AN: Okay, first off, I know I might get some flamers crawling after me by writing this, but whatever. Honestly, go ahead. You make my review total go up and give me a good laugh at the same time :) Anyways, this is very light slash. God. It's so light that you'll have to squint to see it. Well, unless you have amazing vision.
EDIT: God should smite me D: I uploaded the un-edited version -is an idiot-
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon.
.a d d i c t i o n.
Sometimes you don't even realize how dependant on something you really are until it leaves you, drifting away on the wind's breath, flying up into the heavens, leaving you down in the dirt, straying from your grasp, just right out of reach. It hurts, a heart-wrenching pain, an ailment of the heart that is neither bacterial nor viral. No. It isn't something that can be described in medical terms. There's no immediate cure that can be taken in the form of a miniature capsules, white pills, foul-tasting liquid, injections. Time is the only cure and that Edward had a lot of.
He had an eternity to heal this gaping wound in his chest that would not relent, wouldn't close. This was a different sort of wound, one that didn't leak blood. Instead it released happiness and joy into the outside world, draining the body of its smiles and laughs. It was a cruel parasite, the thing that had attached itself to his chest, sucking greedily from the slowly dwindling and thinning river of bliss that had once rushed throughout his body in an endless torrent.
But, then she'd left. His love, his happiness, his will to push forward was gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Lost forever. She wasn't coming back. No matter how hard he pleaded, begged, wished, she wasn't returning to his arms. His rock, the block that kept him stable, had crumbled beneath his touch and been swept away in the evening breeze.
A shaky breath escaped marble lips as eyes that had once been the color of molten gold turned up to look at the cloudless sky. Now they were tarnished, dull, blank, dead. Dark lashes fell over them, hiding the ugly color from view. Stars twinkled up above him, spread out in a velvet navy blanket, clustered around the moon, a circular disk of soft gentle light that illuminated the expanse of forest set out before him, tucked beneath the cliff that was now his perch.
Bronze hair danced upon the wind's breath, messed up by the constant bombardment of it. However, the boy hardly cared what he looked like now. She was gone now. It didn't matter if he spent hours in front of the mirror, acting like a human female as he prettied himself up, making sure he looked aesthetically pleasing to her eye. But those eyes, those soft gentle eyes had turned to another, a human man, to whom she was now happily married.
He'd dreamed of being the man who wore that golden band around his ring finger, however, his finger remained bare. It was a nice fantasy, coming home to her open arms. However, it could never happen and the horrible realization at the end of each daydream struck him right in the chest every time, reopening the slowly healing wound.
"How could you, Edward? You promised her that you'd never leave her again! You promised her that you'd stay by her side always! That you'd never make that mistake again!"
A shudder traveled through Edward's body as Jacob's words echoed through his head. They were sharp, biting and painful, causing his heart to clench painfully in his chest. Now he was hurting even more than he had been before. Even though there was no one around, especially not Jacob, he replied to the accusations running through his head.
"I know, Jacob. I know," he whispered gently, eyes fluttering open to stare up at the glittering beads of starlight that peppered the sky ever so beautifully.
"You promised! You promised, Edward!"
"I know. I know. I know I promised," he breathed, curling in on himself, gaze moving down to the ground in shame, the berating voice in his head growing loud and louder with each passing syllable that rolled off the tongue.
"You broke your promise! You hurt her, Edward! Do you know how much she suffered? Waiting for you to drag your sorry ass back home? She waited all those years for you, Edward, you!"
"I know! I know! Don't you think that I fucking know?" he hissed, hands flying up to cover his ears, wanting to get rid of this noise, this horrible, painful noise that was blossoming from within him. He took in a shaky breath. "I know, Jacob," he whispered, voice softening once more, "I know that I hurt Bella. I know and it hurts. It hurts so bad."
He hugged himself, eyes that reflected his despondency turning back up towards the heavens as the wind caressed his cheeks, almost in a comforting manner really. The mental reproduction of Jacob seemed satisfied with the amount of pain it had stirred up this particular night and fell silent, slipping back into the dark corners of the vampire's mind, a skeleton in the closet.
Time passed. Edward didn't know how much, nor did he care. Now that Bella was gone time hardly seemed to matter. Life went on just like it always had. The only difference was that there was no Bella to share it with. Many times he found himself reflecting on the past, wasting the days and night away, contemplating on how he could've prevented this present from happening. It was only then that he realized how many mistakes he'd made, running away from her a second time, leaving her to rot in Forks, wasting away in that pit of loneliness and depression, the same pit he'd fallen into now. So, he supposed this was just payback.
Bella was getting her vengeance. She'd taken away the thing Edward was addicted to, his drug, his heroine, her. Yes, she was his drug, the thing he was addicted to. She'd had him wrapped around her little finger and now that she'd shaken him off like he was some sort of annoying insect, he didn't know what to do with himself, to satiate this need within him. Before he knew it, he'd gone into a withdrawal.
