Disclaimer: Yah, I don't own the plot or the people/characters.
AN: THIS IS A TWOSHOT. Please read and review.
"– and that brings up goblin rebellions of the seventeenth century –" Professor Binns droned idly, waving motionlessly at the blackboard on the wall while continuing to drift awkwardly around the classroom, as though pacing.
Sirius could do anything in this class. He could send notes to James and talk conversationally. He could draw absentmindedly on a scrap of parchment. He could even chuck a dungbomb into the middle of the classroom, laughing loudly, and the wizened old teacher wouldn't even notice. If he was extremely bored he could finish his very-long Transfiguration essay to avoid skipping lunch to finish it.
But he was only doing one thing.
While it might seem to a waste of time to other people, Sirius was intently staring over at Remus and taking in every inch of his face and body, as though he was devouring it like he would never see it again.
Remus, of course, was scribbling away notes about Professor Binns' droning, occasionally looking up at their ghost-teacher before dipping his quill into ink again.
When the bell rang, Sirius' eyes slid back into focus and he carelessly shouldered his bag and headed out of the classroom.
"Did any of you catch which goblin brought the century bottomless cauldrons in the fourteenth century? It was something with an 'E' or 'A' I don't remember–"
"Remus," James said warily, stifling a yawn. "Think of who you're asking. Marauders do not listen during class."
Remus rolled his eyes before slumping down his black bag at the first seat in the Charms classroom. James, seeing this, rolled his eyes too and took a seat in the back of the class. Peter joined him, but Sirius took a seat right behind Remus. He had a nice view of Remus here, and nobody could accuse him of anything. Staring indolently into space during class could easily be explained away by the boringness of the class.
Which was easily boring enough anyway.
But instead of gazing at the back of Remus' head and studying his hair, he took out a spare parchment and started writing into whatever grazed his mind.
Words formed into a continuing letter as his quill blotted his paper with ink spots as he hastily and mindlessly wrote this, the words coming naturally into his fingers. It seemed as though he was itching to let all of this out as he wrote in hurried blue ink something that resembled a love-letter.
He was probably never going to send this out, but he didn't stop writing. Everything that he had meant to ever say was pouring out in this letter, and of course that was a very important thing to write, even to Sirius.
Dearest of all universal Moonies,
You will probably never see this. I have told myself multiple times that you know me best. You know what my favorite foods are on Christmas dinner. You know exactly what curse I'm going to fire when I want to hex Snape. You know exactly how my brain functions, so the studying notes that you write for me are always so easy to decipher. But it's funny how little you know about me. Well, you don't know this other side of me. Nobody does.
I'm not even sure if I know this part of me. It's all so confusing, I've never felt this before and I never knew I could. But the world seems so perfect and gracious when this side of me comes out. And this side of me comes out when I'm around you.
Oh, there I go. I'm being sappy and dramatic when all I really want to do is tell you about this wonderful and yet so horrible feeling inside of me.
I don't even know if I can describe it. And if I will be able to you probably won't be able to understand it. Then again, I don't know about that. You know me like I've never known you.
Well, here it goes.
My heart is absolutely shattered and I don't know how it happened. I probably egg it on daily when I talk to you and laugh with you. But my heart cannot break when it was never whole to start with, now can it?
Yes it can.
I could live my life with only you. Everyone can just get up and move away. Everything is still the same as long as you are there. But you probably may not feel the same. Let me just tell you that if you know how I feel that my death will not be a day of mourning.
And it feels like everyday nobody but you is there anymore. My heart is reunited and then when you leave it breaks again. And having my heart constantly being repaired is something that is causing everlasting damage. Everyday I feel so helpless and desperate that I would do almost anything. Like a child begging for candy or a broke man being offered money. That's how I feel everyday. Except I never get the thing I beg for. It's always taken away from me.
Do you know what it is? Yes, you probably do. If not, then let me tell you now. I love you, Remus Lupin. Yes, you. Yes, it's true. No, it's not a joke. No, I'm not drunk. And I'll tell you again, I love you, Moony. I love you I love you I love you. And more than you will ever know. Until now, I guess, if you're reading this.
