AN: So I know I should be updating Painful Nostalgia but I haven't really been able to write for some time now. This is something I wrote a long time ago, kind of sad, but its Brucas, so that makes it worth it I guess. The characters of Brooke and Lucas are kind of similar to the way I have them written in my other story, this was me fooling around with them before I decided on writing PN. It's kind of shameful as a writer to admit that I have no real backing for them here, so if you really need that, then I suggest reading Painful Nostalgia. I apologize.
Also the title is from The Perishers song which is amazingly beautiful.
I hope my smile I hope my love One may think One may think But that's one thing
can distract you
I hope my fists
can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you'll never know
can blind you
I hope my arms
can bind you
So you'll never have to see
What we've grown to be
But we need pills
to sleep at night
We need lies
to make it through the day
We're not ok
we're doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We're losing ground
with every passing day
We're not ok
I would never
One thing I would never
That's one thing
I would never say to you
I hope my love
One may think
One may think
But that's one thing
For a moment it was just the two of them, the loud music and rambunctious teenagers were out of mind and out of sight. His gaze was intently locked on hers as it had been for nearly an hour. She wasn't sure of his intent, normally he would let her read him. He would slip up around her and let her in but she knew he did it on purpose, after the many fights they had had about him opening up he acquired methods of pushing that barrier down but it appeared to be fully fortified that night. His silence was even more deafening. There was something off and she could sense it but she just couldn't decipher what exactly it was.
He held her hand in his grasp, absenting rubbing the back of it with his thumb. He couldn't understand how he had thought for even a second that this would be fun. He hated being surrounded by those kids at school so why had it suddenly sounded so appetizing to spend a free evening with them? But he knew the answer to that question, Brooke had. Her sweet dimpled smile had been all the persuasion he had needed and the satisfied grin after he had agreed to go.
She rose from the chair pulling away from him slightly, his hand still in hers. She flashed him a flirty smile and tugged gently on his hand signally for him to follow.
A look of unease crossed his guarded expression but quickly disappeared.
"Dance with me." She whispered.
Slowly the tint of his cheeks began to redden into what could only be described as a blush and she was floored. Catching him off guard was something that brought about a side of him that she knew he didn't let anyone see. When he was around his family it was almost as though there were rules and guidelines on how he was to be treated and what they could talk about but Brooke pushed those boundaries every chance she got.
She tugged once more on his hand still not getting the response she was looking for. She let his hand slip from hers and she backed slowly towards the dance floor her eyes never leaving his. Slowly she began to sway to the beat of the music taunting him with her every move, she let out a flirty smile and allowed herself to get lost in the music.
He slowly became entranced by her. When he had picked her up that night her beauty had surpassed what he could have ever imagined. While he would always prefer her in jeans and a sweatshirt he couldn't imagine her being any more beautiful. He watched her for a few more moments before rising from his seat only to be met by her gorgeous smile. She beckoned for him as a slow song began to play and he trudged over there only pleased when her arms wrapped around his neck.
"Get bored?" She asked, her right hand gently playing with the hair on the back of his head.
He pulled her closer to him so she was firmly pressed up against his body, his strong arms confining her to him. "More like lonely." He whispered quietly, slightly embarrassed.
She met his gaze once more to see that the barriers had fallen. He looked broken and ashamed and a part of her fell with him. There were very few times when he let himself be that vulnerable, when he would even mention how badly he was hurting and a part of her treasured those times. She loved the way that he would let her peek inside and try to understand him but she hated the effect it had on him. But like so many people would notice even when he hid it the pain still surfaced from time to time and it hurt just the same.
She buried her head into his chest not quite knowing how to make this go away. She wished they were some where else where they could just talk and he could be at ease but whenever there were together it was almost as though they were under public scrutiny. With the reputation that Lucas had gathered as well as the legacy that was his family people had become addicted to the drama that surrounded him and on almost a daily basis people were checking up on their relationship. All of the girls surprised that Brooke had tamed the town's infamous bad boy, but then she had never seen him that way.
The couple left about thirty minutes later, Lucas leaving a protective arm wrapped around Brooke's back, yet another thing she had become accustomed to. He rarely was ever around her without some type of physical contact. She figured it was because of the dreams. There had been times when the reality of his dreams would fool him into thinking they were something more, and she figured it was just his way of making sure that it was real, that they were real.
They walked for nearly a mile until they met their destination. The quiet river bed was surrounded by huge ash trees offering a protective shelter from the elements and the public eye. Lucas sat down, his back leaning up against a tree, he pulled Brooke down to him her body fitting perfectly on top of his. His arms wrapped around her bare shoulders, rubbing them slowly trying to keep her warm. She smiled at his sweet actions letting out a deep sigh.
"So what happened tonight?" She asked, her voice small, careful not to upset him.
He was silent for nearly five minutes but to her that was a good sign. If he didn't plan on answering her he would retort within seconds and shut down but when they did talk it took him awhile to make sure he said the right things the right way.
"I wish things were easier for you." He said simply, careful to steer the conversation away from himself, he had let out enough that night.
She never knew how to respond to things like that. Clearly he was the one who needed things to be easier, his life had been a mess but somehow he was always blaming the pain in his life on himself and wishing that her life was better. It was almost his masked way of pushing her away even if he didn't mean to, it was his self-conscious doing what he thought was best.
Minutes passed slowly, the still air closing in around them, she could feel him starting to stir. He began fumbling with the straps on her dress, teasing them between his fingers he pulled one past her shoulder kissing the soft skin it exposed. She settled herself further into him taking his unoccupied hand and intertwining their fingers. Her head slowly moved to the side allowing him better access as he began to kiss up her neck. Reluctant to take it any further that night his mouth met her ear biting it softly causing her to laugh. He smiled as her shoulders shook lightly on top of him and he moved her dress strap back up.
"Do you think it will always be like this?"
He let the question echo in his head a few times, trying to understand the full meaning of the question and his answer became an undoubtedly certain "no" but he could never tell her that. He could never let her know that every morning it surprised him that she was with him, that she hadn't found someone better, and that he hadn't scared her away, but he figured it was only a matter of time.