entirely of data.

So I'm told.

Don't ask me how data can create a life form with no medium. Maybe there is a medium, I don't know. She told me it would be impossible to explain, and I believe her. Why? Because I've seen her manipulate the data of the world around us to make impossible things happen. Like making a baseball bat that homes in on the ball. Or creating spatial rifts that open up alternate dimensions in reality.

The point is she does some weird stuff.

So, why is it that she's so incapable of some of the most basic human things? She reads through books like TV shows, and she never puts her book down, save for monitoring Haruhi during moments of instability. But she refuses to make regular conversation, and apart from serving tea when I visited her apartment, she exhibits almost none of the behaviors expected of normal humans.

Obviously, she's not human. But there had been a second data entity hidden among the students who acted much more human than Nagato. Asakura Ryoko. She'd been our class rep, for crying out loud. She was so vastly different from Yuki, I still had trouble believing they were the same underneath. She would approach people! She would initiate conversations. She made facial expressions!

Of course, she'd also tried to kill me. So, maybe it was a good thing that Yuki wasn't like Asakura.

"Nagato…" I said, trying to put an end of the silence. Koizumi and Mikuru had yet to arrive, and I was worried about what Haruhi would do to me once she saw me alone. Probably swindle me into doing another one of her impossibly strenuous errands.

Yuki, however, remained motionless.

"I don't think Koizumi and Mikuru are coming."

Yuki didn't so much as look up. "I see."

I searched for the right words. "Umm…I was thinking…do we really have to monitor Haruhi twenty-four/seven?"

She turned a page. "No, but regular interaction would be best."

I bit my lip. What was I getting at here?

"Why don't we take the day off?"

Yuki didn't react.

"Haruhi will be fine, don't worry," I tried to reassure her. "She could probably use some time to blow off some steam after our last little episode. Some down time would do her some good. And to be honest, I really could use some as well."

Yuki blinked. "I see. Then leave."

My throat was dry.

"Uh…what I mean is…why don't you and I both take the day off?"

This time Yuki looked up.

I was frozen as she stared at me. For a data being who could breeze through books, speak a few thousand sentences within the space of a second, and type on a keyboard faster than the speed of thought, she was certainly taking her time analyzing me at that moment.

"You wish for me to depart this establishment with you?"

Finally she spoke!

"Yeah," I nod, hoping I hadn't been misunderstood. Right when you thought that Nagato knew what was going on, she could do the most peculiar things. Like trying to move a laser mouse on an invisible vertical surface. Or-

"Very well."

I blinked. "Um…ok. You want to go now? Before Haruhi shows up."

Nagato closed her book. "Yes."

Without further ado, she got to her feet.

Curious. She hadn't misinterpreted what I'd said and tried jumping out the window or something. Maybe Yuki was slowly learning how to blend in better. She still clearly had a long way to go, but I was surprised at how well she'd been adapting to human life, all things considered. For a being composed entirely of data to both create a human form and live as a human convincingly as she had been doing, well…I'm still not sure how it worked, but it was definitely impressive.

"So…" I broke the silence yet again – something I was getting used to doing around Yuki. "Where do you want to go?"

Her yellow eyes seemed to flicker. "Are we not each going to our homes?"

I closed my eyes. So much for not misinterpreting.

"I was kind of hoping that you and I could go somewhere together. Like…" I thought back. What places had Yuki enjoyed? "…Like the library or something."

Yuki took her usual second and a half to contemplate.

"I see."

Was that a yes or a no? Hell if I knew. Just head to the library and see if she follows you. With Yuki, actions truly spoke louder than words.

We eventually made it to the library, and Yuki was still following me. So far so good. I watched her practically drift like a leaf on the wind. Well, she'd be satisfied for as many hours as you liked. I went around, browsing a few books, before losing interest and following Nagato, seeing what she tended towards.

I could detect no rhyme or reason to the subjects she tended towards. She would pick up classic literature, cookbooks, self-help, reference books, anything. She would read a few lines of text, then put the book down and look for a new one. Following her around like this was hardly a sound method of determining Yuki's interests. But then, for a girl who very makeup was by nature not human, perhaps she didn't have a "preference" as we understood the word.

One way to find out.

"So, Yuki…" I said, looking over her shoulder. The book she was reading through was titled "Studies in clinical psychology – an in depth review of the human mind." She was focused on a chapter concerning the limbic system from the looks of it. Don't ask me what that was. "Do you like psychology?"

Yuki just barely nodded. Had I not been attuned to her subtle movements, I would have missed it.

"Umm…" Yuki was a character of precise wording, so I had to choose my words carefully. "What is your most preferred type of book?"

Yuki continued reading. "None."

I blinked. Ok, she obviously liked reading, so that probably meant that she didn't have a favorite, and just read any book indiscriminately.