He'd sulked for weeks, months, years. He couldn't remember how long it had been. If he could cry then he'd do it. There were times where he felt like he had, when the fragile pieces that made him up began to break off and fall into the pit of his stomach, lost in the dark gloom.
Now the sun was beginning to rise and Edward knew it was time to go back home. It was a rare sight, the sun. Usually there were too many clouds to even see a ray of sunlight. Slowly, he picked himself up off the ground, brushing off his pants before turning to leave. However, the ground, the unstable cliff, decided to give way beneath his feet right then and there, leaving him to topple down to the forest floor below in a rain of dirt and rock.
He hit the ground hard, miraculously landing on his feet. A bad idea. A low hiss escaped him as he fell back onto his backside, clutching his burning ankle, which was already beginning to swell, blossoming purple and black. He gently prodded the tender flesh and quickly drew away with another hiss. Great. He'd managed to twist his ankle if not break it with that stupidity of his. Why on Earth had he sat upon a cliff? Oh for the love of God.
Edward tried to stand, but found that it was pointless. His swollen ankle wouldn't stand for it. A sigh escaped his lips as he leaned back against a nearby tree trunk, wondering how long he'd be stuck here in these woods. Actually, it turned out that he'd be rescued soon enough. However, his rescuer was the last person he'd expect to be wandering out in the woods now.
"Edward?" a familiar voice asked.
At first the vampire thought that that horrible figment of his mind, that taunting Jacob Black he'd created, was back, ready to bombard him with another round of guilt and heartache. However, he was proven wrong when he drew his gaze up from the anthill he'd been staring at and saw the werewolf he'd never expected to see again standing beside a tree.
"Jacob," he said softly, gaze traveling over the boy-now-turned-man. "You've grown." Of course Jacob had grown. He wasn't a vampire, a being frozen between the sands of time, so he changed, grew. Edward envied him. He wanted to be able to grow up, to see himself as an adult, as a twenty-something year old instead of the seventeen-year-old that always stared back at him in the mirror.
There was an awkward silence that after closer inspection didn't seem so awkward. It was a thoughtful silence that left the two of them to study each other, to take in the differences that time had caused as well as the similarities that had pulled through.
"Do you need any help?" Jacob asked, shattering the pensive veil of silence that had settled over the two of them. Edward shifted around, wincing as his movement bothered his injured limb. Biting his lip, he gave a small nod, feeling a little awkward asking Jacob, a former-enemy, for help. However, the two of them had set aside their differences. With Bella's departure the two had almost even become friends, something that had once been a laughable thought.
But before he knew what was happening, the werewolf had scooped him up into his arms as easily and fluidly as if Edward was a nine-year-old child. Now, the vampire, let out a small soft noise of surprise, wrapping his arms around Jacob's neck, securing his place in the other's arms. A small chuckle escaped Jacob at Edward's actions.
"I'm not going to drop you," Jacob said to the brunette he carried in his arms.
"… I know," Edward replied, shifting around a bit, looking away from Jacob. Even to the real one 'I know' seemed to be all he could get out.
They then began to walk, pushing through the forest, heading towards the town. Edward had thought that he might just get out of here without having to talk about Bella and return to that painful subject. However, he'd thought wrong. After a long period of silence, Jacob spoke again.
"She's pregnant now," he murmured. Edward stiffened in his arms.
"Oh," he replied, sounding just as dead as his eyes looked.
Then there was a small pause, a brief moment for the collection of thoughts and feelings. Jacob broke it once again. However, it was not with words this time, but a sigh.
"Edward," he began, eyes softening at the distressed boy he held in his arms, "It's not your fault. Don't beat yourself up over it. You'll find someone else." Edward shook his head.
"I'll never find another Bella, you know that." He sighed, leaning against Jacob, feeling oddly pathetic and weak at this moment. Thinking of Bella always did this to him.
"Oh, Edward," the werewolf said softly. "Don't beat yourself up over it. Everything will turn out okay. You'll see. Look on the bright side." Edward stared at him for a moment.
"What bright side?"
"Well, I showed up!" Jacob offered, earning a snort from Edward, who smiled anyways.
"Don't get a swelled head now," the vampire warned, teasing the werewolf, lips still pulled back into a smile. This had been his first smile since Bella had left him and it had been pulled out by Jacob Black, the last person anyone would expect to accomplish such a feat.
And so they continued to talk and slowly Edward's smile grew bigger and bigger until it was a full-out grin. He'd even let out a laugh at one point. Jacob was bringing the endorphins back, pushing them into Edward's body with his lively words, and animated personality. They put Edward up on Cloud Nine, feeling completely and utterly happy for the moment even if he had a twisted ankle that had swollen up to the size of an orange.
In the end, Edward discovered that one addiction could easily be replaced with another, dependence was adaptable. All he'd done was switch from the Bella brand to the Jacob brand and he'd gotten his joy back, his brightness in his life. Jacob's words had held some truth in them after all. However, he hadn't looked on the bright side. The bright side had found him.
AN: Done with my first Twilight fiction ever. Wow. Anyways, review?