Well, I guess I got distracted with…yaoi.
I think I may have an addiction.
I dedicate this chapter wholeheartedly to bleepbloopbanana. She helped get this shit over way.
Nerve Nineteen – The Incredulous
They really did go on strike.
And the moment the National Feminist Society got up to the front of the store, toting their signs and guns and fairly lethal purses, half the neighborhood had no idea what to do.
Sasuke just went up to unlock the door, handling it as calmly as anyone else wouldn't when faced with an unholy death squad of women/lesbians. But, this is expected, because it's Sasuke.
"Hey!" Sakura shouted, insulted. "Aren't you going to yell at us for getting in the way of the menfolk?"
The dark-haired teen yawned. "Lady, I'm gay. I really don't care for lesbian affairs."
"Why do you guys keep calling us lesbians?!" Ino demanded annoyingly.
Sasuke shrugged. "You ladies give off the aura of 'I like to kiss all the girls'." He opened the KFC's doors, turning around in a bored manner. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got a business to run. If you're going to have a picnic, I'd suggest you do it somewhere else."
And he closed the doors.
The three main participants looked at each other, incredulous.
"Did he just brush us off?" Sakura asked, disbelieving.
Ino stared at the closed glass door. "I…I think he did."
Ten-Ten held up her gun confidently. "Let's fuck their shit up," she suggested.
"Isn't that a little too harsh?" the pink-haired girl asked calmly. "I mean, all they've done is exist with a penis."
"Then do we need any other reason?"
Sakura thought about it for quite a while.
Then she lifted her own rifle.
"No, we don't."
"Then let's get dangerous."
A group of laughing voices interrupted their moment, and their male senses began sensing.
"—so I said, I really said, 'I love bananas', and he was all, 'Holy shit' and dropped his banana on the ground, running away!" Kiba exclaimed as he laughed about with Naruto, Shino, and Chouji, walking to work with a smile.
Naruto grinned. "What'd ya do?" he asked slyly. "Did you… just leave the banana there?"
"Leave it? I ate that sucker!"
Shino shook his head. "Literally."
"Okay…that…was kinda gay." The blond looked up, catching sight of yesterday's troublemakers. "Oh no… it's those lesbians."
"I'm shooting him down," Ten-Ten hissed angrily, attaching the silencer to the barrel. "I'm going to riddle that blond jerk with bullets!"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "I'd like to see you try," he taunted.
She took aim and shot off the rifle, gritting her teeth. Naruto touched his left ear, feeling a thick liquid slid down his fingers slowly.
He was shocked.
"Did you just shoot my ear?" he asked incredulously, covering his ear to stop the flow. "You just shot my fucking EAR!" He fell to his knees hissing in pain.
"Yeah I shot your ear!" the brunette retorted. She put the rifle back in its case on her back. "What're you gonna do about it?"
"Oh, I don't know, how about I call the POLICE?" Naruto replied angrily, still holding his ear.
"And why would they believe a lying bastard like you?"
"Because my ear is bleeding and there is gunpowder in my hair, you bitch!"
Kiba covered the angry teenager's mouth quickly, looking at the surrounding women in horror. "Dude," he whispered. "You don't call a member in a women's feminist movement a bitch. You just signed your own death wish!"
"Oh yeah?" Naruto snarled. "Well, fuck the death wish! All of you women are bitches!"
Shino pushed his sunglasses higher on the bridge of his nose, looking up at the sky. "It looks like rain in the distance…" he said cryptically.
The others all looked at the sky, which was obscenely cheerful and sunny, and scoffed at that crazy bug guy's statement.
"Kill him." Sakura hissed, aiming her gun. Naruto immediately paled, stepping back a bit.
"Hi Miss Nice Lady," he squeaked. "You do realize that I love all women and would never say anything like that, right?"
"But we heard it straight from your mouth!" some random woman in the crowd shouted.
Naruto laughed nervously. "Well, then would you believe that I suffer a severe case of schizophrenia and do not remember what my other personality might say or do?" he asked cautiously.
Sakura loaded the gun.
"I'll take that as a no."
Tears were trickling down Kiba's face as he made a cross on his chest. "Have I ever told you I hate your big mouth?" he whispered to the blond.
"No…but you have a perfectly good reason to."
Ino cocked an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?" she demanded. "We're only going to shoot up Blondie, not any of you losers. Unless…you want to stick up for him and get shot too."
Naruto looked at his friends hopefully.
Kiba was the first one to the door. "I love you long time, Naruto!" he called. "But, not that much!"
"Tell me if there's a KFC in Hell!" Chouji said as well.
Shino stood next to Naruto for a moment.
"Are you going to stick up for me, Shino?" the blond asked sweetly.
The black-haired teen readjusted his glasses. "The rain should wash away the blood…" and he walked into the KFC as well.
Naruto scowled. "Well fuck all of you!" he yelled. "With a mop! On a chair! Backwards!"
