AN: Ahh, stupid things I write when I'm bored. Stay tuned for part two. You may understand the pun of the title after finishing this chapter. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine. Review please!
This goes to animeneko311 as the first reviewer of my other story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own Star Wars. I don't own a lot of things, money being one, as none will be given to me for this.
The Greatest Prank In Hogwarts History
Harry Potter was having an extremely bad day. Not just any bad day, a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. This event in itself was an extremely rare occurrence because ever since he had defeated Voldemort, the summer before his seventh year, his life had been smooth sailing.
"Here, save the world, you'll win incredible luck for two whole months," he muttered in a cheesy announcer's voice.
Three separate things had troubled him today. First, his alarm failed to go off. Not only did this cause him miss breakfast, he was late to potions class costing Gryffindor twenty house points and a detention that night with the school's meanest teacher as well. Then he accidentally managed to insult the young new Defense professor when he automatically corrected her wand movement.
Then to rub salt in his wounds, on his way to detention he happened upon Ginny Weasley, the love of his life, snogging her boyfriend, Dean Thomas, like his tongue was the best sweet in the world and she was determined to get all of it herself.
Harry had developed a crush on her last year as his two best friends seemed to get more and more "Prefect Duties" as the school year progressed. They had dated briefly and were very happy together. Then in a fit of stupidity, he had broken things off with her "for her own safety". He had watched helplessly as Dean had moved in and consoled her while he was actively working to destroy Voldemort.
In the final battle, he had been lying there half-dead, when she appeared above him; it had been like seeing an angel. She had saved his life on that battlefield with her Healing knowledge. He had been in love with her ever since.
His friends were not much help. They were too busy snogging each other to help out poor Harry with his love problems. Both knew of his feelings for the younger redhead and had completely different reactions. Ron practically danced a jig, a very alarming one at that, when Harry said he was in love with Ginny. This was followed by an immediate offer to break up Dean and Ginny.
"Give me two minutes alone with him and Dean and Ginny will break up like shattered glass. You, Harry, have been the only one brave, or stupid, enough to face the wrath of the Weasley brothers. Dean will melt like butter!"
Hermione had smiled at the proclamation in a superior manner. She elbowed Ron for his statement and told him quite firmly that he would not mess with his sister's relationship.
"Well," she stated huffily, "this is your own fault for breaking up with her in the first place. You shouldn't have let her go. I knew this would happen!" She had quickly gathered her books and dragged Ron to the library to study.
Harry was flabbergasted at his friend's words. Had she no sympathy for his lonesome self? He was however, smart enough to know that there was some truth to her statements so he didn't take it personally. He was amazed that Hermione knew him better that he knew himself. But then again, he figured, they had known each other for almost seven years.
He absentmindedly began counting the stairs on his way up one of the staircases. On this particular staircase, the prime numbered steps on this staircase were all trick ones. It made the first three steps very difficult. Harry was halfway up the staircase when it began to move. He sighed in annoyance. In his momentary lapse of concentration, he lost count of his stairs and slipped over stair number twenty-nine. He cursed aloud and pulled himself back to his feet to examine the new route he would have to take.
His new path would add an extra ten minutes of walking because he had to go down two flights of stairs in order to go up three sets. This was unless you wanted to brave the staircase that was one way only. Depending on its mood, they could go up only or down only. Sometimes the blasted thing would change directions halfway through and you would be forced to go the opposite way.
He let out a frustrated sigh as he continued to walk back to Gryffindor Tower. He was in desperate need of something to alleviate his boredom and elevate his spirits. His day had ruined his good spirits. For that matter, Malfoy had been getting rather annoying lately. He stopped his journey as the thought hit him; it was time for another prank at Hogwarts.
The lone occupant of Gryffindor Tower Common Room threw himself down onto an armchair in front of the glowing fire and promptly made himself comfortable. With a wave of his hand, he conjured up a quill and some parchment to plan his new prank.
Despite what other might have thought, he spent a lot of time carefully constructing his pranks. He went to great lengths to ensure that he didn't target any one person or house. He was not afraid to put himself under the same pranks that he inflicted on everyone else. He played one prank a month, each a work of genius.
He stared into the soft glow of the flames and tried, desperately, to come up with an idea. After many minutes of no creative thinking, he created a list of all the pranks he had done.
Looked up the charms for the one-way staircases and applied them to all of the stairs so whenever a teacher got on, they would change directions.
