Disclaimer: So, you're on a fanfiction website and you click on a story or an author or whatever; the point is, you get to this story through some process that makes it blindingly obvious that an incredibly small percentage of the stories you find will be based upon worlds and universes and whatnot of the author's own creation. Still, providing a disclaimer that I am in no way affiliated with the 'Supernatural' world beyond that of a typical fan, by which I mean a typical fan of a TV show/Movie/Book/Play/etc. in general and not a maniacally screaming 'Supernatural' fangirl (thinking of earning a few fangirls myself... that aren't Rae Artemis).
Chapter 4: Grunts Upon a Thyme.
By Rob Dionysus
Cuuks, Sam, and Dean arrived at a cheap motel leaving skid marks in the parking lot. Sam and Dean stepped out of the car and headed toward the motel entrance. Cuuks, after taking off his seatbelt, skittishly turned his entire body around to see if there were any obvious signs of being followed. Dean grunted, came back, and opened the back door.
"So is it safe?" Cuuks asked.
"Safer inside. Let's go," he responded.
Cuuks got out and followed the two brothers inside. A blonde receptionist greeted them with a smile. Dean reflected her smile. "Hi, the three of us would like a room please."
"Is that one room each?" she asked.
"Just a room for the three of us," Sam explained.
There was a pause. "Really?" The receptionist raised an eyebrow.
The three men shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "You're very attractive," Cuuks told her, breaking the silence.
"Dude, shut up." Sam nudged Cuuks in the ribs.
She smiled, typed some things on her computer and provided Sam and Dean with a couple of key cards. Dean took out a credit card and paid. They headed to the motel room. Cuuks didn't notice right away that Dean and Sam immediately started pouring salt around the edges of the room.
"Wow. Golly gee. Thanks guys. Really defensible position you got here. One door and a window right next to it. How many exits did you have in..." Cuuks turned and saw Dean and Sam's ritual of bordering the walls with salt. "What are you doing?"
"We're protecting the room from Demons. What does it look like?" Dean sneered. "They can't cross the stuff."
"Ahhh." Cuuks nodded, feigning comprehension, and, just then remembering the bag of sugar that he earlier forgot to remove from the backpack still on his shoulders, took out the bag and started pouring it in a circular shape around himself.
Sam noticed and immediately rubbed his head. "It doesn't work with sugar. Sam paused. "Why do you have a bag of sugar on you?"
Cuuks glared right back at Sam. "There's something I think you should know," he said with a mocking sigh.
"By night, I hunt diabetic vampires, werewolves, pagan gods, demons, Paris Hilton, and other evil clichéd supernatural devices. This is just part of my sugary arsenal." He paused for a moment. "Ooo, I brought donuts." He reached into his bag and grabbed a bag with some donuts in it. "You guys want one?"
Dean and Sam looked grossed out.
"They're all yours, buddy," answered Dean.
Sam looked at Dean. "Seriously?"
"Dude, do you have any idea how long they've been sitting in that bag?"
Cuuks finished eating a donut. Sam and Dean resumed salting the room. "You think you can help us there, buddy?" asked Dean.
Cuuks nodded and checked out the spice rack small kitchen area. "Does it have to be salt?"
"Yes," the brothers said in unison.
Cuuks grabbed a small container and read the label. "I found some thyme." He was met with silence. "You know, in case we get hungry." He opened the container. "Ha, I guess we've run out of thyme."
"Sam, can't we just leave this one for the demons?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, don't tempt me. Don't think it would work. No demon would be able to stand being inside the head of someone who puns so incessantly."
"Pretty sure that's the only time I punned to you guys."
"It was plenty," Dean coughed.
Cuuks opened a cupboard and found a salt shaker with a bit of salt in it, got down on his hands and knees and started shaking it along the wall. Dean and Sam managed to finish their halves of the room and ended up on either side of Cuuks. After a minute, Dean unscrewed the lid and poured the rest out. "I didn't think of that. So what's the plan for taking on this evil dead army of darkness? I didn't happen to bring a chainsaw appendage so I'm basically unarmed. And yes, I pun when I'm nervous. Get used to it."
"Well, according to the vision, it's only the one demon that's after you," exposited Sam.
"Well, that's flattering."
"Figuring because he or she or it or whatever is the only one who knows. Takes you out and gets all the credit. We have charms that prevent demons from being able to possess us. Once we take out this one demon, we won't have to worry about other demons because you'll keep a charm with you and they'll just assume it's because of that."
"Only one demon?"
"Seriously," said Dean, incredulously. "Is your ego really that fragile?"
"No. No. No. Well yes but it's not that. I mean, only one demon? Doesn't that just seem a little convenient? I mean, if there was an entire host of demons after me, there'd pretty much be nothing to do but hope some Deus Ex Machina occurs and some heavenly host plucks me from an eternity of torment."Cuuks said. "And with my luck, they'll let me stew in the demon's clutches for like, three months before they do it." Cuuks glared at Dean for a moment.
"Hey, you're lucky there's just one after you. Don't knock it," Dean grunted.
"So, are you going to tell me how we're going to kill this demon?" asked Cuuks.
"Yeah sure," said Dean. "As soon as we think of it."
A/N: You'll get the next chapter as soon as I feel like it.