A/N: Wow, all these good reviews are making my ego swell! Any more words of praise and I'll turn into a monster. While we're waiting for that to happen, here's that next chapter of my story. I hope you enjoy it. It's actually the second version bc the first one got deleted by me by accident. I deleted the second one because it was really bad. The first two were about Phin but I lost inspiration so now it's about...you'll just have to read and see.
Disclaimer: Wow, I haven't done one of these in ages! Raff belongs to Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell, Host belongs to me and Lufwood blongs to Katherine Burnette
Host: Here we are again with another exciting guest star from Paul Stewart and Chris Ridell's smash hit, "The Winter Knights". You may not know this character - he didn't do much in the actual series - but he agreed to do a free interview for us so, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Raffix Emilius!!!
Raff: Hello, old chaps!
Host: Er...hi. So Raffix, what's the inside scoop on the Winter Knights?
Raffix: Scoop? Ah yes, well we're all good friends, quite dear to each other. I say, you wouldn't happen to have some tea and crimpets. I've a small hunger.
Host: No. We don't serve British food. This is America for God's sake! But about the Winter Knights...are there any love triangles? Fighting between couples?
Raffix: Not to my knowledge.
Host: Fine, be that way. Alright, what is your relationship with the fictional character Lufwood Verginix?
Raffix: Oh yes, I do enjoy getting drunk.
Host: No, I asked about Lufwod. Your girlfriend?
Raffix: Of course. And I said that I enjoyed going to the pub.
Host: But doesn't she mean something more to you than getting drunk together? What about a common bond, a spirit of friendship.
Raffix: Hm. Now that you mention it, she's rather good in bed.
Host: Woah, way too much information. Alright, moving along. How would you feel if Vilnix Pompolnius became Most High Academe?
Raffix: Crikey, I'd be gobsmacked! Absolutely flabbergasted. That wanker should never even have been permitted in Sanctaphrax.
Host: I see. Looks like we have time for one more question. This time, though, one of our spectators sent us in a question. Jack Shepherd from somewhere in the Pacific says... um, not that one. We have young listeners, you know. Stuart Little from New York, New York wants to know if...ooh, that's not a good one either. Although his drawings of human anatomy are pretty good for a mouse. No... no... no...Aha! Mary Littlelamb from Appalachia wants to know when is the best time to take a shower.
Raffix: Um...well I usually shower in the morning...
Host: Thank-you! Thank-you that'll be all. Well, folks, I hope you've learned a lot from our dear friend Raffix Emilius!
Raffix: Toodle-oo, chaps!
Host: Er, thanks, I think. One thing I'm sure you've learned are some stereotypical Briticisms, some of them taken directly from the book itself. Strange though, there's no Britain in Edgeland... But remember 'em, people, you'll need to know how to find a toilet when you're in London. Of course, I'm not sure anyone actually says those things but it's better to be safe than sorry. Anyway, we'll be right back after this commercial from our sponsorer. (aside) Harry, remind me never to accept fan questions again. That last one was awful, even after I censored it. People today, I tell you!
The author would like to apologize to any British people who were offended by the stereotypes in this fic. No chickens were harmed in its writing.