"So…" I paused. "Why do are you constantly reading, anyway?"

For this, Yuki didn't hesitate.

"My existence is based around information, so I absorb as much information as possible."

I shrug. "Well, wouldn't it be faster to connect to the Internet?"

Yuki paused. "Yes."

I shrugged. She wouldn't elaborate unless I spoke.

"So, why don't you do that instead?"

"In order to do so, I need to discorporate from my body," she said. "That would hinder my disguise."

I nodded. That had been the most she'd spoken all day.

I fell silent, and Yuki went roaming again to find another book to fill her ever-burning need for information. What she hoped to get out of all this reading, I'll never know.

"Nagato…" my stomach growled. "I'm gonna go get something to eat. You want anything?"


I frowned. "You do eat, don't you?"

"This body requires minimal sustenance."

Ah. She only needed to eat in small quantities because she did so little to expend energy. I was getting better at interpreting what she said.

"Well, would you mind coming with me?" I said. I decided to elaborate. "I hate to eat alone."

This was a test, though I doubt she could tell. How strong was this need for information? Technically, my desires weren't a fraction as important as Haruhi's, which she would answer at a moments call. Now it was just a matter of choice. Would she abandon her books, even temporarily, to see to that I was satisfied as well?

She put her book back on the shelf. "Very well."

I smiled. I was making progress.

We sat down at a cyber café near the library. I ordered a pastry and waited for Yuki to notice that we had access to the Internet.

"So…you discorporate when you access the Internet?" I asked. "Can't you just do it the way normal humans do?"

I emphasized my point by sitting down at one of the computers and accessing the Internet.

"That is an obsolete method."

I stared at her.

"And reading books isn't?"

"This body must remain portable," she explained. "That method of access to the Internet is not portable. Books are."

"Well, we're not going anywhere now," I sighed. "And as obsolete as it is, it's got to be faster than reading, even at your speed."

She conceded the point by sitting down at the computer next to mine, and typing at the ungodly speed she did, went to site after site of the most random gobbledygook.

"Forgive me for asking," I mentioned, as I looked over the nature of the content she was browsing. "But is that…relevant information?"

Yuki's eyes remained fixed on the screen.

"Relevance is not an issue. What's important is absorption. Relevance can be determined later."

I groaned. "That's a pretty roundabout method. Wouldn't it be more efficient to actively pursue relevant information?"

Yuki remained silent for a few moments. "I have no way of determining what is relevant information by human standards."

Ah. So the truth comes out.

"Could you use a human's input?"

Yuki's progression paused as she looked at me.


Great. What had I gotten myself into? Where was I supposed to even start?

"Alright…" I stuttered. This could take all day! "What do you need, exactly? What do you define as relevance?"

"Information regarding humanity," Yuki said simply. "I need to perfect my guise."

There was the understatement of the year.

"So, basically, you're trying to appear more human?"


I sighed. "Then why aren't you observing other humans? You should try basing your actions off of what you see from a reasonable human subject."

"Such as?"

"Well…" I thought. "Let's start with myself. You can switch role models as need be, but for now…"

"Very well."

She sat still for some time, and I let out a sigh.

She did the same.

I blinked, and she blinked.

I cleared my throat, and she continued to imitate my actions

I groaned. "Nagato, you don't need to mimic my every movement. I meant use me as a template for comparing your own behavior to."

"I am."

"Look," I sighed, trying to level with her. "I know that you're capable of perfectly replicating my every move, but in a human sense, basing your actions off of somebody means watching for a certain set of actions, and then trying them yourself."

Yuki nodded. "I see."

I groaned. I'd better check if she really did see.

"Here," I got to my feet, digging into my pocket. I offered her a handful of change as she stood up.

"Now, stay here and watch me…"

I went over to the counter of the cafeteria, and ordered a small drink. I paid the cashier and took my drink back to Yuki, who had surprisingly listened to what I'd said and waited for me.

"Now, do what I did," I explained. "Take the money I gave you, order the exact same thing that I ordered, and pay the same amount I did, using the words I used. If you can, try using the same tone that I used as well."

Yuki paused for a while. It was probably a lot to take in.

Finally, "Understood."

I watched her step up to the counter, and then, speaking with my voice, ordered the same drink I did.

Speaking with exactly my voice. She'd changed her voice to sound like mine.

God, why had I mentioned tone?

"Nagato," I groaned. Though in all respects, she had completed the task, the cashier was still fixing her with an odd stare. "When I said tone, I meant as in manner, not as in pitch!"

Yuki looked strangely at me. "Then say manner."

I sighed. "Honestly, Nagato! How had Asakura managed to act so profoundly normal?"

"She has been among humans for a longer amount of time."

