Not Completely Evil


Disclaimer - the boys aren't mine despite my wishes.

Summary - Dean is on the hunt for something in a town with a limited amount of time to spare. (one shot)

Author's Note - this is dedicated to Rae Artemis. I thought I'd try something new - humour - and as always she was there for me while I tried it out.


He'd been to eight stores already and he was no nearer a solution. It was ridiculous how difficult could it be. What with size issues, colour issues and most importantly money and time issues, the problem was reaching monstrous proportions. He had less than twenty-four hours to sort this out.

Dean kicked out at the empty can lying in front of him in frustration. It rebounded from the wall back to him with a noisy clatter across the sidewalk. An old woman frowned and chided him. "What? I didn't drop it, I just kicked it." Her look was icy and she shook her head as she turned away. He bent picked the can up and threw it in the garbage, saying sulkily, "It wasn't mine."

And that's when he saw the fluttering orange leaflet stuck to the wall next to the garbage can. He moved closer to read the small print. A wide grin spread across his face, 'YYeess!" he said with enthusiasm. Taking note of the address, he set off at a rapid pace, thinking out the finer details as he walked.

By the time he'd reached the store, he had a plan worked out. It was a small, dingy looking place and Dean hesitated before going in. He just hoped that they would have one big enough for what he needed.

The door screeched like a banshee as Dean pushed it opened. He grimaced at the noise as he went in. A young guy with a ponytail was sitting by the cash register. He looked up at the noise and seeing Dean's grimace, he said, "I know it's bad, you'd think it was possessed the noise it makes. I don't know how to fix it, but I suppose it saves us needing to get a bell."

"You just need to oil it," said Dean.

"How'd I do that? Where does the oil go? I don't want the customers getting oil on their hands, or even worse on their clothes, man. We don't get that many customers, I can't afford to lose any."

"You don't know?" Dean said in disbelief. "I tell you what I'll make you a deal."

Five minutes later, Dean headed out the door with an even bigger grin. The day was just getting better and better. He was certain he had some WD-40 in the trunk of the Impala, so in exchange for fixing a squeaky door, he was only going to have to pay half price for his purchase. No problem. The deal was sweet and what made it even better was that not only did they have the right size but they had a good colour and the guy was going to put the finishing touches to it while Dean grabbed the oil and fixed the door. It would be ready to go by the time Dean was finished.

Dean finished the door and showed the pony-tailed guy, the ease and silence with which it now moved. He was unduly impressed to Dean's mind, but if it got him a fifty per cent discount, he wasn't going to complain. "So you finished?" he asked.

"I guess," came the reply, "Are you sure that's what you want on the back? I mean I get what you've had done to the front, but this... I dunno man, I just don't get it."

"It's fine. It's exactly what I need," he replied handing over the cash.

"Okay, your choice, man."

Dean left, heading back towards where he left the Impala. Another store caught his eye as he passed. He paused outside, wondering whether it was worth the extra expense. It wasn't his thing normally, but the advantage would be the way it would draw out the effect, prolong the... yep, definitely worth the extra couple of dollars and after all he'd saved fifty percent on what he'd got so far.


The following morning, Dean was up bright and early brimming with excitement. He felt like a kid and it wasn't even like it was his birthday. Looking at Sam still asleep, he couldn't resist it any longer. "Come on Sam, rise and shine, enough beauty sleep already. Up and at 'em."

Sam stirred, stretched without opening his eyes, yawned hugely, before blinking blearily at Dean, "Dean, wha' time 's it?"

"Erm, oh yeah, six," Dean said after retrieving his watch from the bathroom shelf.

"Six?" Sam was coming around more. "Where'd the morning go? Why are we getting up at six? I didn't think we had anything particular in mind for today or is it just you can't sleep, so I have to be awake too?"

"Sammy..." Dean's voice sounds hurt.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it okay?"

"As if I'd wake you up for no reason."

"So?"

"I didn't want you," he flings open the curtains as he speaks, letting the glare of the morning sun flood the room as Sam groans, "to miss out on your birthday."