He felt sweat begin to bead on his forehead as a few more women cocked their guns in his direction. "Where did you lesbians get gun licenses from in the first place?!" he cried, stepping back once more.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Ten-Ten retorted, leaning her rifle on the ground.
"Well, at least you admit you're a lesbian." Naruto commented without really thinking.
Ten-Ten narrowed her eyes.
I didn't want to resort to this! "Sai, sai, sai!" Naruto cried to the sky, cowering on the ground and covering his face first and foremost.
"Did you call?" a light voice asked in amusement, the slim teenager materializing out of virtually nowhere.
Naruto looked up at him, blinking in disbelief.
"Did you seriously come here just because I called you?" he asked in amazement.
Sai smiled. "Why wouldn't I?" he retorted, holding out a hand to him. The blond grabbed the hand, lifting himself off the ground in relief.
"Oh, so you've brought back your little fag friend, hmmmm?" Ten-Ten asked, pursing her lips in annoyance. "I suppose we can allow you just this much, as it is twenty-nine women versus two boys."
"Oh sweetheart, how even said you had a choice?" the brunet replied sweetly, flashing his increasingly creepy smile.
Naruto looked around, frightened. "Dude, I wouldn't piss them off anymore if I were you… they look dangerous."
"Ah, well great thing you aren't me!"
And then he roundhouse kicked Ten-Ten in the jaw, sending her flying into the crowd of girls behind her.
"And God said, let the bitches fall as one, as many shalt follow in the end." Sai recited, cracking his leg ominously.
The KFC employee smiled. "Amen," he followed up.
"You can't do that!" the strong woman hissed, still on top of the pile of girls. "I'm a female! It's—"
"But—" Sai interrupted abruptly. "You could pass as a man quite easily."
"I'm going to murder you!"
Sai kicked up the forgotten rifle with his combat boots skillfully, smiling peacefully at Naruto. "I think you might want this," he stated, throwing the gun at the younger teen.
Naruto caught it awkwardly. "What am I going to fucking do with this?!" he cried, looking around in panic.
"Simple, anybody get's in your way, you shoot them."
"But, I can go to JAIL for that!"
Sai snorted. "It's like a female prison worth of women versus one boy. I totally think the judge wouldn't understand."
"Sarcasm, Foxy. Sarcasm."
"Are you two going to just stand there and argue, or are you going to fucking try and get by us?!" Ino demanded angrily, holding up her handguns.
"Go," the pale teen said, crossing his arms. "I do believe this will be beyond easy. I got into a fight with a lesbian when I was in eighth grade!"
"Did you win?" Naruto asked excitedly.
"Hell no. They pack some serious strength. BUT, I've always wanted a second chance, and this is it."
"Oh. Oh, well, uh, you have fun with this."
"Believe me, I will." Sai made a shocked face. "Oh my FREAKING Homosexual God, there's an extremely attractive woman over there!" He pointed overdramatically in some random direction, making the crowd look in said direction, including Naruto.
"I don't see any attractive women," he whined.
Sai pushed his face away so that he was facing the actual KFC. "There is no woman," he whispered calmly. "I like to call it a distraction. Now, run to the building! PLEASE!"
"Okay!" Naruto ran as quietly as possible, trying to not catch the attention of the women.
He accidentally stepped on a girl's foot, making her yelp and catch the attention of all the others.
"Hey!" Sakura shouted. "He's getting away!"
Sai's smile twitched. "I'm beginning to think you may be as dumb as you are hot," he commented.
"Sorry!" Naruto apologized nervously, his eyes squinting as he grinned. "I'll, uh, I'll be going…this way." And he ran inside the restaurant at an abnormal speed, catching everyone off guard.
"Foxy's just full of surprises, isn't he?" the artist mused aloud, tapping his chin with a smile.
The women turned to him. "Now all that's left is you!" Ten-Ten hissed.
Sai cocked an eyebrow. "Oh really?"
"No fucking way," another voice hissed from behind Sai.
Neji was revealed to be stepping out of his car, fixing his uniform with a scowl.
"What is this?" he asked irritated. "Whore Wars 2: The Lesbians Strike Back? Get the fuck out of my face!"
"You are a beautiful man, Manwhore." Sai remarked, taking a step back. "Even I wouldn't say something like that. Well, I would say something like that, but not in a situation where everyone has guns and purses."
"Yes, I know." Neji put his car keys in his pocket. "I'd like to go to work now, so could you get out of my way? The Red Light District is a few blocks down, and you're on the wrong corner."
"Did I ever mention how they have guns?" the pale teen asked with a smile.
Ten-Ten held up two hand pistols, scowling. "Looks like my good friend the WoMAN returns. Well, I've got something for YOU!" She cocked the guns.
The long-haired assistant manager smirked, holding up his hands and assuming a fighting stance. "You want some, dude?" he taunted mockingly. "Then come get some!"