I sighed. Of course.

"Do you wish to leave?"

I looked up.

The look on her face hadn't changed. Her expression showed nothing, her disposition gave nothing away. Nothing about the way she'd said what she'd said was in any way emotive enough to convey the feeling that arose when I heard her say it.

She thought that I was disappointed with her.

I smiled. "Not yet. I told you I'd help you learn how to be more human, didn't I? And you're far from done."

Once again, her expression didn't change. But I could swear I felt happiness in the words that came out next.


The rest of the afternoon was spent going over little details about being human. It was hard to do because she wouldn't tell me what she needed to know. I pretty much had to pick and choose.

"Now, why don't we work on expressions?"

Yuki blinked. "Expressions?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "See, human beings react differently to situations depending on their moods. When you're happy, you smile…" to illustrate my point, I pointed to my mouth, smiling. "…When you're angry, you frown…" again with the pointing "…and when you're sad, you cry…sorry, that's hard to unless I'm actually sad. You know what crying is, right?"

Yuki nodded. "How do I recognize when I am happy, angry, or sad?"

I groaned. "You feel things, don't you? You feel emotions inside, right?"

Yuki shrugged.

I sighed again. "Ok…um…how about physical sensations? If you stub your toe, you feel pain, right?"

Yuki nodded. "Yes."

"Well, when humans feel pain, they make an expression," I explained. "Watch…"

I pinched my arm, and I winced.

"Did you see my face? I made an expression."

Yuki nodded. "I see."

I shrugged. "Well, why don't you show me?"

Yuki nodded. "Alright."

A pause.

I groaned. "Look, I'm not going to pinch you myself. You do it."

Yuki responded by pinching her arm like I did. She reacted to the feeling by closing her eyes.

There it was! A slight tension of her eyebrows! That counted…right?

Right, and I was grasping at straws.


I blinked. "Huh?"

"That expression coincides with the reaction natural to this body," Yuki said.

I blinked again. "Huh?"

"I had been suppressing the physical reactions this body had been making to various physical stimuli. It had not occurred to me that such action would contribute to natural human behavior."

I blinked. For a third time. "…So…?"

Yuki stared back hard at me. I could tell she wanted to know more.

"What other physical reactions must I emulate?"

I blinked. She was actually learning!

"Well…try smiling at something that makes you happy."

"Such as?"

I blinked. What could she use in this situation?

"Umm…" I pointed at her drink. "Take a sip of that. Tell me if you like it."

She did. And then nodded.

"Well…" I held my arms out. "If you enjoy it, then smile."

Yuki paused. Then the corners of her mouth rose ever so slightly.

It was reward enough for the whole day.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Yuki seemed never to tire of my instruction. I went through expression after expression. Finally, when the sun went down and we had to part ways.

The next day after class, she actually sought me out before I even made it to the clubroom.

"Nagato…" I blinked. "What is it?"

She paused.

"Do you…want to take another day off?"

She nodded.

I sighed. Maybe I'd bitten off more than I could chew.

We went to the park. Yuki had brought a book by Aristotle with her that contained a list of particular emotions.

Acceptance, agitation, alarm, amusement, anger, angst, annoyance, anticipation, apprehension, apathy, awe, bitterness, boredom, calmness, comfort, contentment, confidence, courage, depression, disappointment, discontentment, disgust, desire, delight, elation, embarrassment, ennui, envy, ecstasy, fear, friendship, frustration, glee, gladness, gratitude, grief, guilt, hate, happiness, homesickness, honor, hope, horror, humility, impatience, irritability, joy, jealousy, kindness, loneliness, love, lust, limerence, modesty, nervousness, negativity, nostalgia, pain, patience, peace, phobia, pity, pride, rage, regret, remorse, resentment, sadness, schadenfreude, self-pity, shame, shyness, sorrow, shock, suffering, surprise, suspense, terror, unhappiness, vulnerability, and worry.

And Yuki wanted to experience them all.


I couldn't even imagine Nagato expressing half of those! I mean…Yuki exhibiting schadenfreude? I could see that in Haruhi, maybe, but Yuki? Sometimes it was easy to forget she was an alien. And sometimes it was brutally obvious.

"I don't think I even recognize some of those!" I gaped. "What the heck is ennui?"

Yuki opened her book. "A feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction arising from lack of interest; boredom."

I groaned. I'm pretty sure boredom was already on the list. Perfect. So we also had synonyms to deal with.

"And…" what was that other one? "What in the world is limerence?"

"An involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person."


"And how am I supposed to make you feel limerence?"

"That, I believe, is what you yourself offered to do yesterday."

I what!?

"I'm sorry?"

"Yesterday," Yuki said. "You endeavored to aid me in the task of becoming more human."

Ah. She was being general.

