The Death of Haruhi Suzumiya

Just another day…

Chapter 1

Present day
The Hospital

"She's calling for you..."

The nurse, her face had grown sadder during the course of the night, spoke to me alone out of the rest of us. I could barely keep my eyes open as it were. I looked at her for a moment to check that I wasn't just hearing things. She'd nodded again to confirm what I heard was true. I tell her my thanks and I made my way to the room.

She didn't need to guide me, I already knew the way. I never liked like hospitals, the stale clinical air about them, that and my previous interment here all those months ago.

I look at the room number, 42, I still smile wryly at that. As I'm about to open the door, my hand hover over the doorknob, but I was hesitating.

I've never done this before... Hundreds of questions flashed through my head. How am I going to talk to her? Just act casual about it, pretend everything is normal? Maybe I should tease her or insult her to get some sort of rise out of her? Why did she call me? Are her parents still in there?

"Kyon, you idiot! Are you going to slouch outside forever?! I don't plan on waiting in here for the rest of my life for you to get the guts to face me!"

Damn, this door has a glazed window on it; she probably guessed it was me by my hair.

Well, it looks like my decision has been made for me. Act normal, and get annoyed at her.

I turned the knob and nonchalantly wave at her.

"Yo Haru-UMPH!"

These hospital pillows must be loaded with bricks or something, it really hurt...

"That's your penalty for keeping me waiting!"

Lightly throwing the extraneous pillow to the side, on top of a large pile of pre-thrown pillows, I try to put on a brave face on things, smiling tightly, whilst sitting in the seat closest to her bed.

"Well, at least your temper hasn't changed much, Haruhi."

She folded her arms as she sat up, her eyes betraying some form of wince. "Hmph! I need to keep my guard up around you. You're so lazy sometimes I wonder how you remember to come to the clubroom!"

I rolled my eyes for what must be the tenth time that evening, or is it morning now? I see her face twitching imperceptibly.

"You should lie down Haruhi..." I say in a tired voice. Despite everything, she still has the strength to defy all the doctor's orders.

I get up to help her down, as a chivalrous man would do to any girl in a situation like this. I promise I'm not going to grope her!

"Kyon... I warned you before. Don't help me..."

Stubborn as mule would be a perfect analogy for her, but even I don't think that metaphor is strong enough to illustrate her will. As Haruhi shifted her bodyweight about to lie down properly, I struggled to think of a suitable phrase.

In the end I lumped for 'immovable as Mount Fuji'.

As I stared closely at Haruhi's face, the sweat drops returning with a vengeance, I couldn't believe how suddenly things changed for the SOS Brigade, and the universe as a whole...

Two weeks ago
SOS Brigade Clubroom

Tuesday. Another boring day at school. Following my somewhat abysmal marks in the midterms, I was more than shocked to learn that Haruhi would be tutoring me until my scores were in the 95th percentile for Japan.

Despite esper boy Koizumi smiling inanely at us like usual, the sly bastard, he offered to help me. Human I may be, but I'm no genius to be able to learn all of this in a week!

"If you study hard, I'm sure that you could do it."

Shut up you smarmy git! The last thing I wanted was for him to be grinning at my consistent failures to grasp the basics of calculus, Japanese history, and memorising all ten thousand kanji.

"If you want, I can frown as well."

No, if you start doing that, I might just panic for the state of the world. Besides, the last thing I want is for my own head to be filled with useless crap I'll never need to use again, or worse, another 'manifestation' from my own poor results. If I see another Cave Cricket, or Soundworm, then I might just go insane. There can only be so many trips to that horrible barren world that one, as a human, can take.

Lucky for me, the angelic voice of our resident maid from the future piped up.

"Umm, I think Kyon-kun can study well enough on his own." Her nervous face was too adorably cute to miss out on. She smiled precariously at Haruhi, then looked at our monotone statue. "D-Don't you think so Nagato-san?"

Yuki Nagato. Alien. A human interface to a data originated life form. Even though outwardly she hadn't changed, out of all of us, she probably evolved the most throughout our adventures. She's still the same old quiet person, however having known her for a year almost, excluding the multiple trips to her past and alternate selves, I've grown attached to her, in my own unique way. Unlimited knowledge and power, at least until she invoked the IcePartition Data Restriction Protocol, restricting all access to temporal planes and upper level data manipulation. All that was needed to dissolve it was one password.

She looked up from her book; the cover had some strange pictures of space, with a wild looking ship on the outside. I shrugged it off, not really loving the sci-fi book scene that much. I could see her flick her eyes over to each member in the room. First Asahina-san, then Koizumi's closed eyes, Haruhi, our fourth member, then finally settling on me. The impassive and neutral gaze fluctuated marginally - did her pupils dilate somewhat? - and she looked at Haruhi.

