"Terrible Beastie"


I am the greatest, most fearsome, awe-inspiring creature of the Seven Seas: The Kraken. Perhaps you've heard of me.

Perhaps not.

Well, let me tell you, it's not easy being the Kraken. You have no friends, for one thing…I mean, who in their right mind would want to befriend a sea monster?

It gets to be pretty lonely.

For another thing, though I might be a sea monster, I really have no rights at all. When was the last time you heard about a rally or fundraiser on behalf of sea monster liberation?

"Liberation from what?" you might ask. Well, I'll tell you.

Davy Jones.

Don't get me wrong, Davy is one hell of a guy. He can, however, get pretty aggravating when he insists on using you to resolve all of his problems.

Allow me to present a recent example. Honestly, I've lost count of how many times I've been summoned to get rid of this…oh, what is his name again? Sparrow, that's it. Jack Sparrow.

I mean, not only does the stupid gong give me a migraine, but, of course, Sparrow has to put up a fight. Honestly, I can come up with ten-thousand other things I'd much rather be doing than hunting this insolent bloke down. Who does he think he is, anyway?

There are, of course, benefits to this whole situation… I don't have an excuse not to leave my cave if I'm summoned, so the exercise keeps me relatively healthy. Not to mention the treat of catching up to a ship.

Let me tell you, there's no other thrill that compares to destroying a ship. And I mean really destroying that sucker. It's such great fun, wrapping your tentacles around it, wrestling for control before sucking it down, down, down… It gives me shivers just thinking about it. And you humans tend to think that you're so high-and-mighty on your huge floating toys…and then you get so offended when I come and destroy them! I can't see why…sometimes it's good to be put in your place. Repeatedly.

Ugh…there's the gong again. He really needs to just shove that thing…