"My birthday? No, Dean, you're wrong... it's only..." Sam paused struggling to put a date or even a day of the week to this particular morning. Eventually he had to admit he'd lost track and he couldn't do it. Roadtripping and hunting with Dean weren't exactly a regular life and it was hard enough to wake up every day somewhere different and remember where they were, let alone when as well. Not that Dean seemed to have a problem with it - maybe he'd got a watch with the date on it or something, although Sam was fairly sure he'd got a regular watch nothing fancy.

"Sammy," his voice oozed fake sympathy as his face grinned, "Is old age affecting your brain, dude? It's all that froth you drink instead of a real man's coffee."

"Whatever, Dean. Are you sure you've got the right day?"

Dean's tone changed again, almost petulant this time as he said, "Yes I'm sure," and threw yesterdays paper from the table to lie next to Sam on the bed.

Sure enough, there it was undeniable now, today was Sam's birthday. "Another year gone," he said bleakly.

"Don't be like that Sammy," Dean said as he sat down on his own bed facing his brother. "Anyway, I got you a present," he said with more cheer flicking a plastic bag into the space on the bed just in front of Sam's chest.

"Dean! You... you didn't have to do that... I know we don't have..."

"You don't want it?"

"No, no, of course, just... thanks." He pulled himself up to lean against the wall and tugged the bag onto his lap. Putting his hand into the bag he retrieved... a parcel neatly wrapped in metallic blue paper. "You wrapped it?" he asked astonished.

Dean shrugged nonchalantly, "I know how. I passed the store with paper in, just after I got the present and I just thought... are you going to open it and see what it is..."

"Er yeah. I mean, Dean, thanks for this."

"Yeah."

Sam turned the parcel over and started to carefully peel off the tape.

"Just open it Sam, it's not like you're going to save the paper."

"Impatient much, Dean?" Sam smiled, taking note of the way Dean's leg was jigging in anticipation. "You do know you're a big kid, don't you?"

Dean grinned, "Come on then."

Sam pulled the paper back and saw a neatly folded t-shirt laying in front of him. "Wow! Nice colour choice," he said appreciatively, looking at the label to see the size. It looked promising.

He lifted the t-shirt up by the shoulders so he could give it the admiration it deserved. As it dropped open to its full length in front of him, he began to read the slogan on its front. He glanced up and saw his brother's grin, knowing his own face was forming into a frown, "Dean, I can't believe you'd..."

"What? You don't like it?"

"What possessed you? What...? I don't believe you, man."

"Awww! Come on Sammy."

"Dean, the t-shirt was great but... but why? Why have..." he gestured at the slogan on the front.

"Because..." his brother shrugged, then grinned.

"I mean, Dean, how old are you? '333 - I'm only half evil...' You think that's funny? Anyway, it should only have been a full stop at the end, not an ellipsis."

"Of course it's funny. And no, it shouldn't be a full stop, I'm right it does need to be a whatchamacallit. You need to read the back too." Dean could barely stop himself from laughing.

Sam sighed and turned it round. This birthday present was definitely bringing Dean more joy than him. He glanced at his brother and saw the sparkle in his brother's eyes that had been missng for a while, so okay maybe that was his present as opposed to the actual t-shirt. The t-shirt well... He read the writing on the back and smirked, thinking maybe it was a little funny. "Dean, I despair of you ever growing up."

He laid the t-shirt down with the back showing. "...and I'm in league with the fabric softener teddy bear."

Dean was on the verge of collapsing with laughter. So yeah, it wasn't that bad a present.

"You do know I'll never wear it, don't you?"

"Awww, Sammy. Why not?" Dean choked out before finally giving in and collapsing onto his side on his own bed laughing uncontrollably.

Sam smiled and bunched the t-shirt up in one hand, before throwing it at his laughing brother. "You, Dean, are just a big kid."


Author's Note- I hope you enjoyed it, my first real attempt at a humourous story. Fingers crossed it was funny. Reviews very welcome. Thanks for reading.