Disclaimer: Still don't own it.
Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! This is my last chapter, though I may still write a sequel one of these days.
Sirius flew along corridor after corridor, making his way to the Gryffindor common room. When he reached the portrait hole, he clambered in and scanned the room for James. Lily, who was sitting in an armchair by the fire with a ridiculously thick book open on her lap, looked up when he came in.
Lowering her eyes to her book once again, she said, "If you're looking for James, he's up in the dorm."
Sirius didn't acknowledge her statement but raced up the stairs to the boys' dorms. He threw open the door and found James talking animatedly to Peter, who was laughing at something James had said. They looked around when he entered, their smiles slipping from their faces at Sirius' expression.
"What's wrong Padfoot?" inquired James. Sirius only looked pointedly at Peter, who still sat there gaping silently at him.
"Fine, I'll leave!" grumbled Peter, "No one ever bloody tells me anything!" Sirius felt bad for making him leave like that, but he was hardly comfortable making this confession to James, let alone Peter. As Peter slammed the door upon his exit, Sirius crossed the room and sat on the bed next to James.
"Tell me what's wrong Sirius," repeated James, concern etched heavily in his voice. James had never seen Sirius look this uncomfortable before. He was pale, slightly sweaty, and looking around the dorm as though in search of some sort of comfort. James slid closer to Sirius and put his arm around his shoulder. "Tell me what's wrong," he said again, a little more forcefully this time.
"There's so much to tell you, and I don't quite know where to start," said Sirius, looking slightly overwhelmed.
"It's okay Padfoot," said James reassuringly, "just gather your thoughts for a moment and breathe." They sat in silence for what seemed an eternity for both, until Sirius finally blurted out, "Maybe I should start with the fact that…the fact that…"
He couldn't do this. If he told James, James would hate him. No, James was like a brother to him, he could never hate him. But what if this was the one thing that could undo their friendship? Well, there was only one way to find out.
Sirius took a deep breath, resolved himself, and said, "James, I'm… I'm gay." There it was. He did it. He looked at James' face. "Oh," was all that he said.
"Is that really all that you can say? Oh?" said Sirius, his heart bashing against his rib cage.
"It's fine Sirius, just a bit of a shock is all," said James finally with a small smile as Sirius gave an audible sigh of relief. "I mean, it's just hard to believe, you're so…"
"What? Manly, handsome, suave…"
"Tall," interjected James.
At this they both burst out laughing. "Tall, James? It's hard to believe that I'm a pouf because I'm tall," said Sirius incredulously. "I guess so," laughed James.
"You took this a lot better than I expected," said Sirius, a bit more seriously this time (A/N: I know, I need to quit the name puns). "What did you expect me to do, run away screaming and then return with torch wielding villagers?!" said James, "I'm your best mate Sirius, I love you like a brother. You'd have to do a lot more than be queer for me to hate you."
This statement touched Sirius in a profound way that James would never know how much. "Thanks James," said Sirius.
"Don't mention it," said James, squeezing his shoulder slightly.
"There's more," blurted Sirius.
"Isn't there always?"
"Shut up James."
"Well, here goes…I'm desperately in love with one of my best friends."
"Sirius, I'm flattered, but you see, I'm with Lily…"
"Not you, you dung head! Like your ego needs any more inflating with my declarations of undying love and devotion."
"Right," said James. His face was slightly red from embarrassment. "Well," he continued, "if it's not me, I know it's definitely not Peter, bless his soul…" Suddenly, James' eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "Bloody hell, why didn't I see it before?!"
"See what James?" said Sirius even though he knew very well what.
"You fancy Moony!" exclaimed James, turning towards him and pointing his finger dangerously close to his right eye.
"Good job Sherlock!"
"I don't know, but Remus always uses that saying when he wants to be sarcastic."
"Oh, okay. But anyway, back on topic. I can't believe I didn't realize it before! I always thought there was something strange about how you would stare at Moony when you thought no one was watching, or how you're more gentle with him than with me and Pete."
"You noticed all that?" said Sirius, slightly worried.
"But don't worry," said James quickly, cottoning on, "no one else noticed, or even if they did, no one suspects anything."
"Actually, now that I think about it, Moony acts the same way around you."
"He does not. And even if he did, that's just the way Remus is, it's not like it means anything."
"I think you should tell him."
"I might consider that if I hadn't already made an arse out of myself today."
"What do you mean?"
Sirius launched into the story about the library and Elsie Langdon.
"If he really does feel the same about me, I've probably broken his heart and now he hates me," finished Sirius.
"Sirius, it's Moony. Moony doesn't hate anyone, especially you."
"Tell me what I should do James."
"I still think you should tell him."
"All right then. Give me the map, so I can find him. Let's get this over with," said Sirius resigning himself for the worst. James handed him the Marauder's Map ("I solemnly swear that I am up to no good") and Sirius scanned the castle for Remus, but he was nowhere to be found. Then, a little black dot labeled "Remus Lupin" caught his eye. "Why's he outside? It's been pouring rain all day!" said Sirius. He must have upset Remus more than he thought.
Remus didn't know how long he had been sitting by the lake, but by the way his clothes were completely soaked through, he deduced it must have been a long time. What surprised him was that he really didn't care. He felt completely numb. Why had he been dumb enough to even hope that Sirius might love him back? He had finally convinced himself to confront Sirius, but when he had happened upon him kissing that girl, all such hope had dissipated. He knew that Sirius snogged girls, but seeing it was something entirely different. He imagined that having his heart ripped out and then stomped on would feel about the same. He wished vaguely to be struck by lightening so that he would never have to face Sirius again. What had he gotten himself into? Why couldn't he just stop loving Sirius? Why couldn't he feel normal in any aspect of his life?
He was so caught up in these miserable thoughts that he hadn't noticed that Sirius was there until he sat down next to him. Remus jumped slightly and mumbled a greeting.
"You shouldn't be out here Rem, you'll catch cold." Sirius was now just about as wet as Remus. He couldn't help but marvel at how absolutely gorgeous Sirius looked with his shirt clinging to his body in all the right places, rivulets of rain water cascading down his face. How would he ever get over Sirius?
"Somehow, it really doesn't seem to matter." Remus paused to let Sirius say something, but when he didn't, he stole himself to say what was really on his mind and he continued, "I'm tired of hiding my feelings all the time, so I'm just going to say it. I love you Sirius Black. More than anything in the world. And it hurts so much because I know that you're straight and I can never have you. If you want to never talk to me again and hate me, I'll understand completely." Remus' eyes had welled with tears, which were now streaming down his face, mingling with the rain. He closed his eyes and braced himself for harsh words or maybe a fist colliding with the side of his face. He was shocked, then, when he felt two warm thumbs wiping away his tears.
He opened his eyes and saw Sirius, tears flowing as freely as Remus', looking him in the eye. "I'm not as straight as you'd think. In fact, I'm the complete opposite, and I've hated myself for it. The only reason I kissed her was because of those insecurities, but I'm so goddamned tired of being insecure! And I love you too, Remus Lupin. More than anything." Sirius finally bridged the gap between them and claimed Remus' lips with his own. Neither had ever felt anything better in their lives. Sirius marveled at how much better it was to kiss Remus than a girl. His lips, instead of soft and mushy, were firm and sweet and tasted of chocolate and rain water. They lay a long time kissing in the rain, both feeling that they had finally found home in each other's arms.
Author's Note: Well thanks for reading, I hope you've all enjoyed it. I'm quite proud of myself for finishing a story. I couldn't have done it without all your lovely reviews! The end wasn't too sappy, was it? I do like happy endings.