Boba Fett and the Magic Ring
Once upon a time the great bounty
hunter, Boba Fett, decided to take a break from the exciting life of bounty
hunting and be an archaeologist instead. So he went to an archaeological school
and graduated with honors, although he suspected that this was because all of
the professors were too scared to fail him.
After graduating, he bought himself
a gigantic house with an enormous library. Then he filled the library with lots
of dusty old books about secret artifacts that no one could ever find. After
that, he hired several maids to keep the library looking old and dusty and
several more maids to keep the rest of the house clean.
However, after he had used up most of
his poisoned darts on the maids in the library (the books weren't dusty enough)
the rest of the hired help ran away, leaving him with a broken down droid and a
very old butler. Fett despised both of them and ordered them to stay out of his
way. The droid, however, was broken down so Fett sold him to a wandering Jawa
who didn't seem to realize that he wasn't on Tatooine. The butler stayed in his
old shack out behind the gardens, leaving Fett alone to clean house once a
month and to spend the rest of the time poring over the books, searching for an
artifact good enough for him to go after.
One hot summer day, Fett was seriously considering taking off his
armor and putting on some regular clothes. The library in which he sat was
dusty and stuffy, and the sunlight that poured through the windows of the domed
ceiling was not bright enough to reach the dark depths of the library's floor,
yet succeeded in making the whole room feel like an oven.
The library was rectangular and several
shelves lined the walls and the inside, creating aisles in which one could get lost
if exploring them. The library was so tall that a large staircase was in the
middle of it. The staircase reached all the way to the ceiling and had small
landings at periodic intervals so one would not have to find a ladder sturdy
enough to support oneself as one climbed to the books at the very top of the
Fett sat at a small desk crammed with
books on one of the landings. He skimmed the books, muttering to himself.
"The legendary-aren't they all
legendary-tusk of the first Bantha-gives eternal life to some and short lives
to others, no…the first gaffi stick, said to spit poison at the unworthy ones
and make invincible the worthy ones…wait a minute, what book is this?" Fett
closed the book and dusted off the front cover. "Oh, The Book of Sandpeople Artifacts subtitled Things the Worthy Sandpeople Alone are Allowed to Touch. Why do I
even bother?" He threw the book to the floor and picked up another one. "What's
this? Oh, The Book of Outstanding Ewok
Artifacts….No, I don't care about the stupid Ewoks-'"
"Ah, but you might find some of their
artifacts interesting," said a stately old voice from somewhere behind him.
Fett whirled around, already bringing
one of his dart shooters to bear, then remembered that the particular dart
shooter had already been used up, and cursed. He glared at the intruder from
behind his T-shaped visor.
The intruder smiled, and Fett
recognized him as the butler, and old man by the name of Valorum, maybe. "Curse
you, old man. Whaddaya want?"
The man was tall, and held himself in a
stately manner. He had a shock of white hair and was dressed in senatorial
robes from the Old Republic. "I was just about to tell you that you have to go
on a big quest on Endor."
Valorum shrugged impatiently.
"Fine, but why do you care?"
Valorum pulled up a chair and sat down
next to Fett. "I was an archaeologist once, before I dragged myself into
politics and lost everything. Anyway, before I got into the Senate and lost
everything, I was working on a project that had to do with Endor. Here-I've
still got the information…" Valorum rummaged around in his pockets and withdrew
a very battered looking flimsy. "There you are," he said, handing it to Fett.
Fett opened it and read aloud, "'The
Magic Ring of the Ewokian lore'-sounds intriguing-'made from the precious gold
of the Ewoks, inset with precious stones. Legend has it that the holder of the
Ring will have control over all of Endor, the whole sector….'"
As he read, Fett became more and more
interested. According to legend, the last time the Ring was used, the planet
Endor itself was destroyed. The Ewok elders had then decided that the Ring was
too dangerous for any Ewok to use. They had cut the Ring in half, kept one of
the halves and buried the other half in a secret location that no one had ever
been able to find. Many Ewoks had died looking for it.