"Well, I don't think there's any way for me to make you feel limerence."

"Why not?" she asked. "Is it not within your capability to do so?"

"Umm…" this was a rather uncomfortable topic. "How do I put this? It's more like…I wouldn't know what to do."

Yuki nodded. "I see…"

She then began to rummage through her bag, before removing a book and handing it to me.

I blinked. "Is this a shoujo manga?"

Yuki nodded.

I sighed. "You can't base your opinions on humanity based off a manga!"

She shook her head. "This is not for me. It is for you."

I blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"You said that you wouldn't know what to do," Yuki explained. "Perhaps by reading this, you will have gained the necessary information."

I sighed. "That's not going to help, Nagato. I know what to do, I've just…" I looked away. Why was I embarrassed to tell her I'd never had a girlfriend in my life? "…I've just never done it before."

She nodded. "I see."

That was all the warning I got.

"Naga-!" I yelped, before she pressed her lips to mine.

I just froze. I was pinned to the back of the park bench. What was she doing!? Why was she doing this!? She obviously thought this was what I'd meant when I said I'd never done it before. In fact, I had kissed Haruhi before. We were trapped in negative space, and I had sort of been desperate to snap her out of her reverie. But it had been kind of nice. But did that mean that we were together? Certainly she didn't seem to think so. She still treated me like her slave.

But Nagato…

It's not that I didn't want to go out with Haruhi, but she was just too kooky! I wouldn't have minded going out Mikuru, but that was off limits because of the time differential.

So, wasn't I also forbidden from being romantic with an alien?

Evidently not.

"Nagato…" I broke the contact, gasping for breath. I was sure my face was red. "What are you doing!?"

She just stared back at me, her eyes wide. "A kiss."

I just groaned. "Well, obviously you just kissed me! But why!?"

Yuki touched her lips, a strange look in her eyes. "To experience a physical reaction."

Well, she definitely got a physical reaction out of me!

"Well…just ask next time!" I groaned, my face still red. Have I mentioned that Nagato was not unattractive? Not unattractive at all, if you ask me. In fact, in all truth, she was actually…

"Understood," she said. "Then may I kiss you again?"

…Kinda cute.

"S-sure…" I said, nervously, feeling like I was taking advantage of the situation.

When she pressed her lips to mine a second time, I began to wonder who was taking advantage of whom.

The realization that she was basing this act off the reading of shoujo manga did little to comfort me. Neither did the fact that she wasn't actually human. But at the moment, I just didn't care. Nagato was an adorable girl, and despite our differences, her quirks, her bizarre personality, I liked her. If she wanted me to help her become more human, than damn it, I'd help her. And if she wished to explore these emotions with me…

The thought died as Yuki promptly passed out.

"Nagato!" I gasped, catching her before she fell off the bench. "Hey, Nagato! What's wrong!"

When I realized she was unconscious, I began to panic.

"Nagato! Wake up! Nagato! NAGATO!"

If you asked me today, I couldn't have told you how I'd gotten mixed up with Nagato Yuki. One minute, she showed up in my life, and the next minute, I was kissing her like we were a couple, before watching her pass out before my eyes.

I held her in my arms as I took out my phone, scanning through my address book for Koizumi's number.

There had to be something I could do!



A/N: Ok, if you've seen Star Trek Generations, then you'll love this. If not, well…enjoy anyway.

Kyon and Yuki sat in the clubroom as Mikuru prepared her usual green tea. She poured Kyon's cup, and he sipped the tea eagerly. She poured Yuki's cup, and she took a sip without so much as looking up form her book.

When she did, however, she took a sharp intake of breath.

Kyon looked up. "Yuki? What's wrong?"

Yuki blinked. "I believe this beverage has produced an emotional response."

Kyon looked startled. "Really? What are you feeling?"

Yuki hesitated, analyzing the drink. "I am uncertain. Because I have had little experience with emotion, and unable to…articulate the sensation…"

Mikuru just looked confused. "E…Emotion?"

Kyon offered her a sympathetic look. "I'll explain later."

Yuki took another sip and pursed her lips. "Oh…"

Mikuru blinked. "Umm…it…kind of looks like she hates it…"

Yuki drew in her breath again. "Yes…that is it…" Giving the cup a good hard stare, she mouthed the words herself. "I hate this…"

Kyon found himself smiling. "Yuki…you're doing it…"

Yuki took another sip, pursing her lips again. "Oh…yes…I hate this…it is revolting…"

Mikuru just held up the teapot, meekly. "M…more?"

Yuki held out her cup. "Please."


A/N: Well, here's my first Haruhi fic. And if my preference for Shinji x Rei was any indication, this pairing should be no surprise. Expect something of a plot to emerge in the next chapter.

Read and review!