Title: Hormonal Urges

Author: Lifelessmidget

Genre: Humor

Warnings: Slash, Het, Twincest, Yaoi, Yuri

Pairing: Harry/Draco and various slashy and het pairings

Rating: R

Summary: Since when did everyone at Hogwarts become gay… except Harry and Draco? A set of drabbles of Harry Potter's unfortunate ability to burst in on unexpected events. About every pairing (slash and het) I could think of.

It was approximately 8pm as Harry strolled down the near empty corridors wondering whether he should duck down to the kitchen to visit Dobby, when he heard what sounded impeccably like the Weasely twins in one of the dusty classrooms. He spent about a minute wondering if they would appreciate a snack before entering the classroom.

"Hey guys I was just… ARGHHH!"

"HEY! At least knock before you enter!" George hastily pulled his shirt back over his head and tried to make out the intruder through the dim lighting. Harry Potter stood rooted to the spot trying to come up with a perfectly good answer as to why George was currently half naked with his brother Fred.

"Oh, hi Harry!" Fred grinned cheerfully as if all the events before them were perfectly normal.

They watched as Harry turned a complete one eighty and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

George turned back to his twin with a slightly worried look "You think he's gonna tell anyone?"

"No one would believe him anyway" replied the other with a flick of his wand to the open door, the slam emanated down the corridors following the black haired boy's echoing footsteps.

"Ron! Ron! You'll NEVER guess what happened!" Harry burst into the dormitory, unaware of the various closed hangings and the sound of scuffling behind them. He wrenched open the hangings to Ron's bed, not at all suspicious of the fact that all of his roommates had gone up to bed early.


Harry stumbled back onto his bed as the scene before him melted into his mind. There, hastily trying to find any clothing garments was his best friend and Blaise Zabini… naked like the day they were born.

"Merlin Harry, a few minutes earlier and you would have caught us in the act!" Ron said incredulously, opting for the covers of his bed to conceal his and Blaise's privates.

Seamus poked a head out of his hangings, his disheveled locks and overly pink lips giving an idea as to what he had been doing (except of course to naïve little Harry) "What's going on?"

The green eyed boy pointed a shaky finger at Ron "Ron… Fred… George…" he squeaked out, before a horrified look pasted across his face as a hand slithered up and locked themselves around Seamus's neck.

"Hey you, you haven't finished what you started" a simpering voice exclaimed, a glimpse of black hair and the pug like face told Harry that it was none other than Pansy Parkinson currently attempting to grind against his sandy haired friend.

Harry bolted, unable to scream but threw them all a terrified look.

Draco Malfoy was having an incredibly sour day as he climbed up the staircase with increasing flair and anger. He had no appetite thanks to the display of gross intimacy between Goyle and Crabbe, Blaise and Pansy were currently missing when he needed to vent off some stress about his two body guards and to top it all off, his cleanser which Snape had concocted especially for his 16th birthday had gone missing.

He had gone straight to the Professor's office demanding to see him, only to find himself knocking on an empty office. He scowled miserably wishing that the Slytherin head of house would just give him the recipe so he could make the damn face wash himself.

The blonde haired boy wandered the corridors, making his way to the library.

His heart leapt in a very non-sexual way at hearing Professor Snape's voice coming from behind a couple of bookshelves.

"My, my Miss Granger, you have been a bad girl" his breathy voice didn't seem to bother Draco as he crossed the length of the room to round the corner of the bookshelf. The Professor was probably marking the term papers and he was up to Granger's essay.

"Professor, I need the instructions on how to… ARGHHH!"

There, in front of him, pushed up against the shelves was none other than Granger with Snape's hand up her skirt most definitely NOT marking any term papers. Her lips were parted in a pink 'o' of surprise (from both intrusions), with her hands wrapped around the neck of the Professor who whipped his head around angrily at the interruption.

"MALFOY! POTTER!" he bellowed.

Draco turned and ran from the premises only to see the Potter's back as they both retreated as fast as they could.

The library, he had to head to the library! Harry thought wildly, hoping to scour his thoughts of all things gross and appalling. There wouldn't be anyone there at this time and even if they were, they couldn't possibly be doing anything other than reading books right?

These questions flipped like the battered pages of his spell books, he couldn't think of any spell to eliminate the horrid thoughts other than the distrustful and unreliable memory charm.

He pushed past the library doors only to get a glimpse of blonde hair striding across the perimeter of the floor and rounding the corner of the shelf. Harry half heartedly wondered if he should call out Malfoy's name just to ruin his night when he realized with a jolt that he didn't need to when he heard the blonde haired boy scream bloody murder.

Harry rushed to see what had made the boy so horrified, and after catching sight of the scene ,wished dearly that he had just glued his eyes shut the moment he walked out of the Gryffindor dormitory.

