Spoilers: The Yellow Rose and The Sock
A/N: This story takes up where the series left off. Consider it just another episode!
Disclaimer: No links were harmed in the making of this fic, and no ownership was infringed, either.
Archiving: For your patience, I owe you whatever the heck you want. Sure, put it everywhere as long as it's got my namie!
Everyone, thank you so much for reviewing and demanding more!
Chapter 1: A Little Too Typical
The high schooler wore black combat boots over fishnet stockings and a lacy dress. Though she followed no particular religious belief, she wore about five crosses around her neck, big, gaudy, ugly things. Her unnaturally blonde hair was pulled three different ways in wild ponytails held together with puffy scruuncies. She was playing air guitar in her poster decked bedroom and wailing unintelligibly with a punk rock singer. It wasn't that she couldn't sing coherently, but she couldn't understand the words to the song any better than her parents could. Naturally, her parents were the reason she owned this vile CD. Left to her own devices, she would have hated this band, but when her father commented that their music was "garbage" when it came on the radio once, she immediately bought the album. She truly believed she loved this song.
"Turn that trash down!" Her father's voice.
She mumbled something under her breath. A pause between the tracks, and she picked up an ice cream sundae setting on her dresser. She took a bite, and as she moved to pull the spoon out of her mouth, a look of shocked horror overcame her face. It was stuck. It hurt! It was choking her! She fell to the floor as the band began to play their hit single "Slimy Mflump." (They don't know what it means, either, but as long as parents hate it, it sells BIG.)
Cool music and credits here.
Kate set her coffee mug on the desk. Funny, even though she had never missed a day of work in years (except for that unfortunate incident with the hypnolink, she shuddered at the thought), she felt like it had been forever since she'd been here. Strange. Nick noticed the look on her face.
"Thinking about the hypnolink again? "Cause I promise, nobody even noticed that you weren't, you know," he ducked his head, "Wearing anything. Most of us were too busy falling into the abyss and being chased by clowns."
"No, I just get this weird feeling. Like I'm back after a long, boring vacation. It's weird. You know what I mean?"
"Sorry, you lost me when you put 'vacation' and 'boring' into the same sentence."
She took a sip. "What are you talking about? You're the workaholic. As long as work includes interrogating links and blowing things up, of course." She smiled.
He grinned viciously. "I take great pride in what I do."
"No, you take homicidal glee in what you do."
He shrugged. "Same difference."
A booming voice snapped them out of their banter. "Benson! O'Malley!"
They followed Captain Page to his office, where Jonathan was already waiting, looking like it was Christmas.
Captain Page looked grim, but then, he seemed to have no other look. "We've got a case of a Literarilus down in a suburb of the city, Naperville. I need you for this case. Jonathan, explain."
Jonathan opened his mouth to start.
"And if you use the word 'wow' once, I'm going to feed you to the tentacle," he warned.
Jonathan didn't look at all happy about that. "Um, right, Captain. Uh, no problem. Well, the Literarilus, this is really cool, is so named because it makes everything so ridiculously literal, it's like. . ." he hesitated, not trusting his vocabulary, afraid his excitement would betray him. "It turns everything you say into reality. Every cliché becomes true. It's frightening."
"I'm not following," Kate said, impressed with Jonathan's ability to restrain himself.
"We found a teenage girl in her bedroom, and get this. . ." He was very nearly bursting. "She had been gagged with a spoon!"
"Shouldn't this be a case for homicide?" Kate wondered.
"No," Jonathan explained. "You don't understand. Nobody gagged her with the spoon. She just was gagged with a spoon! You see how destructive this link could potentially be? I mean, w-."
Nick interrupted just in time. "First person to say 'I'm coming apart at the seams,' this could get ugly." (I confess I got the idea for this episode from the old BeetleJuice cartoon!)
"Exactly. That's why we gotta nip this thing in the bud!" Jonathan was practically hopping up and down.
"And there's another one you wouldn't want to say around this thing," Kate pointed out.
Jonathan winced, getting a bad mental image.
"All right. How do we kill this thing?" Nick wanted to know.
"Standard puce ammo," Jonathan informed them.
"Um, no offense, Captain," Kate said, "But you said you needed us for this case. Why us?"
The Captain didn't look thrilled about delivering this news. "This link is in suburbia. We need undercover agents who won't seem . . . out of place." He looked ridiculously awkward for someone of his status. "We need to send in a married couple."
And so it is revealed, my friends, the REAL reason this story is called the cliche! Every series like this has one of these episodes! The Scarecrow and Mrs. King, for instance, had 3! Now this is going to be a fun cliché.
Questions to be answered next time!
Will they accept this ridiculous assignment? (Of course they will. I call the shots here!)
What cliché will come to life next?
Why do I bother with these stupid questions that nobody reads?
Does this guy explode when we kill him?