A/N: Okay, this story came from my twisted mind and an amusing conversation that I had on a Kataang forum. I had been watching Maury a while ago, and I discovered that every episode is the same. So the Kataangers on the forum and I decided that Season Three of Avatar would turn out a little something like this...
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Note: Italics and parenthesis indicate an action.
Maury: Special Avatar Edition
Scene opens on the set of The Maury Show, with the audience separated into three groups. The group on the far right seems to be representing Kataang, while the group on the left is the support group for Zutara. The middle group consists of one man, who is sitting on a folding chair between the groups.
Pan in on the stage, where Maury is sitting in his chair. On the couch sits Katara, looking very teary-eyed. Beside her sits a grim-faced Aang. His arms are crossed and he doesn't seem to be able to look at Katara. Close-up on Maury, who offers the camera a grim smile and nods once.
Maury: Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Maury.
He turns to Katara, who is clutching a tissue in her lap.
Maury: Katara, I see you've come here today to find out who the father of your baby is, is that right? And this, this is Aang here next to you?
Katara: (Sniffles) Yes, Maury.
Maury: Talk to me, Katara.
Katara: (Nods) Well, you see, it's sort of complicated. When Zuko and I were stuck in the cave together during the season finale… well… the producers had to cut the scene out.
Zutarians in the audience cheer. Kataangers hiss and boo. Katara looks on the verge of tears.
Katara: No! Listen to me. It wasn't like that. It – it was… I was just caught up in the moment.
Maury: We have Zuko behind the scenes, waiting to come out for the test results.
He turns to Aang.
Maury: And you, Aang, what will you do if this is not your baby?
Aang: Well, I want Katara to know that I'll stick with her either way. But this is my baby, I know it.
Katara bursts into tears and hugs Aang. He sheds a few manly tears and hugs her back with equal vigor. The Kataang side of the room claps and cheers. Many of them are crying, and some of the Zutarians hiss. The man in the middle of the room does nothing.
Katara: Oh Aang! I am so sorry about all of this!
Maury: Let's see what Prince Zuko has to say about all of this.
Pan in towards giant TV screen, which now has Zuko standing there in his Season 2 Finale apparel. Zutarians and Zuko fans faint with glee. Kataangers cross arms and pout.
-Prerecorded dramatic objection-
Zuko: (Voiceover during dramatic camera angles) That crazy peasant thinks that I might be her baby's daddy? Well I'm here to tell you that I am no father of her child. Yeah, the cave was a spur-of-the-moment deal, but I 'aint raisin' no water peasant.
Zuko shakes hands at the camera and shakes his head, then crosses his arms across his chest.
Zuko: That baby 'aint mine! And I'm gonna prove it once and for all with this test.
-End dramatic behind-the-scenes shot-
A mixture of booing and cheering comes from both sides of the audience. Aang stands up and clenches his fists.
Maury: Well everybody, say hello to your royal highness... Prince Zuko!
Zuko comes onto the stage and Aang jumps up to attack him.
Aang: (Charging) You woman stealer!
Zuko: She came on to me, Arrowhead! That woman's a –
The two men start shouting at one another and Katara sobs in her seat. Meanwhile, the crowd is booing and hissing. Security guards come running up stage to separate the two yelling men. Sokka and Toph, who have apparently been sitting in the Kataang section all along, stand up and begin throwing things at Zuko. While Sokka's tomatoes hit Zuko, the chair that Toph throws hits one of the guards and knocks him unconscious.
Katara leaps to her feet, then jumps between Zuko and Aang.
Katara: You guys, stop it! Stop!
Maury: Hey everybody, sit down! The results are in!
Everybody stops what they are doing and sits down. Sokka grabs Toph's sleeve and jerks her down beside him. The man nearest to Toph goes to sit, but falls to the ground, as his chair is no longer there. Aang and Zuko sit down, with Katara closest to Maury's chair, Aang next to Katara, and Zuko next to Aang. Maury takes the envelope and opens it. He pulls out a packet of paper and reads it to himself.
Maury: (Dramatically) Zuko, in the case of Katara's baby... you are... not the father.
Zuko jumps up and begins whooping. He points at Katara and laughs in her face. Zutarians boo and hiss, while Kataangers begin to throw confetti around.
Zuko: I told you! I told you that baby's not mine! That's what you get!
Maury: Yes, we're all very happy for you, now sit down so I can finish reading.
Maury clears his throat and Zuko sits back down next to Aang, a pleased look on his face.
Maury: Aang, in the same case... you are... not the father.
Kataangers stop what they are doing, shocked. Aang goes into Avatar State and blows up ceiling. Katara falls to ground and weeps. Zutarians begin to dance with joy and jeer at the Kataangers, who are now crying and hugging one another.
Katara: Nooo! Wait, then that means –
Maury: Yes, Katara, that's right.
Everyone stops now and listens for the verdict. Even Zuko stops laughing to listen. Aang comes out of the Avatar State and curls up on the ground in the fetal position. He it nevertheless listening.
Maury: (In an official voice) In the case of Katara's baby, the father is… Foaming Mouth Guy!
Aang and Zuko share an astonished look, then both begin yelling at Katara. Katara bursts into another fit of tears and hugs Maury. The Kataangers, who are shocked out of their minds, hug the equally as shocked Zutarians. Both parties cry. The man, who had been sitting alone in the middle of the room, jumps up and whoops.
Guy: Whoohoo! Go Foamtara!
Maury: (As he peels a hysterical Katara off of him) Well that's it, folks. Thanks for watching Maury: Special Avatar Edition. Tune in tomorrow and remember: use protection!
A/N: I had to throw Foamy in there somewhere. xD
Sorry for the OOC-ness of Zuko. I had to do it, I just had to.
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!