There, stood his other best friend, Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of their year… with his most hated Professor to date at Hogwarts; engaging in something which looked immensely pleasurable to his friend, but absolutely horrendous to himself.

He didn't need to scream seeing as Malfoy had already done it for him, and he didn't need to be told twice what to do either.

The sound of Malfoy's shoes clattering across the ground told him that the Slytherin had followed his thoughts.


Harry burst into the kitchen to find two house elves kissing tentatively, they both squeaked in horror at the sight of the black haired wizard, before scurrying off into the large kitchen, sobbing.

"That was something I could have lived without knowing…" Harry spun around to see Draco Malfoy slightly paler than he normally was.

"What are you doing here Malfoy?! I'd like to vomit without you witnessing thank you very much" Harry tried to sound menacing but the variety of events which had unfolded before his eyes that night allowed it only to come out as a whine.

"Unless you haven't noticed Potter, the feeling's mutual" the blonde haired boy slumped to the ground after shutting the door. Beads of sweat dripped from his forehead and his robes were exceedingly rumpled, no doubt due to all the running.

"Has EVERYONE gone insane?" Harry spat out, eyes wide behind his frames. He dropped to the floor as well, two house elves… not the two who had been caught lip locking, brought over two goblets of orange juice and a plate of sandwiches.

"Firewhisky for me" Draco said pointedly at the elf who shook under the Malfoy stare and obliged willingly. In the process, the elf had also turned Harry's juice into the famous alcoholic drink available only to eligible wizards and witches.

They both downed the liquid, Harry spluttering slightly as the burning sensation slid down his throat, and the goblets refilled themselves immediately.

"So… tell me Potter, what exactly has gotten your wand in a knot?" the Slytherin enquired.

Three goblets of firewhisky, a great deal of explanation of how it was possibly the worst night they could ever imagine having, a sandwich and two hours later, the two boys found themselves grinning drunkenly at each other.

"You know… I had a sneaking suspicion that Weasely was a pouf" Draco laughed as he tried to get up, only to land back down with a surprisingly elegant 'floomp'.

"Bit rich coming from Mr-I'm-so-pretty" slurred Harry, wondering how on earth he managed to string that sentence together with all the alcohol running through his blood. The grey eyes locked with his attempting to look astonished but only pulled off as what only could be described as seductive.

"You think I'm pretty Potter?" He inched closer; Harry saw that Malfoy's eyes were more of the stormy blue-grey than just dull grey as he had always envisioned them to be.

A pink tongue lashed out onto his lips, making them part unceremoniously as well as the utter shock he was going through as the clearly drunk Malfoy kissed him in the most sexy manner he could express.

Harry felt as if his head was about to split open, though he could only imagine why it didn't happen earlier seeing as Malfoy had pounded him enough into the stone floor.

Their clothing lay about them, ties flung haphazardly across the unlit stoves, shirts trodden on the ground as they had ventured the kitchen in every sexual position known to the wizarding world. Harry looked down and was grateful to see that he had managed to pull on some boxers, though he couldn't explain why he had on one left shoe with no sock and one sock on his right foot.

His mind raced unbelievably fast, covering over the events that had happened the previous night; his body had an array of red bites and bruises from where Malfoy's fingers had dug into his hips, the screams of ecstasy still vivid in his mind.

Did he top? Or did he bottom? His eyes frantically searched the perimeter and he saw Draco Malfoy standing on the other side of the room and smirking widely, his bodily marks almost identical to that of Harry's. He lifted his wand and pointed it at the black haired Gryffindor, casting a sobering charm.

"Care for another round?"

"Hey Ron, where's Harry?" Hermione entered the dormitory, feeling slightly guilty for leaving Harry in the dark about her involvement with the Potions master. The red head lifted a groggy head.

"I dunno actually, you should check the map, he came in here raving about something to do with Fred and George" as if on cue, the twins entered the dorm, identical smiles pasted on their face.

"Hi Ronnekin's, hey you two wouldn't have any idea whether Harry said anything about us?" George winked at the two younger Gryffindor's "Because we gave him some of our Mental Mudcakes, made to make anyone rave nonsense"

Hermione raised a suspicious eyebrow "No… but he's gone missing"

"Probably out shagging Malfoy" Fred joked, jumping onto Harry's empty bed.

Ron turned green "Eww…Bloody gross! You guys are disgusting! Don't ever suggest … 'Mione? What's wrong?"

Hermione had dropped her wand as she finally located Harry on the Marauder's map… accompanied by Draco Malfoy. Their speech bubbled suggesting that they were definitely NOT fighting…


Sorry had to fix up a few mistakes here and there, only the small ones though, i know there are more but i can't be bothered re-writing the whole thing. :D