When he finished, he caught Valorum
looking at him expectantly. "What? Why do you want some stupid Ring?"
Valorum shrugged. "I was once
Chancellor Valorum of the Old Republic, until Emperor Palpatine took it from
me. I figure I can take over Endor,
then work on taking over the Empire…."
Fett eyed him. "How much money do we
Valorum smiled. "It depends on who
"You do. How much will you pay me?"
Fett waved a hand dismissively. "Ha-ha.
For something that good, I'm not settling for anything less than two hundred."
Valorum thought, then sighed heavily
and extended his hand. "One fifty up front, one hundred more upon delivery."
Fett smiled within his helmet. "Done."
He slapped Valorum's outstretched hand.
The next few weeks Fett spent searching
for any clue on the Ring. Valorum had told him everything he knew about the
Ring and then left Fett to his research. After a long argument, Fett agreed to
meet up with Valorum on Endor. That said and done, Valorum had taken off to
who-knew-where, leaving Fett alone in his house.
After several weeks had passed, Fett
realized he was going to need help from someone who had actually done this sort
of thing before. After a long search, he found and agreed to meet Dr. Wings, an
Ewok historian who had dug up ancient Ewok artifacts before.
Fett stood in one of his rooms,
debating if he should go in uniform or start dressing like other people
normally did. He looked at himself in the mirror and opted for the latter. Too
many people would run away from him if he showed up in his famous armor.
Sighing, he took of his helmet, boots, chest plates, leggings, and gloves. He
folded them up and stuck them in the wardrobe's secret compartments. He then
pulled on a green jumpsuit and surveyed himself in the mirror.
He was very pale, his eyes almost
white, his hair white blonde. He shrugged, pulled out one of his fake ID that
identified him as James Tef, relatively new archaeologist. He sighed again and
left for the city.
He found the small tapcafe they were
meeting in and sat down at a table. Soon a pretty woman joined him. She had
long black hair she had tied up in a ponytail, big, surprisingly bright violet
eyes, a small nose, round face, and long legs. She was wearing a purple
jumpsuit and had several blasters strapped to her.
All this Fett observed in an instant.
He cleared his throat, and she turned her violet gaze on him.
"Yes?" she asked.
"Yes. I'm meeting a Doctor Wings,
and that seat is reserved for him," Fett growled.
Her eyes widened and she smiled. "I
am Doctor Wings. Vera Wings. You're Tef?"
"James Tef." Fett eyed her again. "I was under the
impression that I was meeting a learned male, but-"
She shook her head. "Typical
stereotype. Get it all the time. So," she continued, lowering her voice
slightly, "you're looking for the Ring?"
"No," said Fett sarcastically, "I'm
looking for the first gaffi stick. Why else would I call you?"
"I don't know," she replied.
"No, you wouldn't," Fett agreed as a
waiter came by. "The kid's sushi, please." The waiter nodded and left.
Wings continued to watch him as his
order came. The waiter smiled and set down the tray. "Here you are, sir," he
said, then ran away. Fett shrugged and started in on one of the sushi. Suddenly
two teddy bears the size of sumo wrestlers appeared. They lifted Fett, one
large paw under an arm, yelled "WASABI," and dropped him.
Rubbing his arms, he glared at them.
"Who the heck are you?" he demanded.
"Oh, vary sarry sar, we are dee running
gag for dis story, sar," they replied in a weird accent.
Still eyeing them, Fett said, "I'll
make a note of it….Waiter! Come take away the sushi, please." The waiter came
over and the bears disappeared. "Why do I get the feeling we'll be seeing them
The doctor shrugged. "They're the
running gag. Maybe we'll figure it out later."
"So, are you in?" Fett asked.
She smiled. "For the chance to see
those bears humiliate you again? I wouldn't miss it for the world."