"Well, I'll be going." Sai said, and he walked inside the KFC as well.
Sasuke glanced at him. "We're not open yet," he said.
"I'm not here to buy anything," the other teen assured.
"When are you ever here to buy anything?"
"Never, but that isn't the point. Where's Naruto?"
"He's in the back, getting his ear bandaged. I tried to kiss it better, but he pointed a gun at me unabashedly. Where the hell did he get that thing from, anyway?"
Sai grinned. "I have no idea." He walked up to the counter and jumped over it, thoroughly flashing Sasuke with a full view of his midriff.
The dark-haired manager looked away with a blush. "Why don't you take the initiative and put some damn clothes on?" he muttered.
"But I am wearing clothes."
"You can go to a beach and get sent right back out for being underdressed."
Sai huffed a laugh. "You're just jealous," he teased. He walked to the back, waving a hand at Sasuke.
"No I'm not—Hey! You can't go back there!" Sasuke scolded, moving away from his spot at the register.
Sai ignored him, passionately, and kept walking. In the back, next to the biscuit ovens, sat Naruto, nursing his poor ear that was bandaged but already stained red.
"Foxy?" the brunet asked carefully.
Naruto looked up at him, his eyes widening in shock.
"How did you escape them?" he demanded. "They have vaginas and guns and purses! It should've been damn near impossible!"
"Oh that's easy, I left Manwhore out there to fend for himself against the biggest bulldyke of them all."
Sasuke was horrified.
Then he smiled.
"I think Neji can handle it."
Several gunshots rang off outside.
Naruto stood up shakily, letting go of his ear. He faced Sai with a bright smile, his hands behind his back.
"Y'know what, Sai?" he asked cheerfully. "You're really awesome. I mean it, I kinda admire you now."
Sai blinked. "Um, thanks?" he replied uncertainly.
And Naruto kissed him, hands on his shoulders.
Sasuke looked on in undefined horror, eyebrows flying up.
The pale brunet was shocked, for a moment at least.
And he placed his hands on Naruto's shoulders as well, pressing himself closer to the younger teen.
"This is some real bullshit," Sasuke commented, looking at his nails in a way of distracting himself.
Naruto brought his face away from Sai's, grinning happily.
"Am I a good kisser or what?" he asked playfully.
Sai smiled back, letting go of Naruto's shoulders. "And what was that for again?" he questioned, crossing his arms.
"Oh, I just wanted to say 'thanks for saving my life' in the most intimate way possible. I mean, you did save me from a bunch of homicidal women." Naruto answered, scratching behind his head bashfully.
"Huh," Sai replied thoughtfully.
And then he threw his arms around Naruto's neck, kissing him passionately.
"More repayment then," he mumbled into the blond's mouth.
"So if I save his life, I can get something too?" Sasuke said aloud. "That's…somewhat not worth it, but I'll try anyway."
And Neji walked to the back, ignoring the two that were kissing fiercely, and went to the First Aid kit.
"D-did you win?" Sai asked, stopping the kiss for a moment.
Neji scoffed. "Of course, their guns were no match for my homosexual Kung-fu."
"So, why are you getting the First-Aid Kit?" Naruto asked a little breathlessly.
"Because I injured the girl, and my honor does not allow me to leave a female injured, lesbian or not."
"But your honor lets you beat up girls?"
"Yes. Yes it does. Especially lesbians."
Apparently, the logic made so much sense that Neji didn't even stay to reaffirm it. He walked away just as quickly as he came in, taking the kit with him.
The three stood there a little awkwardly.
Naruto fixed his wrinkled uniform nervously. "So, uh, want some chicken?" he asked shakily.
Sai smirked. "I think I'll take your cock instead."
"I walked right into that one," the blond muttered, blushing.
Sai pulled a small notebook out of his pants pocket, and scribbled something on a sheet of paper from it. "Here's my real number." He handed the paper to Naruto, who took it with a smile.
"No problem. Your kissing compensates."
Sasuke sighed. "I am so far behind in this race," he grumbled, walking back to the counter.
The other two looked at each other, and Naruto shrugged.
"I don't know what the hell he's talking about."
"But I do," Sai replied, smiling in the dark-haired teen's direction. He walked up to the manager, and tapped him on the shoulder.
Sasuke huffed. "If you're coming to brag, I'd kindly suggest for you to shut the fuck—"
Sai kissed him.
The two dark-haired teens stayed locked in that position for a moment, until Sasuke pulled away with a blush.
"Do you like to kiss all the boys?" he asked, irked.
Sai shrugged. "Only the hot ones."
This story should be ending in about ten, nine more chapters. Chapter that'll focus on the homosexuality that abounds the three boys!
And if you're going to bitch at me because the SasuSai moment…can it. I told you all several times that this was a threesome fic, not SasuNaru and SaiNaru. It's SasuNaruSai. THREE PEOPLE WTF?!