This had earned all of the students a free day of no classes. The professors had been furious. They had spent hours attempting to crack the array of spells that he had placed on them. To add insult to injury, the spells had completely faded after the last class was set to end. Even Dumbledore had been unable to reverse that one, though he hadn't tried that hard. That prank was still talked about with reverence.
Spiked food with truth potions compelling individuals to give people from other houses compliments.
He had seen two Ravenclaw second-years tormenting a Hufflepuff first-year and decided the house rivalries had to stop. The prank had gone a long way to restoring friendly ties between the houses.
Among the most notable had been Draco Malfoy walking up to Hermione and telling her that he admired her intelligence. His face had turned a color of puce that Harry had only seen on Uncle Vernon, before the potion reasserted itself. He had then turned to Ashley Knight, a muggleborn, 5th year, Hufflepuff, and told her quite firmly that she was the prettiest girl in Hogwarts. His face turned bright red at the protesting shrieks that came from Pansy.
Filled the loo with reproducing sensitive balloons.
He had filled all of the boys' restrooms with supersensitive party balloons. They were so packed that none of the boys could enter the room without touching at least two balloons at any given time. The sensitive objects would then burst at the slightest touch causing booming explosions. He had modified it so that the younger years wouldn't get so frightened by keying it to the amount of magic in the person touching the balloon. Boys below third year had quickly taken advantage of this and were throwing themselves at the mass of balloons repeatedly, only to bounce off harmlessly.
Millicent Bulstrode had been scared so bad that she had run out of the loo crying uncontrollably. She had then refused to answer questions of why she had been in a boy's loo at all.
She had accidentally held the loo door open for too long when she had left and one of the balloons had escaped. It had reproduced furiously until Professor Dumbledore had been called to disperse them.
Among the most notable events of the day was Hermione furiously attempting to study the reproduction of the balloons.
"It has to be some sort of mitosis," she could be seen to have been saying as she prodded a balloon. Ron, completely unable to understand his girlfriend's fascination with them, made a smart remark about what she liked to watch in her spare time. The result was a slow speed banishing curse at the balloons toward Ron. He claimed her had never run so far in his life.
Charmed all female hair purple and long.
This had been one of his most hilarious pranks. It was relatively harmless but the Hogwarts's female population were all secretly vain about their hair. The activation charms were placed on the entrance way to the Great Hall to effect the most victims.
The color was bright enough to be distracting and he had also charmed the females so that their hair was now trailing on the ground behind them; it also resisted being cut. Professor Hooch had tripped over her floor length hair all the way up the isles in her haste to reach her seat.
There had been one person that appeared not to be bothered by this startling change at all; Luna Lovegood seemed positively delighted.
"Bright purple is what attracts the wide eyed blue ballywags!" she had exclaimed excitedly while petting the long purple mass that hung over her shoulder. Oddly enough, this didn't serve to make anyone feel better.
There was a lot more complaints about the hair at dinner when the girls had to carry their long hair to avoid it trailing in the muddy puddles that were a result of the afternoon thunderstorm.
Done Star Wars at Hogwarts.
It had taken several weeks of serious researching to find out all of the needed charms, spells, and potions for this prank. Hermione had been delighted to see him in the library so much. In the end, all of the male students woke up in Jedi or Storm Trooper outfits. They came complete with light sabers. The females had arisen to find themselves in outfits that looked like one of the female stars of the movie.
The teachers had been the hardest to do. They looked like Jedi Masters with the exception of two people. Professor Flitwick had been spelled to look and talk like Yoda, and Professor Snape looked like Darth Vader. Harry was not surprised at how easy it was to turn Professor Snape into a suitable Darth Vader.
Many students had taken it upon themselves to settle their rivalries by battling it out with their light sabers. Others merely tormented Filch, charmed to be C3PO, or Ms. Norris, who looked like R2-D2.
The professors had been dismayed to find the students were more interested in their costumes, than in learning. The Deputy Headmistress had made an executive decision and cancelled all classes for a tournament in the Great Hall. A pretty Asian Ravenclaw named Su Li won the tournament winning fifty points for Ravenclaw.
The list continued on for several pages. He studied it in consternation. A good prankster never repeats their tricks.
He gazed fondly around the common room as he thought. He was going to miss the place when he left. His eyes trailed over the inviting fireplace and over to the corner of the room that Dean had jokingly informed him was called Trio-land. He could make out Ron's half played chess set and a set of exploding snap cards. The small table in the corner was reserved for all of Hermione's books, and there was quite an impressive stack.
Without looking, he knew what the top book was. It was well over two thousand pages of yellowing parchments, filled to the brim with facts. He grinned a truly evil smile as an idea came to him. With a slightly evil laugh, fueled by an extreme lack of sleep, he set to work.
It had been two months since he had begun to design the prank, two months of carefully laid plans. The potions had been carefully made, the charms carefully keyed to their recipients, the hexes diligently applied to prevent interference. It was ready!
Part of his plan was to skip his monthly prank the month before. To think, a prank with so little time involved could have produced the most widespread effects. The members of Hogwarts had become increasingly tense as time progressed. Faculty members were seen peeking around corners anxiously before walking them. Some of the upper year students had taken to attempting to de-curse their food.
This of course had some interesting side effects, as their food wasn't cursed in the first place. This method usually resulted in the food exploding violently. There was also a minor House Elf rebellion after the elves became convinced that the students no longer liked their food. Fortunately, the Headmaster placed a bulk order for apple pie for that night's dinner, which quickly pacified the distraught House Elves.
The Hogwarts population gradually shifted to the belief that the prankster had given up and were content to drop their guards. Harry was surprised that they clung to this idea. If they looked harder, it was easy to spot the signs of preparation. Everywhere, books were popping up but the naive students chose to ignore the signs.
With a gleeful sigh, he clapped Ron on the shoulder and kissed Hermione's cheek before heading up to bed.
Ron Weasley was not as dense as everyone thought he was, including his female best friend. He knew something was about to happen. His best friend rarely acted that cheerful. He tried to figure out what the reason was in vain. He could feel a budding feeling in the back of his mind that he was forgetting something. He quickly checked to make sure he had all of his homework stuffed into their respective books. With a dismissive shrug, he continued on his way to breakfast.
Parvati Patil knew she was forgetting something. It had started this morning, and then bloomed into a full feeling that she was forgetting something. She had already checked herself for all of the proper makeup several times. After all, once in fifth year she had forgotten to put on her blemish concealing charm and had nearly died of embarrassment when Lavender pointed it out. She did a mental checklist of all the gossip she was supposed to know. She sighed in frustration and hoped the answer would come to her.
Dean Thomas was slowly becoming a nervous wreck. His friend was no help either, as he seemed preoccupied with something. When he had awoken this morning, he instantly knew he was forgetting something. He didn't know what it was, but it was something. He cursed angrily under his breath.
Ginny Weasley wasn't happy. She had dealt with the nagging feeling that she was forgetting something all day. She did know that her boyfriend was forgetting something very important. Today was their six-month anniversary and he appeared to be completely oblivious. It was making her very angry. They needed to have a discussion about the way the relation was progressing as soon as possible.
Minerva McGonagall was very worried. Today, all of her Gryffindor students appeared to be highly distracted. None of the other houses were experiencing this problem. Even Hermione Granger could be seen fingering her copy of Hogwarts: A History. Minerva had been surprised to find her favorite student acting in such a way. She needed to find out what was wrong with her children.
The Gryffindor common room was unusually quiet as many students tried desperately to figure out what they were forgetting. The only sound that could be heard was the crackling of the fire and the sound of Hermione turning the pages of her favorite book. A couple minutes later, Harry Potter strolled into the room, picked up a copy of a nearby book and started to read.
Students looked on in horror as more and more of their comrades began to read. Eventually, the nagging feeling in the back of their consciousness won out. Eventually, all of the students were reading the books that they had ignored for close to a month. All of the students were reading furiously, happy that the feeling had begun to lessen. Pages flew by at a rate unnoticed by the students.
The peaceful atmosphere was suddenly interrupted as the portrait door swung open. Professor McGonagall stepped regally into the room and surveyed the members of her house. The students were all reading. While she was certainly not against studying, this book had very little common value. She cleared her throat absently before speaking.
"The Fat Lady said that no one has left the room since dinner. She also said that it has been unnaturally quiet. Why?" she pursed her lips in annoyance as no answer seemed forthcoming.
"Professor, did you know that the Fat Lady's name is Lady Catherine Marie Pricilla Cooper?" came the voice of Hermione Granger. A room full of heads nodded at the comment.
"No, Ms Granger. I did not know that. My I inquire as to how all of you happen to know that?"
"That's simple!" Hermione said.
"It says so in Hogwarts: A History!" came the chorus of voices back at her. Almost as one, the students held up their books. Professor McGonagall took one look at the numerous copies of Hogwarts: A History, and fainted.
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