A/N: Although I didn't mention it in the summary is this heavily inspired by the canned sit-com Arrested Development... for those who didn't watch it (or currently watch it's syndication on G4 or watched the DVDs) it was a strange outrageous show about a family that went from riches to rags... two of my favorite episodes are Pier Pressure and Making a Stand... both of which involved lesion taught to the main character as a child though means of a one armed man have his fake arm ripped off though horrific ways like being hit by a car... I was thinking one day watching Pier Pressure "Maybe I should write a story involving Shanks doing that"... this also contains other references to the show including "The Charlie Brown Walk" (someone walking like Charlie Brown depressed while that sad song from the Christmas Special plays), ice cream sandwiches and my favorite... the chicken dance (that's one of the funniest things on the show...) well enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Arrested Development if I did... 4kids wouldn't have dubbed it and there would defiantly be a move in the works (which I hope there will be)...
And That's Why…
By Emma Iveli
Shanks should have known… the moment he landed on the island his fate was sealed… of course his old "friend" Oscar was on the island… Oscar wasn't as much as a friend as someone he lost multiple poker games to years ago and now has an incredible debt…
"So Oscar… what do you want me to do?" asked Shanks with a sigh.
"Well, you see I'm now a family man… and I would like to teach my kids lesions…" said Oscar, "And I would like you teach them the lesions…"
"You mean like a scared strait thing?" asked Shanks.
"No…" said Oscar who began to eye his recently missing limb, "I mean something else…"
"What?" asked Shanks who became increasingly uncomfortable…
Oscar whispered it to him... Shanks didn't know what to say, "What the hell is wrong with you!" he yelled.
"So you'll be paying back my money?" asked Oscar.
Shanks sighed… he didn't want to teach lesions like that… after all he lost his arm for real protecting a kid… but this was 10 times worse… but his debt was huge…
"Fine… I'll do it…" said Shanks.
Later he told the crew of his predicament… needless to say they were shocked…
"What kind of father is he?" asked Yasopp disgusted.
"I have no idea… but…" said Shanks, "The debt…"
"I feel sorry for those kids…" said Lucky Roux.
Few days later Oscar was leading his 4 kids around town, Mikey, Lisa, Barney and Jon…
"The milk would have been good… but someone had to leave it out…" said Oscar.
The kids weren't really paying attention… that's when Shanks wearing a fake arm walked by… Oscar "accidentally" bumped him into a dog (that was trained)… the dog ripped off the fake arm… and fake blood poured from the wake wound… on to the kids… the kids screamed in horror.
"Oh no… if only you hadn't left the out… then this poor man would still have his arm…" said Oscar.
"And that's why you don't leave milk out…" said Shanks.
All 4 kids were shaking… they now knew why not to leave milk out…
Afterwards Shanks confronted Oscar…
"Look… I don't care about my debt… I think what I did was awful… don't you know how I lost my arm?" asked Shanks.
"Oh so you're a chicken…" said Oscar.
"No it's just…" said Shanks.
That's when Oscar began to dance around like a some sort of bird while shouting "Chika chika chika!"
Shanks was confused… he didn't know how to react "Is that supposed to be a chicken?" he asked.
"Look I told you… you have to do that… or does that mean you're finally going to pay off your debt…" asked Oscar.
"Of all the islands on the way to the Grand Line… I had to stop at this one…" sighed Shanks.
A few days later Shanks (with another fake arm) was helping Oscar and the kids with one of those new fangled motor boats. The "held" a rope with the fake arm… it was really just tied on… the kids were behind Shanks yelled.
"I can't believe you did that!" yelled Lisa.
"I didn't do anything!" yelled Mikey.
"Why you hitting yourself? Why you hitting yourself…" said Jon doing that thing to Barney.
"Stop!" cried Barney.
"Tell em when you hit the gas!" said Shanks.
"I can't hear you the kids are yelling!" said Oscar.
"I said tell me when you hit the gas…" said Shanks.
"So you telling me hit the gas!" said Oscar.
"No! Don't hit the gas…" said Shanks.
Oscar hit the gas causing "Shanks to loose his arm" the fake blood flew and the kids stopped yelling they were horrified.
"And that's why you don't yell…" said Shanks.
The kids were shocked and pale… they now knew no to yell.
Later Shanks held his head down in shame… as he walked he could have sworn there was sad piano music playing…he turned around and yelled.
"Will you stop playing that!"
"Sorry but it's funny… especially with the way you were walking just now…" said the person playing the piano.
After many lesions Shanks finally had enough… that when he had a brilliant idea… he would get the kids to help him teach their father a lesion… however getting them together alone with him was hard so he had to resort to something would get their attention… ice cream sandwiches? Okaay… Shanks sat a table outside with all three 4 children eating ice cream sandwiches.
"So Mr. Shanks…" said Mikey.
"Just Shanks…" said Shanks.
"You hate the fact… that you doing lesions for our dad?" asked Mikey.
"Of course… I hate doing this… the only reason why I'm doing it is because I have debt with your dad…" said Shanks.
"I see…" said Mikey.
"You see the reason is I lost my arm saving a kid from a sea king…" explained Shanks.
All 4 kids were shocked… mostly because they thought of Shanks as some scary one armed guy… who would have thought he had a heart of gold…
"Okay here's the plan…" said Shanks.
A few days later it was time for another lesion… this time for not leaving notes…
"I could have bought more milk if someone just left a note… what is with you kids and Milk?" asked Oscar.
Oscar was going to accidentally bump into a pole that was supporting a near by canvas that would fall on Shanks' fake arm… however several masked gunmen showed up in the market place.
"Get down!" yelled one of the gunmen.
"What!" yelled Oscar.
"I said get down!" yelled the gunman.
"There's no I'm getting down!" yelled Jon.
"Shut up you idiot…" mumbled Oscar.
That's when the gunmen fired on Jon.
"Hey!" yelled Lisa.
They turned their attention towards the kids… Oscar was freaking out… Shanks saw this… well the last seconds of this…
"What happened!" he yelled.
"These men killed the kids! They killed the kids!" yelled Oscar freaking out.
"And that's why… you don't teach lesions to you kids…" said Shanks.
All the kids got up…
"You fell for it!" said Lisa.
What?" said Oscar.
"These guys are members of my crew…" said Shanks.
The masked gunmen removed their makes reveling to be Ben Beckman, Yasopp and someone unimportant.
"It was just blanks…" said Yasopp.
"Daddy! I want to stop these lesions…" said Lisa.
"If don't stop I'll mother…" said Barney.
"Please stop…" said Mikey.
"Okay…" said Oscar.
"I hope you learned your lesion Oscar…" said Shanks.
"Oh… I sure have…" said Oscar.
And so Shanks the left the island… a few weeks later Oscar met up with someone wanting work to pay for a restaurant… and some blonde kid he was with… this man also had recently lost a leg…
"So Zeff was it… I have the perfect job for you…" said Oscar.
And so the Moral of the Story… Idiots don't learn lesions…
A/N: I might have a sequel involving Zeff pending on how many good reviews and favs this story gets...