Characters: Kate, Sawyer and Charlie.
Synopsis: Short humour fic. Kate and Sawyer arrive back at the beach camp in the early morning after escaping from the Others. Sawyer is feeling mischievous, but he chooses the wrong person to prank.
Disclaimer: I don'town Lost…de, da, de, da, de, da….
"Do you think they've missed us?" asked Kate as they drew near to the beach camp.
"Hell yeah, Freckles," Sawyer drawled, sarcastically. "I'm sure that the camp's two biggest outcasts going missing has had them all crying themselves to sleep at night. Come on! What do you think?"
Kate rolled her eyes. "I think you'd be surprised, Sawyer."
"Is that so? Personally I'll be surprised if my tents still standing."
Kate and Sawyer stepped beyond the tree line and out onto the pale yellow sand. The beach was silent and desolate. The only sounds to be heard were the gentle lapping of the waves and the soft snores coming from the nearby tents.
"The sun's only just coming up," said Kate, yawning wearily. "Nobody is going to be awake for another couple of hours."
Sawyer grinned mischievously. "What do you say you and me bury ourselves in the sand so we can pop up and scare them?"
Kate smiled back. "It's nice to see how our ordeal has matured you, Sawyer." She squinted across the beach. "Hey, is that Charlie?"
Sawyer followed her eyes. Charlie was standing alone on the beach a few yards away from them. His eyes appeared to be fixed on the sunlight that was spreading over the ocean. His shoulders were bunched up and his hands were clamped on either side of his face, his fingers nervously raking his hair.
Kate frowned. "What is he doing up at this time?"
Sawyer shrugged, unconcerned. Then his face lit up with a devious smile and he winked at her fiendishly.
"Watch this…" he said in a conspiratorial whisper.
Sawyer took his gun from his pocket and slowly began creeping up behind Charlie. Kate rolled her eyes again. She thought about stopping him…but what the hell. They could use a few good laughs after all they had been through and Sawyer was sure to get a funny reaction out of Charlie.
Sawyer tiptoed ever so quietly towards the Englishman until he was standing only a pace or two behind him. Charlie didn't seem to sense his presence. He appeared to be lost in thought. Sawyer turned and winked at Kate one last time before pressing his gun between Charlie's shoulder blades.
Sawyer didn't even get to finish his mock threat before Charlie screamed hysterically and whirled around in a panic. He knocked the gun out of Sawyer's hands, his arms flailing and his eyes bulging out of his skull. Sawyer was every bit as shocked by this frenzied reaction as the victim of his prank. He raised his hands defensively as Charlie proceeded to yell blue murder at him.
"JESUS CHRIST! What the BLOODY HELL are you playing at! You could have KILLED ME, you crazy redneck! I mean what in GOD'S NAME…"
"Hey! Easy!" Sawyer protested. "It wasn't even loaded!"
But there was no stopping Charlie. He was red in the face and close to tears. Kate hurried over to where the two men were standing.
"Do you seriously think that was FUNNY?! Are you trying to give me a BLEEDING HEART ATTACK, you wanker?! You want to finish me off? You want to…you…"
Charlie swallowed and took a few wheezy breaths. His eyes flicked back and forth between Sawyer and Kate, a slow realisation dawning on his face.
"…you…you…you're back," he finished.
"Full marks for observation, sport," Sawyer replied.
Charlie nodded and swallowed again.
"Right…um…are you guys okay?" he asked, vaguely.
Kate raised her eyebrows. "Are you okay??"
"Fine…fine…" Charlie squeaked. His eyes darted nervously from left to right. People seemed to be stirring in their tents, woken by his cries. The dog was barking and circling their feet.
"I…I need to lie down somewhere…" said Charlie (mostly to himself).
Kate and Sawyer nodded their heads at him wearing matching looks of confusion. Charlie slowly shuffled away from them, his arms wrapped protectively around his chest, his face still twitching with panic.
"Well what do you know, Freckles," Sawyer muttered to Kate. "One week without us has driven em crazy…"