Author's Note(s): Sorry I haven't updated. My grandfather became ill a few months ago. I wish I could say he improved, but he sadly passed away not too long ago. So, things have been rather crazy. I'm still trying to write, and I thought I'd update this story. I hope you readers enjoy. Kim Possible is owned by Disney and Marvel and Disney owns the Hulk, Avengers, and all the other Marvel characters.
Two, then three Hummers exploded in massive fireballs as the repulser turrets surrounding Stark Industries headquarters engaged the large battalion of troops being led by General Thadius "Thunderbolt" Ross. Several vehicles were thrown into reverse to get a safe distance away as the turrets, as well as Tony Stark himself in his Iron Man suit, engaged the troops. Several sonic based weapons were the first to be hit as the battle began before Tony took out a few transports just to show he meant business. All the soldiers were hunkered down for cover and were firing all their weapons on Stark and the turrets. However, their rifles proved that they were having little to no effect on the alloy that the turrets were composed of. A few stray bullets would strike the sensors and cause them to pause for a brief moment before they would start locking onto targets and firing again. Tony wasn't trying to hurt or kill any of the troops, but he was doing his best to at least scare them or knock them unconscious by blasting as close to them as he could.
While his systems were trying to find weak points in Ross' defense, he failed to notice one soldier that had risen from behind a transport with a bazooka. He took a deep breath as he tried to ignore all the sounds of chaos and destruction around him as he aimed, held his breath, and pulled the trigger. The soldier watched the smoke trail of the small rocket head straight toward Iron Man and explode against the side of his helmet. The explosion caused him to fall, but he was able to regain his balance before hitting the ground as his vision blurred and began to double.
"Jarvis, I'm a little blind here!" Tony said as his HUD systems were starting to short slightly as he tried to force his vision to focus.
"The explosions damaged the visual display. I'm currently rebooting the system." The computer program said.
"Make it fast, Jarvis. I don't need to be blind in a fire fight." Tony said as the HUD quickly rebooted and allowed him to see the mayhem that was happening around him. As he spun around, he saw two of the remaining sonic cannons come on-line before it hammered him down to the ground. "RHODIE! I NEED A LITTLE HELP OUT HERE!" Tony shouted into his comm. system.
"I'm on my way. I'm still trying to get used to this thing."
"You've piloted my armor before!"
"Except this thing weighs a ton!" Rhodes said as he finally launched himself into the air and tried his best to navigate his way towards the fire fight.
The armor was tough, but he knew it would have its limits. It wouldn't be too much longer before the suit's systems would begin to malfunction. It would function for as long as Tony would want it to. However, if too many key systems were damaged then the suit would go into automatic shut down in order to try and preserve its core systems. Not to mention to try and preserve as much power in the arc reactor that sat inside Tony's chest. His HUD display was starting to crack as his ear drums began to ach. There was a good chance they were fixing to rupture at any moment.
"Rhodie!" Tony screamed.
No sooner had those words escaped Tony's lips, one of the sonic tanks exploded as a heavily armed set of black and gray Iron Man armor landed in the middle of the street. The street now had a small crater as the new armor stood and looked at the surroundings with glowing red eyes as a shoulder mounted mini gun took aim and several small missle compartments opened and primed themselves.
"War Machine is ready to rock and roll." The bass heavy digitized voice said as the figure raised its arms and several guns inside the massive wrist gauntlets began to fire while the mini gun focused and another set of targets to the right. Meanwhile, several of the small missiles launched and took out three armored vehicles.
"Sir! He's taking out the armor before we have a chance to use it!" One soldier shouted as he took cover from another vehicle exploding.
"I don't care what it takes, but I want those damn guns out of commission!" Ross shouted.
"Yes, sir!" the soldier said as he grabbed his radio that was attached to his uniform and started to speak into it. "Sir! Alpha and Bravo teams have been able to find two weak points in the wall. They have explosives ready. They just need a chance to plant them."
The old General began to think and let all his years of combat guide him. So far, the automated cannons weren't letting up. Stark was momentarily down, but that wasn't much help. Then he remembered the cannons and how they reacted to when their sensors were shot. "Tell them to get ready to blow that wall open." Ross shouted to the soldier next to him.
"Yes, sir! Bravo team! Alpha team! Get ready to breach the wall!"
"Tell all the men to focus their fire on the cannons sensors. Don't stop until those teams are inside the wall." Ross ordered.