* * *
Three days later, Fett was preparing
for flight in his Slave I, when
suddenly he remembered that he had to take Dr. Wings with him. He sighed and
left the cockpit for the access hatch. As he wormed his way out, he looked down
and nearly had a heart attack when he saw Wings on the ground, watching him
with an amused smile.
"So you are Boba Fett," she said.
"If I wanted to, I could kill you right
now. And call me James or Tef, as I don't want to blow my whole cover," he
growled, still angry that she had managed to elude his security devices.
"Ah, but you don't want to, and that means I don't
have a thing to worry about," she retorted.
"Are you so sure?" he countered.
She sighed. "I'd keep bickering with
you, but I have offworld clearance for my yacht for three minutes from now. Are
you coming or not?"
He climbed out of the ship and jumped
to the ground. She turned on her heel and walked briskly towards another
docking bay. She entered the door and Fett followed.
"Here's my ship, the Endor Escape. What do you think?"
Fett stared. It was long and
streamlined and gleamed a bright silver. The plating on it seemed seamless,
except for miniscule lines that were probably hidden missile launchers and gun
turrets. "Very nice."
"Okay then. Let's go."
* * *
As soon as they entered hyperspace, Wings showed
Fett around. "These are the bunks, and there are five of them. Usually, I sleep
in one of the larger bunks and keep the smaller ones for treasure…." She
continued, but Fett stopped paying attention to her and let his mind wander. He
hoped Valorum was already on Endor, otherwise he would have to kill the old man
and that wouldn't go well with a lot of people.
was a nice little modified yacht, but the Slave
I could have reduced it to dust in an instant, without thought. So could
most bounty hunters' ships. The thought made him uneasy. Suddenly Wings said
something that jolted him back to the moment.
"…and if Boba Fett doesn't listen, I'll
hand him this little device I found on Yavin IV." Wings held out a small,
innocent-looking device. "Anyone who holds it in the improper position will
immediately be injected with a poison which, if the victim fails to get an
antidote in fifteen minutes, will immediately cause the body to reject itself.
In effect, the person's body will try to eject every organ from itself. The
organs are swiftly punctured, your nerves fry, and you are almost dead, but
your brain is only hemerrorging. In a way, it's good your nerves fry after your
stomach twists in on itself, because you don't have to feel the rest of the
pain. But you're still aware, at least for part of it."
Fett looked quite unnerved. "That's
nice….Erm, doctor, may I ask-"
"Vera, please. Partners are friends,
until the partnership dissolves."
"Fine. Vera, how do you come by your
She shrugged, her black hair rippling.
"Lots of ways, James dear. Do you mind if I call you James? Fett sounds too
He cleared his throat. "Fine. Anyway."
"Oh, yes. How I find my artifacts…it
doesn't matter in this search. This Ring you're looking for, well…it's going to
Fett narrowed his eyes, then realized
he didn't have a helmet. Vera didn't seem to notice. "Very interesting
* * *
Two weeks later, Fett and Vera were in
the Endor system, preparing to land on the Forest moon. Fett was messing with
the control panel. A red button flashed. Vera, glancing over at Fett, decided
to leave him alone. She leaned forward in her seat and with one long,
glittering purple fingernail she pushed it.
Suddenly the stars of space were taken
up by the face of Valorum. Vera eyed him, noting every line of his (rather
handsome, she thought) face. His shock of white hair stood straight up, as
usual, and he looked relieved to see them.
"Fett! Tef! James! You're here! Thank
the-oh never mind. Hurry up and land, will you?"
"What's going on, Chancellor?" Vera
"Are you the doctor? Splendid! Now,
hurry up and get down here!" Valorum glanced to the side, then back at them.
Fett sighed and rolled his eyes. Vera
reached over and pressed the Auto-Descent button. "Just sit back, James dear."
Fett did, but suddenly he looked up and
yelled, "What the bloody heck is that?"
Vera looked up, too, and saw what he meant. Above
them swarmed thousands of Imperial ships: from minute TIE fighters to enormous
Super Star Destroyers. Above them hovered what looked to be a giant moon, but
from her week at the Yavin IV base, she knew it was a Death Star. An
exceedingly large Death Star, much bigger than its predecessor.
