Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction


By Kraven Ergeist


I sighed, closing down the "Day of Sagittarius III" game software. They say humility is the key to enlightenment, but after losing this much to Nagato Yuki, I should be the next incarnation of the Dalai Lama. She claimed she was only operating at fifty percent capacity, but that was still probably fifty times the speed I was able to function at.

It was just a game, I knew, but Yuki enjoyed playing it, so I sucked it up, and took my losses like the fool I was.

Yuki nodded to me from across the table, stationed at her own laptop (one of four that Haruhi pilfered from the Computer Club not so long ago).

"You are finished playing?"

I tried not to sound like a sore loser. "A guy can only take so many losses at once. You need to give me some time to catch my breath."

Yuki nodded. "I see. Perhaps we should play a game in which the odds are more in your favor."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't think there's a game like that anywhere in this world. Any game can be broken down into a set of rules, and you can instantly follow that set of rules down to the letter."

Yuki nodded. "Correct."

"Even games like Jan-Ken or Dare-Da are in your favor," I went on. "You can analyze voice patterns and accurately predict my hand gestures, and win every time."

I could swear I heard something akin to mischievousness in Yuki's voice. "I see."

I groaned and got up out of my chair and sat at the chair by the main computer and fiddled around. Yuki settled into her usual seat, flipping open her current book – it seemed she was still plowing through Aristotle's book on emotions.

"Hey Yuki," I said, drawing her eyes from her book. "Do you know what mythos are?"

"An underlying system of beliefs, especially those dealing with supernatural forces, characteristic of a particular cultural group."

I sighed. Right out of the dictionary.

"It's cultural heritage," I explained. "Myths, legends and stories passed down from one generation to the next. It's what makes a certain group or civilization stand out."

"I see," Yuki said, going back to her book.

I cleared my throat, trying to get her attention again. "I just thought it was ironic that Haruhi's so fascinated by strange and mysterious beings, but she's specifically focus on such archetypical things like aliens, time travelers, and ESPers. I mean, every culture on Earth has some kind of legend or story about things like that. So even if they're mysterious or strange, they're still fundamentally human."

"I see."

"You're really not interested, are you?" I rolled my eyes. I had been up thinking about it all night!

"It's an interesting conundrum."

That did it. I got up out of the commander's seat and stepped up to her. Yuki stared up at me with a puzzled expression, before I snatched the book right out of her hands, placed it on the windowsill, and leaned in to kiss her.

All she did in response was tilt her head back.

Call me shameful, but I felt entitled to some amount of attention, and besides – she just looked so adorable sitting there with her nose in her book.

I stood back up and smiled down at her. She in return fixed me with her usual quizzical look.

"What was that for?"

I just laughed as I returned to the commander's chair. "Oh…no reason…"

She paused for a moment, before getting up and grabbing her book.

"You already succeeded in demonstrating limerance."

My heart sank for a brief moment. "So…does that mean you don't want to kiss anymore?"

"There are still plenty of emotions left to experiment, and quite a few that involve kissing."

I smiled. "Okay…what did you have in mind?"

Yuki just blinked twice. Then she pulled something I would have never expected her to try. She walked up to me and pushed my chair back on its rear legs, balancing it on the back wall. My arms flailed as my center of gravity shifted, and automatically grabbed her shoulders to stabilize myself.

"Yuki!" I shouted, panicked. What the hell was she doing!?

She pushed me against the back of the seat and raised her right leg swung it over my body, briefly flashing her panties, before settling her weight right over my waist!

"Desire caught my attention…"

My jaw dropped. I couldn't help myself from reacting to the pressure of her body against my nether area. In a million years, I could never have predicted Yuki doing this! God, if you're up there, I have but one wish – please, under no circumstances, allow anyone to walk in-


Mikuru, Koizumi and Haruhi stood at the doorway, staring aghast.

And that right there is proof that god hates me.