"Data processing would be better achieved through individual personal study. Encouragement via teamwork might result in a negative effect from peer pressure and other such extenuating factors."

"Nahaha! Well Kyon's a bit slow at times, we'll just leave him be on his own, I'm sure he'll knuckle down and do some good work-sa!"

Ah yes, our fourth member, I forgot to mention her yet. As you can tell by her manic hyperactivity, second only to Haruhi - primarily due to the latter's effect on the universe - and her odd linguistic trait formed from her oversized childhood canine, thanks to a badly removed milk tooth, she is none other than Tsuruya-san. A beauty in her own right, although overpowered by Asahina-san's own quiet charm, she more than makes up for it with wild and enthusiastic ideas, all ironically eagerly lapped up by our SOS Brigade leader.

Oh yeah, she turned out to be from another parallel universe also. Turns out there are Haruhi's in the countless worlds she's visited, but in this universe only does she have this awesome power. She likes to stay in this one preferably; she has the ability to find a specific Earth, if only to have fun with our Haruhi.

I don't think I will ever be the same again after going to that world of opposites. Seeing me as a girl attracted to a male Asahina-san, and then I was infatuated with the smiling, and quite adorably intelligent, female Koizumi.

I repressed another shudder, and forced myself not to look at Koizumi for the umpteenth time, lest some unsettling thoughts settle in my mind.

So there we have it, Tsuruya-san, slider. Just what we wanted, more freaks to fill up this clubroom.

"Hey! Don't call me a freak! I'll show you!"


While being manhandled by Tsuruya was not something far from my dreams, her voluptuous breasts squeezing against my back, I tried not to smile in bliss, for I had someone else closer to my heart.

That, and Haruhi was staring at me, her evil grin widening as if knew exactly what I was thinking.

Hmm, it's getting darker... Oh yeah, I forgot that Tsuruya-san was also insanely strong, that neck choke hold she has on me is a little too effective, and only now have I realised that I hadn't taken a breath for twenty seconds.

"U-Umm... Tsuruya-san, I think Kyon-kun is passing out again..."

"Ahh... Sorry about that..."

The green-haired girl released me, and precious carbon dioxide particles flooded into my lungs once more.

Wait a second, isn't carbon dioxide the stuff that is expelled from my lungs? And are they particles, or molecules? Perhaps I do need to brush up on my chemistry as well, if only to make my internal dialogue accurate.

"Yeah, I'll spend some extra time on my own studying at home, I promise to improve my marks by 50 percent!"

Haruhi probably sensed my false enthusiasm and countered it with the truth, as she saw it.

"Now, now Kyon. Don't go overestimating your limited abilities." I lowered my head guiltily, awaiting the inevitable instruction from her for the first study group date. "However, I suppose that everyone is right, you should get a chance to prove yourself first before you are graced with my superior form of education." Images of a whip and a cackling Haruhi force-feeding me hallucinogenic drugs chilled me to the bone. "So, you should work on your lonesome, but I won't accept failure! Improve your marks by 25 percent, or else!"

I gulped. That was a big ask of her, maybe I will need some help after all. Asking Nagato would be out of the question, while her knowledge was unparalleled, it would take far too long to get her to explain it to me in layman's terms. Asahina-san, bless her, despite her knowledge of the future, doesn't seem to have any common knowledge of things like buoyancy. Besides, she probably learned all this when she was like five years old. Tsuruya-san, well, the less said about the way she teaches people, the better.

I guess I'll just stick with grinning Koizumi. At least he offered to help me, if only to acquiesce to Haruhi.

"I'll try my best..." I smiled half-heartedly at her.

"Good!" She stood up and put her hands on her hips. "Now, for our Saturday analysis, since we didn't talk about it on Monday I'll -"

The sudden silence made me look up from examining the grain in the wooden table; it wasn't like her to stop so abruptly.

Her eyes seemed confused, as her chest puffed out slightly. She brought her hand up to her mouth and coughed hard once, then two short ones, presumably to clear her throat. She looked at her hand in mild disgust, before widening momentarily.

"One sec..." She pulled out a tissue from her computer desk; where was she keeping that box? She wiped her hands off and threw the used paper in the bin.

Standing up again, after checking her fingers over again and rubbing her throat for good measure, she spoke on, her tone a tad more serious than usual. I resumed my usual position of abject boredom.

It was just three simple coughs, utterly forgettable in the world scale of things.

However, simple and forgettable do not apply to Haruhi Suzumiya.

I should have seen it coming, everything we've been through together has been building up to this, but it was already too late.

The universe was changing for the last time...

Author's Notes

Different fandom for once. Had this though in my head, and love reading the novels of Haruhi, hence have decided to end the series the only way I believe it can. Writing this in the form of the novels was great fun, the internal monologue by Kyon sometimes heard by others, and sometimes not.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed it!

- J