What caught her eye, though, were
several Stormtrooper transports and a Lambda
shuttle heading down for the forest moon. She pointed to them and said,
"I know," he snapped. "They're headed
for the surface."
"No duh," she retorted. "Do you think
they're looking for us?"
"Why would they?"
"Well…" Vera hesitated. "I'll tell you
"I think now would be appropriate,"
Fett said coolly. "I don't have to do anything to land this thing, thanks to
your extremely incompetent Auto-Descent installment."
Vera rolled her eyes. "At least it
lands itself. Do you know how much work I put into that thing?"
"Ahem." Fett glared at her. "I believe
you are speaking evasively."
"Oh. Why they would be after
us. Right. Er…well, my parents were Rebel sympathizers and I have…in the
past…done dealings with them that displeased the Empire….Serves them right,"
she added, "they killed my parents."
Now Fett was looking murderous. Not a
good sign, Vera decided. "Why," he said softly, "didn't you tell me BEFORE we
"Er…I was, um, well, hoping that you
wouldn't chuck me out an airlock?" she offered lamely.
"If I wasn't getting paid a WHOLE lot
for all this, I would do that, right now," Fett growled. "As it is, I know of
some pretty painful torture methods…."
"Is that really nessacary? It's been years
since I was involved with the Rebellion…." Suddenly the view changed again. Now
it showed a blonde-haired guy, a brown-haired woman, and a guy who looked
suspiciously like the last bounty Fett had taken on.
"Vera!" the woman said. "What the heck
are you doing on a private Alliance frequency?"
Fett glared at her and pulled a finger
across his throat, then pointed to her. Vera cleared her throat nervously and
replied, "Er, well, we were talking to this guy named Valorum-"
"Valorum's here?" the woman demanded.
The blonde guy started consulting what seemed to be a script.
"Uh, Leia, this isn't in the script,"
he said, "and I would like to get paid this week."
"Luke, shut up."
"Luke, I'm warning you…."
"OK, OK, I get the picture. Jeeze," he
grumbled, "what I do for siblings."
"Anyway," said Leia, now addressing
Vera, "are you sure it's Valorum? That guy that girl with the weird headress
kicked out of office?"
"How do you know about that?" a new
voice demanded. Valorum appeared on the deck of the cockpit.
"I studied it in Senate school, you
"Have we landed already?" Fett asked.
Vera checked the readouts. "Yeah, but
we landed on top of some sort of Imperial base thingie."
"Well, that's good," Fett remarked
sarcastically. "Now maybe they'll invite us to tea."
"Let's get out of here," Vera
"Well," said Valorum, "see, there's this little, itty bitty
The people on the viewscreen were
watching all this, quite puzzled. "What's going on?" the guy who looked like
Han Solo asked.
"What?" Fett demanded, ignoring Solo.
"Oh, I think you'll figure it out,"
said a new voice. Vera, Fett, and Valorum turned around to see an armored
division of stormtroopers standing behind them.
"Valorum," Leia and Vera groaned.
"Sorry." Valorum looked sheepish. "I
forgot about the bounty on me."
"What bounty?" Fett demanded.
The head stormtrooper cleared his
throat, pulled out a flimsy and said, "Wanted: Valorum, former Chancellor of
the Old Republic, for conspirising to take over the Empire and for being a
general threat to the Imperial throne. Also wanted for sympathizing with the
Rebellion, and wreaking havoc, and convincing other people to join the
Rebellion." He folded up the flimsy and stuck it in a pocket. "Now come out
with your hands up."
Fett, Vera, and Valorum marched out of
the Endor Escape with several guns pointed at their heads. They were
marched into the bunker, stuck in a prison cell, and told that if they tried to
break out they would be killed.
Vera immediately claimed the only seat
in the room, which wasn't much more comfortable than the floor upon which the
two men sat. "Now who's idea was this?" she asked conversationally.
