So there I was teaching my budgie to say dirty words, (aren't I charming? XD), and all of a sudden I get the biggest brainfart to write this oneshot.
"I swear to God Sakura, if he takes much longer getting ready I'm going to Rasengan him where the sun don't shine," Naruto grumbled, banging his head irritatedly against the wooden doorframe to Sasuke's house; Sakura rolled her eyes, wringing her hands and scuffing her feet in exasperation, unable to say a bad word against her beloved team-mate but thinking an hour and a half preparing for a training session was a little on the excessive side.
"Calm down, Naruto! He hasn't been that long," she snapped angrily, channelling her frustration into berating the other boy – a favourite pastime of hers.
"Not long?! I wouldn't be surprised if I burst in there and he was crimping his hair or something!" the blonde raged, leaning back against a wall and folding his arms tightly across his chest.
"Problem, Naruto?" came Sasuke's bored drawl from the top of the stairs, his team-mates' heads snapping simultaneously in his direction and collectively sighing in relief as they saw that he was finally ready.
"No, Sasuke-kun! Naruto and I – " Sakura began, smiling and waving her hand as though to brush the wasted time aside like it were nothing.
"Damn right I've got a problem! What the hell were you doing in there that took about three fucking hours?" Naruto interrupted, Sakura turning to glare at him. Sasuke snorted, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear before descending the stairs, walking through the other two and standing just outside the open doorway.
"That's hardly your business. Don't we have some training to do?"
Naruto almost imploded on the spot – how dare that… that prissy bastard spend so long getting ready and then pretend like he was the one holding them back! Sakura held her tongue, stepping outside beside Sasuke and giving Naruto a look that clearly read 'start an argument and I'll kick your ass.' The blonde recoiled slightly, not forgetting his pink-haired team-mate's ungodly strength and was about to take a step forward before Sasuke spoke.
"Hold on a moment – I've left something in my room," he stated suddenly before striding back into his apartment, only to be caught across the chest by Naruto's outstretched arm.
"Ohh no you don't. I'll go and get it, you might get distracted and start putting another coat of mascara on or something," the blonde growled, swinging Sasuke around in front of him. "What is it?"
"Fire scroll," was the short reply he received from the glaring Uchiha, and without giving him a chance to argue against him, Naruto turned and bounded down up the staircase, down the corridor and into Sasuke's bedroom; although they were very late to meet Kakashi at the training grounds, Naruto couldn't resist the opportunity to have a snoop around, this being the first time he'd ever had a chance to enter his team-mate's room.
'Jesus, it's way too clean in here,' he thought, gazing around interestedly, taking in the neat bedspread, the perfectly organised wardrobe, the dust-free surfaces of the cabinets and chest-of-drawers. 'It doesn't even smell like him.'
Vaguely registering how strange that last observation was, Naruto shook his head, his eyes falling upon the forgotten scroll on the small bedside table. Picking it up, the blonde turned to exit and return back to his waiting team-mates until a strange, shrill sound from the other end of the room made him jump; turning around, he saw hanging in the furthest corner of the room a small, silver cage – overcome with curiosity, Naruto moved closer to see what was inside, and couldn't fight down an abrupt 'Ha!' of laughter when a small, green budgie peered back at him, just as interestedly.
'Sasuke has a budgie? How manly!' Naruto chuckled, poking a finger through the bars of the cage and grinning as the little bird leaned in and 'cheeped' inquisitively.
"Hello!" Naruto greeted, quite taken with the little fellow. "Who's a pretty birdie?"
"Yup, that's right!" Naruto laughed again, removing his fingers from the cage and turning to leave, wanting very much to return downstairs and mock Sasuke till the cows came home about his 'friend'. He'd almost made it out of the door, when the budgie suddenly spoke again, making him turn again to stare at the silver cage.
"Naruto! Naruto!" it chirped brightly. The blonde scratched the back of his head confusedly. 'Is it… talking to me?' he thought worriedly, wondering how on earth the little bird could know his name. He walked slowly back over to the cage and frowned slightly.
"Hello?" he said tentatively, thinking that perhaps he'd just imagined it.
"Naruto! Ah! Ah! Naruto!" came the little voice again, Naruto's eyes widening.
"Ahh! Naruto! Ah! Ah! Naruto!" it squawked even louder than before, the blonde withdrawing slightly at the trill, erratic noise.
"Shh! For something so cute you sure do make a lot of noise."
"Ahhhh! Naruto! Naruto! Ah!" it carried on regardless.
"Careful little guy, that almost sounds like – " Naruto spoke, faltering as realisation rolled over him with the force of a truck. A tan hand clapped itself to his mouth as his eyes widened to the size of saucers.
'Oh. My. GOD!'
The blonde stood rigidly, absorbing the shock of what had just been inadvertently revealed by the bird, who had quieted and was swinging on his perch cheerily; a wily grin began to slowly unfurl upon Naruto's mouth as a whole manner of devious thoughts began to creep into his mind.
'Blackmail material of the century!' he thought happily, turning and bounding out of Sasuke's bedroom and down the stairs to where his team-mates were standing, sour-faced and obviously raring to go to training. Naruto beamed at the two of them.
"Sorry guys! Got a bit sidetracked," he declared, quite truthfully.
"Jeez, trust you Naruto!" Sakura sighed as she turned and started towards the training grounds. Sasuke snorted as he began to follow, before Naruto spoke.
"Nice room ya got there Sasuke!" he commented brightly, the other boy turning to look at him suspiciously.
"Oh, no problem. But don't you think it's a bit, y'know… inappropriate to jerk off in front of your budgie?"
Pushing the fire scroll into the other's hand, Naruto saved Sasuke the pain of replying as he skipped off to join Sakura, leaving a very red Uchiha rooted to the spot on his doorstep.
Thanks for reading! Reviews would be much appreciated, just to say if you liked it or not – it's the first one-shot I've ever written, and I'm quite keen to know what you all think! I'll reply to any and all, of course. C:
Lots of love. x