Soon, every single soldier followed Ross' orders to the letter. A broad smile began to cross his face as he saw the cannons freeze and try to re-align themselves. Thanks to the constant barrage of bullets, they were unable to begin firing again. Stark might be a smart ass, but a high IQ didn't usually beat years of experience in live combat. "Tell them to breach now!" Ross ordered.
All the men continued to fire at the sentry towers, not letting up until Ross' ears heard something. It was scattered, but some of the gunfire had stopped. They were reloading! It was long enough for the sentry's to bring the sensors back on-line and continued to open fire. Many of his men scattered and looked for cover while others were flying end over end from the impact of the blast.
"Damn it all to hell! Tell me that both teams were able to plant their charges."
"Affirmative, sir. They're just waiting for your order."
"The order is given."
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Came the cry of several soldiers before they hit the detonators.
The outer wall surrounding Stark Industries had been breached as both teams went in opposite directions. Their next goal was infiltrate Stark HQ. Once inside, Alpha team would try and deactivate the automated systems outside while Bravo team was to look for the targets and apprehend them at all costs. Once both were finished, they would then regroup at the main entrance where they would be extracted. As Bravo team moved within Stark HQ, they found no resistance. The thought they would find at least a few security guards or something to block their way, but there wasn't anything. It would appear that Stark had everyone evacuated from the building after all. After some time, all the soldiers noticed that they could still hear the turrets outside firing. They thought Alpha team would have found something to deactivate them by now. It was risky to risk radio contact if there was anyone else in the building, but they wouldn't be able to leave if Starks defenses were still up and running.
"Alpha, this is Bravo. What's your progress?" the lead soldier, Marcus, asked and was rewarded with nothing but static. "Repeat Alpha, what is your progress? I need a sit rep now." He said firmly into the radio and still heard nothing but static.
"Anything wrong, sir?" a soldier asked.
"Something doesn't feel right. Be on guard, safeties off." He said as they slowly and cautiously began moving forward.
All of them were nervous and muscles were tense as they moved. All did their best to breathe nice and slow as they made their way through the building. They needed to find a working terminal and figure out where the targets were most likely being held. It wasn't long until they came to one of the office levels that housed several cubicles and a few offices.
"You hear that?" one soldier by the name of Travis, young and fairly new to the team, asked as he froze.
"Heard what?" Marcus asked.
"I-I heard something move behind that cubicle, sir." He said as sweat began to pour down his face as he faced the cubicle wall in front of him.
"You're just hearing things." Another soldier, Kravitz, in the back said.
"Can it, Kravitz! This is Stark's house, he may have it booby trapped. Travis, check it out." Marcus said.
"Yes, sir." He said as he began moving toward the cubicle. Despite his best efforts, his breathing was accelerating. His grip on his rifle tightened as he stepped closer and closer. He gasped and froze in place when something appeared at the top of the wall, forcing him to shine his light on it. Confusion swept through Travis and the rest of the men when they saw it was a stuffed doll of Kenny from South Park as it started to move about and make muffled noises like it was trying to talk.
"What the hell?" Marcus asked.
"This has got to be someone's idea of a joke." Kravitz said to himself. All of the men jumped when Travis fired a round and blew the doll's head off, sending various pieces of cotton floating through out the room. Travis shook as he turned to face his fellow officers and swallowed the lump in his throat.
"It was freaking me out." He said to them. When he turned back to the cubicle, he saw what was left of the doll hanging on the top of the wall when another South Park doll, Stan, appeared at the side.
"Oh my God! You killed Kenny!" it said in a high squeaky voice. Then a man, with various weapons, hand grenades, knives, a military style utility belt, two katana swords, and wearing a red and black skin tight body suit appeared from behind the cubicle wall. He wore a red mask that covered his face with two large black circles around both eyes as he leveled a sawed off double barrel shotgun directly in Travis's face. "You bastard." He growled as he pulled the trigger and watched the young soldier's head explode in a mass of blood, bone, and flesh. He stood there, eyes wide with surprise, as he looked down at the weapon in his hand that was slightly covered in blood. "Shit! I thought that was a lighter." He said to himself
"How could you possibly think that was a lighter?"
"It lit the gas burner in the apartment the other day."
"And blew the building half to hell."
"But you've got to admit that the explosion was pretty cool."
"If I could, I would staple your mouth shut."
"We're voices in our head, we don't have mouths. And you call me the moron?"
"Speaking of morons. Aren't there several heavily armed soldiers in front of us?"
"Are there?" the masked man said as he looked up and saw several very angry military soldiers aiming their rifles directly at his head with the safeties off. "I'll be damned, there are. PLAY TIME!" he shouted as he dropped the shotgun, reached for the machine guns at his side, and opened fired as he began darting around the room.
The soldiers opened fire at the red clad mercenary as he began to duck behind various cubicle walls and kept his own guns trained on them. The hailstorm ob bullets shredded and tore through the cubicle walls as well as anything behind them. The masked man used various things around him, including the water cooler, as cover as he took down two more officers before he had to drop the clips to his weapons and reload as he ducked into an office. Several shots pierced through the wall he was leaning against, with one being only half an inch from his head.
"That was too close!"
"We can't die, remember?"
"Except I had a killer headache for a few months the last time I got shot in the head." He said as he stood to his feet.
"That's because the bullet was still in our head."
"I remember. Remind me to find whoever did that and shoot them in the dick."
"That was also us."
"Oh, yeah! Wolverine was going on and on about something boring."
"How about we get back to the fire fight?"
"Right." The mercenary said as he reloaded his guns and darted across the office while taking out one more shoulder and wounded another in the arm before he dashed into another office. "Ha! Deadpool 4 and a half, losers zero. And I haven't even been hit once."
"Then what caused the holes in your costume? Moths?"
Deadpool looked down and saw that there were indeed several bullet holes all over his costume.
"Let's see. One, two . . . fourteen? Aw, come on! Do you know how much it costs to get these things custom made?" Deadpool asked out loud.
Another shot came through the wall again, but in between his legs. Had it only been a few millimeters higher, it would have shot something he was very fond of and really didn't want to find out if it would grow back or not. He quickly looked down to make sure he wasn't hit before raising his head and felt another bullet fly through the wall and through his jaw. As the bones began to knit and the skin re-grow, his eyes narrowed. If these little bitches wanted to play dirty, he was he to say no? "That's it. No more Mister Nice Assassin." He said to himself.
"HOPE YOU LIKE PINEAPPLE SURPRISE!" he shouted as he tossed four grenades at the troops before ducking for cover. A massive blast of heat and debris shook the entire room and everything around it as the mercenary covered his ears for a moment. After the ringing in his ears stopped, caused from being so close to the explosion, and he dusted off the plaster from the ceiling falling apart, he took a quick look around the corner. He quickly returned to the room he had been hiding in and kept a hand over his mouth as he looked ready to puke. He slowly raised a sign that said 'Is there a doctor reading this story?' He then turned it around where it read 'Or at least someone with a big ass mop and bucket?'
Inside the secured lab, Ron, Kim, and Bonnie could hear the large fire fight going on outside. The building slightly shook and the lights began to flicker slightly with every other explosion. It was safe to say that there nerves were starting to get the better of them. As the building shook even more so than before, they saw that several of the control panels within the lab began to light up like the New York City Christmas Tree.
"That can't be good." Ron said to himself.
"Miss Rockwaller, I'm afraid things have taken a slight shift." Jarvis said to them over the intercom.
"In who's favor?" Bonnie asked.
"The military. But do not worry. Mister Stark programmed me with numerous protocols in case such an event occurred." The computer said to them as several more control panels began to come to life.
"Are you sure?" Fury asked into his comm. link that was linked back to SHIELD HQ.
"Positive, Colonel. Stark's perimeter has already been breached, and it looks like his defenses are taking one hell of a beating." Wade said.
"Damn it!" Fury cursed as he turned to his team behind them as they did a few more last minute checks on their gear. "We've got bad news. Ross' troops are getting the upper hand, and Stark may not be able to hold out too much longer."
"Just give me ten minutes with them, Fury." Logan said as he extended his claws.
"These are American soldiers, Logan. So when I say this, it goes to all of you. Spare their lives. Do not kill unless you absolutely have to." Fury said as he looked directly at Wolverine and Hawkeye.
"Don't look at me, Cyclops. I can follow an order." Hawkeye said as he made sure his nose had stopped bleeding and glanced at Shego.
"Keep looking at me like that, and Fury won't be the only one wearing an eye patch." Shego said.
"I'll keep an eye on him." Rogers said.
"Then make sure he s out of my sights." Shego said as he loaded one of her pistols and ignited one of her hands.
"Stark's informed me that his computer's are evacuating Stoppable and the others as we speak. We just need to give them time to get out of there and away from here. Now, move out!" Fury ordered.
Rogers was the first to the hatch and immediately saw Ross ducking behind a large Hummer. As Rogers leapt out of the chopper, Rogers aimed and let the shield on his arm fly. As Logan followed behind him with his claws extended. "Just like in the old days!" Logan shouted.
"Except you didn't have those can openers then." Rogers said as they landed.
"I know. Would've been a hell of a lot more fun!" Logan said as he rushed a soldier and sliced his weapon into four pieces.
"Sir, we've been able to disable almost half of the turrets, but we've lost contact with Alpha Team." Ross' second said to him as he ordered a small portion of soldiers to try and flank War Machine through the walkie talkie.
"What about Bravo Team?" Ross asked.
"They've infiltrated the base and are doing a sweep. They haven't found the targets yet."
"Try and re-establish contact with Alpha, and I want a constant update of Bravo's status." Ross said.
As soon as the soldier stepped away, Ross saw a large object strike him in the middle of his back and knock him down before it hit the vehicle Ross was squatting behind and away. Ross looked up in time to see several figure's engaging his men, and overpowering them with ease. His eyes widened when he saw a man in a red, white, and blue uniform catch the object that was a large and circular that red, white, and blue shield with a large white star in its center.
"Damn it to hell and back!" Ross shouted.
"Sir, we're under attack! What are your orders?" a voice asked through his walkie-talkie. Ross looked up one more time and saw a large blonde man hovering in the air and holding a large glowing hammer. He raised the weapon in the air and massive dark clouds began to form above him. He saw the clouds begin to glow within themselves as lightning began to form before they touched down. With accurate, and unfathomable, precision, the lightning bolts struck several more of Ross' soldiers and rendered them unconcioius.
"This changes nothing! I want those targets in custody before the sun rises. Shoot to kill if you have to!" Ross ordered. He knew he was up against Fury and his team now, but he had orders. Unless his superiors told him otherwise, he was going to fulfill them to the letter. Even if it meant that he had to take out every single one of the so called Avengers to do it.
"Well, crap." Deadpool said as he looked as the massive metal door in front of him. Just by first glance, he knew there were several locks in place that he couldn't even guess how they worked. And what was worse, he needed to be on the other side of the stupid thing. "This sucks."
"How about we go home and have a shit load of Mexican food?"
"How about Chimmichungas wrapped in pancakes?"
"I meant about the door."
"Screw the door. I'm hungry."
"We're being paid to get who's on the other side. Remember?"
"Are you kidding? I'm lucky that I remember to take a piss in the morning. But, how are we going to get past this thing?"
"According to the Junior Woodchuck's Guide Book, we blow it up with a lot of C4."
"WAIT! Not too much. We don't want to kill who's on the other side."
"Okay. So we'll only use half." Deadpool said as he placed several charges on the door. He backed up until he was at the other end of the hallway, covered his nuts with his left hand, and triggered the explosives with the controller in his right hand.
The force of the explosions caused the door to bend inward as it flew from its place. It sailed across the massive room in an arc before crushing into several control panels, monitors, and embedding itself into the thick wall before it fell over onto the floor. Smoke still filled the room where the door once stood as the red clad mercenary entered with a sword in one hand and an oozy in the other.
"All right. Cue the fanfare and strike a pose!" he said as he stood like a famous hero in ancient myth, or the headliner of a comic book. "I said strike a pose and cue the music." He said louder as the smoke began to clear. "Hello? Anyone there?" he asked. As the smoke finally cleared, he saw that he was the only one standing in the control room. "What the – son of a - What the fu – AH, COME ON! AFTER A COOL BIG ASS EXPLOSION LIKE THAT, NO ONE'S HERE TO BASK IN MY AWESOMENESS?! WHAT A LOAD OF HORSE SH,"
"Excuse me." Jarvis said as a holographic image of a humanoid appeared. "This is private property. You should leave before the authorities are alerted."
"Is that thing actually serious?"
"Have you looked outside lately?" Deadpool asked it. "Wait a minute."
"Dude, why did it just get so bright in here?"
"It looks like a light bulb just popped on inside our head. Wait, did he just come up with an idea? By himself?!"
"Holy crap! Miracles do happen!"
"You're the computer, right?"
"Affirmative." Jarvis said.
"That means you know what happened to the people that were in here. Where did they go?" Deadpool asked.
"I'm not at liberty to say." Jarvis said.
"You want to play it that way? Fine." Deadpool said as he pulled out an automatic hand gun and fired randomly into several consoles. "How about now, Hal?" he asked as the hologram began to flicker.
"I-I am n-n-n-not at liber-r-r-r-rty to say." Jarvis said.
"Smooth move, genius."
"You know what? SCREW IT!" Deadpool screamed as he took out a grenade, shoved it into one of the holes the bullets made, and left the control room before the console blew in a blast of fire and shrapnel.
"How do we find them now?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson." Deadpool said, doing his best to sound like a snooty British man. "This is a fan fiction story. So unlike out comic books, we just wait until the reader gets to the next paragraph." Deadpool said smugly.
"Wow! Two ideas in one day!"
"I do have to admit, I am impressed. But what if the reader has to go take a crap or something else to do. Like right now."
"Say what?" Deadpool asked as he noticed no one was on the other side of the monitor. "Where did they go? WHERE DID THE READERS GO?! DAMN IT, GET BACK HERE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I'M GOING TO LOOSE IF I BLOW THIS CONTRACT?! I'LL TELL EVERYONE YOU LIVE IN YOUR PARENT'S BASEMENT AND STILL WET THE BED IF YOU DON'T SCROLL DOWN RIGHT FREAKING NOW!" Deadpool screamed.
Bonnie, Ron, and Kim emerged from a hidden door inside the office of Pepper Pots and cautiously scanned the corridor outside. (Pepper Pots, huh? Where's my stinking iPhone at? I know it's got the map of the building in it. Here we go!) Everything seemed calmed and clear, with the exception of the ongoing fire fight outside. Slowly, they exited the office and began to walk through the hallway of various offices as they heard various explosions. (Let's see. Damn it, why didn't I upgrade? Office, office, ah-ha! Got it! Have no fear, Deadpool is . . . . crap! Wrong office! I wanted Pepper Pots, not . . . . Happy Hogan? Who the hell names their kids Happy? Seriously?!)
"All right, Bonnie. Where to next?" Ron asked as they made their way through the offices.
"According to Jarvis, there's an old lab beneath the Arc Reactor that powers this place. It's a converted bomb shelter. If we can get down there, we can follow an old escape route that was put there." Bonnie said as they made sure the coast was clear. That was when the windows shattered as pieces of what looked to be a Ford Mustang crashed into the middle of the room and began to burn.
"If we can make it that far." Kim said as she and Ron looked out the window and saw Iron Man and War Machine still fighting as they hovered in the air. "I can see some of the guns have been knocked out. There's also holes in the walls. We might be getting company soon. Bonnie?" Kim asked, making Ron look up as well. Both gulped as they saw several men with machine guns aimed at all three of them.
"Alert the General that we've found the targets." The leader of the troops said.
"Any ideas, K?" Bonnie asked.
"Not unless you two want to Hulk out." Kim said.
"I don't think that's such a good idea." Ron said, really not wanting to turn into his alter ego.
"Actually, I think that's a great idea." Bonnie said as her eyes began to turn green and her size began to increase, causing the soldiers to switch the safeties on their weapons off. Faster than what the soldiers were expecting, Bonnie grabbed two soldiers and slammed them together before tossing them through a wall. Several began to open fire, making Kim and Ron duck for cover. Bonnie quickly slammed her fist into the ground, causing the soldiers to loose their balance as the floor shook.
"I need to help her. Kim, hit me." Ron said.
"I'm not going to hit you."
"Kim, I need to hulk out. Hit me!" Ron shouted. Instead of a slap to the face like he was expecting, Kim slammed her knee into his crotch as hard as she could. "A punch would have worked." Ron moaned as his eyes turned green.
"Sorry." Kim said as Ron stood and his muscles began to expand.
"Focus. Focus." Ron growled as he opened his eyes and his shirt began to rip away while the soldiers regained their footing.
A large explosion erupted behind the soldiers, knocking most of them off their feet again while Kim, Ron, and Bonnie tried to shield themselves from the debris. When they looked up, they saw a man in a red and black bodysuit stepping through the missing wall as he dusted himself off. His entire face was covered by a red mask with two large black circles around the eyes.
"Let's face it. I'm not the only one with a little bit of shit in their pants right now, am I?" he asked them.
"Who the hell is this guy?" One of the soldiers asked as the others stood to their feet while one just continued to lay dead on the floor and burn to a crisp.
"Who the hell am I?" the man in the bodysuit asked as he drew a pistol. "WHO THE HELL AM I?" he screamed and started walking forward and punched one soldier in the face before kicking another in the crotch. "My name is Wade freaking Wilson." he said as he pistol whipped another soldier in the face. He shot another in the leg, grabbed him by the scruff of his uniform and threw him into another soldier and sent both falling over a railing and down two stories to the ground below. " A.K.A The Merc with a Mouth." he said he swept the legs out from underneath two more soldiers and walked on the face of one of them and shout the knees of the last standing soldier before kicking him in the face and stomping on one of his wounds as soon as he was down. "A.K. freaking A, DEADPOOL!" he shouted as he tried to catch his breath.
"Smash?" Ron said, confused at the red and black man in front of him.
"Not yet." Bonnie said.
"All right. You three better be the ones I'm looking for. Otherwise, I am really going to be . . HELLO TITZILLA!" Deadpool shouted as he saw Bonnie in her She-Hulk form. Mainly, his eyes went straight to the ripped shirt that was barely covering her now very ample cleavage.
"Wowwie wow, wow, wowzers! It's the Mount Everest of boobies!"
"They're like soft ample mounds of perfection!"
"We thank thee Lord for the bountiful gift of plentifullness we are about to receive."
" Amen! Amen! Amen!"
"My eyes are up here, you know." Bonnie growled as Deadpool kept closely starring at her cleavage.
"Yeah, we'll order pizza or something." He said as the mouth area of his mask became damp from drooling so much.
"Excuse me!" Kim shouted, getting the merc's attention.
"What?!" Deadpool moaned.
"What are you doing? Are you here to kill us?" she asked him.
"Oh, that. Actually, some dickhead hired me to make sure I get your butts out of here in one piece. But the jolly green hottie's boobs are an added bonus." As he stood next to Bonnie and tried to put his arm around her.
"Not even." she said in a disgusted tone as she pushed him aside. "Let's just try and get to the Arc Reactor like Jarvis told us."
"One little problem, sugar tits." Deadpool said as he pulled out his phone. "I hacked the security of this place. And according to this, the reactor is flooded with a bunch of army goons."
"Smash and bash!" Ron growled.
"It looks like we'll have to." Bonnie said.
"As fun as that sounds, it might not be such a good idea. And coming from me, that's saying something." Deadpool said as another soldier tried to get up, but sat on his face and let out a huge fart. "Guess I shouldn't have had so many burritos." Deadpool said as the soldier screamed and the three in front of them grimaced.
"Is there another way out of here?" Kim asked the masked man in front of her.
"Maybe. Plans aren't really my specialty. Let's see." Dead pool said as he looked at his phone. As he did so, the soldier beneath him began to struggle and force Deadpool off of his face. With a groan of frustration, Deadpool placed the barrel of his pistol against the soldier's crotch. "Lay still or become a chick. Your choice." He said and smiled as the soldier began to lay still. "Much better." Deadpool said as he went back to his phone. "Well, I've got good news and bad news. Good news, I've found us an escape route."
"And the bad?" Bonnie asked as she forced the masked man to look her in the face and not at her chest.
"We have to go up to the roof. Luckily, old one-eyed snake and his team of super clowns are here and can probably give you a lift out of here." Deadpool said.
"Back into SHIELD hands." Kim said to herself.
"We might not have any other choice. We've tried to find a cure, but not even Tony can help us. Fury can keep us safe. It's better than being a lab rat for the rest of our lives." Bonnie said.
"She's got a point. Trust me. I let the military experiment on me and I went bat-shit crazy. But I did get an awesome regenerative ability." Deadpool said.
"Huh?" Ron asked.
"I can't die. Watch." Deadpool said as he placed the gun to the side of his head and blew his brains out in a mass of brain and blood.
"Sweet Jesus!" Bonnie screamed as Ron and Kim leapt back in fear. The trio stood in shock and silence for a few moments before they saw Deadpool stand up and saw the wound in his head heal itself.
"See?" he asked.
"Thank you, God! Fresh air!" the soldier shouted.
"Shaddup!" Deadpool shouted and kicked the soldier in the head and causing him to become unconscious. "Where was I? Oh, right. Move it or loose it! Up, up, and away!" Deadpool said as he started to head upstairs.
"Wrong comic book company entirely."
"Who asked you?"
"We're not really going to follow this guy, are we?" Kim asked.
"Look at it this way. If we get into a shootout, we can use him as a human shield." Bonnie said as she began to follow with Ron and Kim reluctantly following.
"What about the other soldiers?" Kim asked.
"I left them a nice going away present." Deadpool said. As soon as they were heading to the floor above them, the soldier Deadpool had farted on began to wake up. As he did, he heard something beeping and saw a flashing light on his crotch. When he looked down, he saw that someone had taped a small explosive charge to him.
"help." He whimpered before he and the rest of the floor exploded.
Every single piece of equipment they had brought to capture the Hulk and the She-Hulk was now either on fire or nothing more than a twisted mess that was hardly recognizable. Most of their vehicles were now destroyed, and he had suffered several casualties. How many were fatalaties, he didn't know. All he knew was that what was left of his forces were standing behind him nursing wounds and sore egos. In front of him was Colonel Fury himself. Standing behind him was Iron Man and War Machine, both looking like they had obviously been in a serious fight, a winded Black Widow, a smiling Hawkeye, Thor with a look of contempt and possibly sad that the fight was already over, and Wolverine who looked like he was doing his best to calm down with his fists and forearms covered in drying blood spatter and a nasty gash on the side of his face that was healing faster than anyone could blink. Never had General Ross been so tempted to shoot a superior officer in his career. That included the hell his drill sergeant had put him through during basic training.
"General." Fury said.
"You've kicked a hornet's nest, Fury. Those things inside Stark's could give America the edge its military needs."
"I might have one eye, but it looks like I'm the only one seeing clearly. If anyone got a hold of the secrets that are in the Hulk's DNA, then the world as we know it would cease to exist. The last thing it needs is to be in the hands of a bunch of power obsessed, paranoid idiots like your bosses." Fury growled.
"They care about this government's safety!" Ross shouted.
"The hell they do! They only care about is the money they think could make from selling the Hulk as a weapon and not care about who gets hurt in the process, or as a result!" Fury spat. "My superiors are already being alerted to this little tiff between you and Stark, as well as the local news. When your superiors see the mess you made, what do you think will happen to you?" Fury asked and fought a smile from forming as he saw Ross's face turn a deep purple.
"This isn't over, Fury. As long as that thing exists, I'll be right behind him with a knife to skin him with." Ross growled. "Fall back! Return to base!" Ross said as he and his men turned and began to leave.
"Good thing he didn't call your bluff." Hawkeye said.
"Who said I was bluffing?" Fury said as he turned to Stark. "You actually did something right today, Stark. There may be hope for you after all. You need help with this mess?"
"Jarvis lost his link to the main computers. So the more help I can get, the better." Stark said.
"First thing's first. Where's Stoppable and the others?" Shego asked.
"They should be,"
They heard a loud crash as a part of the top floor of Stark's office was destroyed. As they turned to see what had happened, they saw something the size of a man falling twelve stories as it screamed "IT WAS SO WORTH IT!" The figure landed on the ground with a loud thud and was followed by silence. That was when they saw two larger figures leap from the building as the voice they heard earlier began shouting "I'M ALIVE! OH, THANK YOU SWEET"
The sudden landing of the large figures stopped the shouting before they leapt off out of sight and into the distance, leaving the team of super beings stunned.
"What in the world was that?" Rhodes asked.
All was dark and still, save for the sounds of fighting going on outside the building. Every so often, a bolt of lightning would flash by the widows and give brief illumination to the darken corridors and rooms. The four wonderers had just entered the upstairs research labs and were doing there best to keep quiet. For the one clad in red and black, this was easier said then done. Even more so when he had voices in his head that refused to shut up at times. And given his actions so far, his three companions were doing their best to keep a safe distance from him.
"Oooooh. So many shiny-shiny things." He said as he looked at all the machinery and dives around him.
"Push a button! Push a button! We could win a Bizillion bucks!"
"Don't touch a thing! For all we know, one of the things could give us explosive diaria as soon as we touch it."
"That would be a shitty experience." Deadpool said as he continued to move.
"This guy is nuts." Kim said.
"I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. But until we can find a way to ditch him, he's our best ticket out of here." Bonnie said as she turned and saw Deadpool squatting on the floor and leaning against a wall. "What are you doing?"
"Looking for a contact lens. What does it look like I'm doing? Now get down!" Deadpool said as the other three quickly ducked down onto the floor.
"What's wrong?" Kim asked as Ron grunted with curiosity.
"I saw a bunch of army goons walk by." Deadpool said.
"What the hell?! I thought you said this area was clear!" Bonnie said as she tried to look around the corner. When she looked back, she saw Deadpool was taking several pictures of her cleavage with his phone.
"Oh, how the camera loves you, babe." Deadpool said as he took several more pictures before Bonnie grabbed him by the throat.
"You said this room was clear. Now what gives?!" Bonnie demanded.
"I'm not sure. Let me just check this – oh."
"Oh what?" Ron asked.
"I read this wrong. It turns out that the red dots are bad guys and he blue dots were good guys." Deadpool said.