"Not mine," said Fett, glaring at
"Well excuse me," Valorum said. "I
thought that bounty expired years ago. Anyway, how did Miss Organa know your
"I told you people already, I used to
work with the Rebellion," she said in exasperation. "I was on her staff."
"Well, who was that with her?" Fett
"The blonde was definitely Luke
Skywalker; the other one looked like Han Solo."
"Solo?" Fett burst out. "After all I
did to get him locked up? How DARE he be free?"
"What?" Vera and Valorum asked.
"He was the last bounty I had," Fett
explained. "It took me three years to get him locked up in Jabba's palace, ad
he only stayed that way for ONE YEAR!"
"Calm down," said a new voice. The head
stormtrooper came in, followed by his three commanding officers. "We brought
Fett looked down at the plate he had
been given. It was piled with…sushi! He looked over at Vera and they grinned
evilly. "Here," he said, offering one to each of the stormtroopers, "would you
"Sure." They popped them into their
mouths at the same time Valorum did. Seconds later, the whole bunker shook as
loud crashes were heard in the corridor. The door burst open and in came the
two sumo wrestler teddy bears. Vera and Fett ran out into the corridor as the
bears did their "WASABI!" act on each of them.
They continued running until they made
it outside, where they were forced to stop dead in their tracks. "Is it just
me," said Vera, "or did we walk into a war zone?"
Fett shrugged. "It probably has nothing
to do with us, so let's just GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE!"
"Good idea." The pair ran off into the forest.
later, they were still running through the forest. They hadn't seen any sign of
life (except for the birds and the trees; but those weren't intelligent) since
they had left the bunker. Finally, Vera stopped and held up a hand, doubled
over and panting for breath.
stopped, too. "What?"
shouldn't we find out?" she said matter-of-factly. "It is getting late."
was about to reply when he spotted something shiny on the ground. Bending over,
he picked it up, then crouched down to look at it.
crouched down too. "What is it?"
looks like-" Fett began, after cleaning off all the dirt. However, Vera grabbed
it and her purple eyes lit up. She rummaged around in her pockets until she
came up with a gold semicircle set with jewels. Breathlessly she held the two
halves together. There were several sparks, and then the gold pieces melded
it the Ring?" Fett asked. Suddenly they were hurled way up into the treetops,
where they saw a funny old man standing by a bridge. "What the-"
me these questions three, e'er the other side you see," the old man said.
Vera shrugged and went over. The old, crazed man smiled an evil smile and said,
"What, is your name?"
my fake one or my real one?" she replied.
bent over and whispered something in his ear. He nodded and asked, "What, is
your quest?" Again she whispered something in his ear. "What, is your favorite
she said confidently.
Well then, off you go."
er, than you." She walked across the bridge and waved at Fett from the other
side. She threw something at him and he caught it-it was the Ring. Fett
shrugged and walked foreward.
me these questions three, e'er the other side you see. What, is your name?" the
old man began once more.
Fett, James Tef, or Jaster Mereel," he replied.
old man frowned, waited for a moment, then shrugged and asked, "What, is your
get paid for finding that bloody magic ring."
the capital of Syrria?"
that your final answer?"
I was just making sure I heard you correctly," Fett stammered.
I said 'Syrria.' Now hurry up and answer the question! I've got a party of" he
stopped to count on his fingers "five coming after you!"
shook his head. "What the heck is Syrria-AHHHHHH!" He fell down, off the
bridge. He quickly called on the magic Ring to stop him from falling, but all
it did was to enclose him in a bubble that popped immediately upon hitting the
ground. And thus, Boba Fett came to an end.
* * *
quickly got rid of her disguise and smiled around at high ceiling of the
Imperial Palace. She had gotten rid of the Ring, and Valorum, and now her
master's safety was insured-
suddenly it hit her like a rock. Several minutes later she sat up and looked
around. What the heck was that? she wondered. Suddenly she heard what
would soon start to haunt her…
WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER.