Clark Cries: The Adventures of Emo Superman
Warning: If you don't like Emo jokes, then don't read this fanfic.
I don't own anything.
"Somebody save me!"
Clark Kent sat alone up in his room. He held a sharpened crystal of kryptonite. It's green aura glowed in the shadows.
"I hate myself! Lana doesn't love me! Lois doesn't love me! Even Aquaman is cooler than me! Aquaman! Fucking Aquaman!" Clark cried pitifully. "The Green Arrow's a better superhero than me. Lois doesn't deserve me. WAAAH!!"
Clark gritted his teeth and clenched his jaw as he sliced his wrists. The glowing crystals cut right through Clark's skin, tearing his blood veins like no Earthly blade could.
"Fuck you all!" Clark cried out. Then, he died.
Music plays. This weeks Smallville is selling teens an album by Cartoon Cannibals, titled "Opaque".
"I'm opaque, I'm opaque! I feel sorry for myself, and hope you do too! Buy my album now, because Smallville tells you to!"