A/N: Okay, don't go looking for any deeper meaning in this story (It's set up like a gameshow). I got my hands on Winter Knights yesterday (one week after publication, no less!) and this story is just the result of my current obsession with those characters that will never overshadow my obsession with Twig's hair (isn't it just the coolest hair EVER!!!! neway). I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had thinking and writing about it. BTDubbs, DON'T read this if you haven't read "The Winter Knights". It gives the whole thing away, so just don't read it b4 TWK. Thassall.
Disclaimer: I don't own Quint, Maris, Stope, or any of the characters. I don't even own Twig's hair (sigh)
Host: Welcome back to the Wednesday edition of "SIX MORONS AND TWO GENIUSES!" (que in flashing lights, cheesy music, etc.) I'm your host, "HOST!" Today we'll be interviewing some characters from Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell's hit children's series, "THE EDGE CHRONICLES!" Our first guest today is Vilnix Pompolnius, sometimes known as Vil Spatweed. Mr. Pompolnius -- I can call you Pom, right, good -- in this story you prize yourself on your intelligence and cleverness, isn't that right?
Vilnix: Yes, because I am very clever. But Host, if you wouldn't mind...
Host: Pom, you may be interested in knowing that not everyone shares this opinion of you. Some readers feel that your complete lack of subtelty and the ease with which your crimes were discovered points to a (dramatic music and sudden dimming of lights) severe lack of common sense and intelligence!
Vilnix: What? Who said that! Of course I'm a genius, and as a genius it's my pergatory to cackle and rub my hands together after I fool someone. And who needs to be subtle when you're smart!
Host: First of all, Pom, I believe you meant perogatory, not pergatory. And second of all, subtelty is a key part of intelligence.
Host: As are listening skills.
Vilnix: Face it dude, I'm smart. I'm also very cool, popular, handsome...wait a minute, did you just snort?
Host: Who, me?
Vilnix: Yeah, you! Did you just laugh in the middle of my extensive self-promoting speech?
Host: I would never dream of mocking you. I merely wanted to point out that you are neither popular nor handsome. In fact, most readers skip the hpages with your face on them because your chin is so pointy (it's even creepier than Felix Lodd's) and your hair is so screwed up. And anyway, you don't want friends, you say that they lead to betrayal.
Vilnix: They do. Your point?
Host: Well, how can you be popular and not have friends. If you're always mean to everyone, you won't get friends.
Vilnix: In my world, everyone's my friend!
Host: Ah, well that explains a lot. Your world indeed. Thanks for your time, Pom. (to the camera) We'll be right back after this brief break from our sponsorers. Next, you'll be hearing from another moron named Raffix, or Raff to those who he counts as his friends...
Vilnix: Host, I wanted to tell you...
Host: Sup, Pom?
Vilnix: STOP CALLING ME POM, YOU BLOATED BAG OF BANDERBEAR BARF!
Host: No probs, Pom.
(fade to caveman commercial, episode 2 (it's the funniest))