You are selfless and strong and dedicated. You are determined and caring and so handsome. Honestly. It's all true. But the truth really hurts, you're so tempting. I have absolutely no excuses for never telling you, Moony. I was being so selfish and scared it's almost not funny, it's not me at all. And let me tell you, that nobody ever knew. Nobody needs to know, for me. It's between us, it was my secret and now it is yours too. Simply nobody but us needs to know. But just so you know, let me tell you how much I really do love you.
I will love you until the sun will set for good.
I will love you until everyone is gone.
I will love you no matter how tragic it is.
I will love you for as many sacrifices I have to make.
I will love you until the seasons end.
I will love you until my dying day.
It doesn't matter what will happen, you're the only one I would ever take a shot on and probably the only person I'll ever really have to beg for. You're the only one that's ever done this to me, you're the only who's ever broken me like this. And if you will never return my feelings, let me just tell you that the bond between you and I will never die. Please just remember those days when we laughed and talked. I will do the same until you one day will respond.
I've been chicken enough to not tell you that I love you for the past year, so I'm not going to be as chicken to sign this anonymous. No, I'll be blunt, Remus.
Your dearest and only Sirius Padfoot Black
He couldn't believe that he had written a love-letter. It was sappy and kind of cheap but all of it was true. And one day he'd find the guts to give it to Remus.
Two years had passed since Sirius had sat in that Charms classroom, writing that note. And not one day had passed when the back of Sirius' mind told him to give it to Remus.
It hid under his pillow day and night. When everything went wrong Sirius could lie in his bed and grab the letter for support. It seemed the only thing that actually made sense to Sirius. He still loved Remus. It had been three bloody years that Sirius loved Remus. He didn't want anybody to know. Nobody needs to know, to Sirius. And still he couldn't do anything.
Except he did.
The day before graduation Sirius slipped the note into his robes and went down the stairs, into the common room, and stared at the situation he had just put himself into.
On graduation, Sirius had a plan. It wasn't complex or sturdy, but Sirius liked it that way. He would simply give the note to Remus today and everything would be over. Yes. Just like that.
All of the holidays-at-Hogwarts Sirius had planned to celebrate with Remus were down the drain. Nothing was left to be celebrate, especially with Remus. In that way.
Graduation was over two hours later. With plenty of tears – most of them from Lily – they had slowly started filing out of the oak doors with the rest of students. But there was a finality for the seventh years. They weren't going back.
They had left the train in one hour.
"You'll write James, r-right?" Lily sobbed, brushing her tears away with her thumb.
"Of course I will, Lily." James said reassuringly. Lily smiled at him, and then turned to Peter.
"Oh, and you too, Peter." She said tearfully, giving him a small hug and then turning to Sirius and Remus. Sirius slipped the letter out of his pocket. The parchment touched Remus' hand.
"Sirius and Remus, you'll write too, right? You'll stay in touch?" She asked, interrupting Sirius' actions and hugging both of them at the same time.
"C'mon, Lily, we're not dying." James said irritably, yanking Lily away from the other two boys. Remus laughed slightly.
The five of them all walked in silence toward the barrier. The wizard guard at the barrier was letting in two people at a time not to make anything look suspicious. James took Lily's hand and dragged her through. Sirius yanked Remus to the side. It was now or never. Peter disappeared into the barrier. Damn, his heart was beating fast.
"Remus," Sirius muttered, stopping him shortly and placing two firm hands on his shoulders. His eyes looked in Remus' amber ones stonily. "Take this."
He slipped the faded parchment from his fingers into Remus' hand. Their fingertips brushed together slightly. Remus looked at the parchment confusedly, and then turned to look at him.
"No, not now." Sirius said, and without another word, he kissed Remus on the mouth for two seconds before fleeing, running away from Hogwarts, running away from the train station, and running away from Remus one last time.
AN: Okay, what do you think? It's not a oneshot, THIS WILL BE A TWOSHOT. I will not continue after that, it's just a small twoshot. Read and review please! AGAIN, THIS WILL BE A TWOSHOT. IT'S ONLY A TWOSHOT. Love all of you guys:D
JULIA :D ;O :P