"You just walked us into a hornet's nest, you crazy, idiotic psychotic," Kim said and placed a hand on Ron's massive chest as his eyes started to grow a brighter shade of green.
"Don't get your panties in a twist. I'll take care of it." Deadpool said as he stood and popped his knuckles. He then began to pop his elbows, shoulders, neck, and then drew both of his swords. "Like a boss." He said as he quickly turned the corner.
"What's he going to do?" Kim asked before they heard gunfire, destruction, and the sounds of swords cutting through flesh.
"Holy Crap!" one soldier screamed before the sound of a wet hack was heard.
"If I cut you, do you not bleed?"
"OPEN FIRE! OPEN,"
"It slices! It Dices! It chicken fried rice's!" Deadpool shouted.
"Don't hurt me! I surrender!" another soldier screamed.
"What does this button do?"
The room shook as the lights flickered and the smell of something burning assaulted everyone's senses. All three looked at each other cautiously and gulped. None of them were sure that they should look and see what the lunatic had done.
"So that's what happens when you mix C4 with a bean burrito." Deadpool said. "Hey! You guys coming or what?"
Reluctantly and slowly, the trio came out from their hiding place behind the wall and were both shocked and completely horrified at what they saw. Besides the massive scorch marks from what ever had exploded, there were bodies and pieces of bodies all over the place. What shocked them even more was the fact that one body was positioned to where it was propped up on its shoulders and it looked like his head was coming out of his ass. Kim was paler than a sheet while Bonnie covered both her mouth and stomach. Ron was both shocked and speechless.
"What do you think? I'm not an artist, but I think I should sign this piece of work." Deadpool said.
"You killed them?" Kim asked.
"Listen honey, I'm a mercenary. I was a bad guy, I try to be a good guy when I feel like it, but I kiil people for a living. That's my job. I didn't see you or Gonads the Barbian behind you trying anything." Deadpool said. When he hear Ron growl, he made a very audible gulp. "Are thones veins supposed to be popping out of his head like that?"
"That's probably not a good sign."
"I think I want our mommy now."
"Talking man hurt people." Ron growled as every muscle tensed and his knuckles cracked while he balled his fists, his skin sounding like old leather as clinched them tight. "RON CRUSH TALKING MAN'S HEAD!"
"NO, RON! DON'T!" Kim shouted as she stepped in his way.
"Listen to Kim, Ron." Bonnie said as she stood beside Kim. "If you kill him, you're no better than he is."
"No, Ron. That's still lowering yourself to his level." Bonnie said before her eyes bugged out. She looked down to see Deadpool had both of hands on her breasts. Through the mask, he seemed to be in pure bliss as he kept squeezing and massaging them.
"Soooo soft." The merc said with glee.
"THAT'S IT!" Bonnie said as she grabbed him, pried him away from her breasts, and threw through the wall with such force that it took a good portion of the entire wall with him.
"IT WAS SOOOO WORTH IT!" Deadpool screamed the entire time he fell to the ground before he landed with a loud thud.
"That felt so damn good." Bonnie growled.
"I think we should just get out of here. Ron?" Kim asked and Ron nodded, picking her up in his arms before he and Bonnie leapt out of the hole in the wall.
On the ground, Deadpool stood as bones cracked and snapped back into place. He took a deep breath as his ribs reset themselves and his lungs re-expanded. He coughed up a little bit of blood as his eyes refocused. He patted and looked himself over before he realized he was in relatively good shape. Even without his healing factor, the hospital would have actually been able to fix him.
"I don't believe it. I'm alive. I'M ALIVE! OH, THANK YOU DEAR SWEET" he shouted before Ron and Bonnie landed on him and leapt off into the distance. "ow." Deadpool moaned as he tried to figure out how his guts were supposed to be aligned.
After a while, Deadpool's body had healed and straightened itself enough for him to stand again. He cautiously looked up to make sure no hulk was going to fall on him. If he saw a house heading toward him, he was going to have to check if he was wearing ruby slippers. He breathed a sigh of relief as he snapped his neck back into place and began to flex his limbs.
"Wade Wilson. You better have a damn good reason to be here before I shoot you where it doesn't grow back."
"Get in line, Fury." Logan growled.
"Wolverine! Long time, no see! You know, no one calls me bub anymore." Deadpool said.
"Answer the damn question!" Logan said as his claws extended.
"Easy with the cheese knives, smelly. Some s-hole hired me to make sure the big green guy and his friends got out." Deadpool explained.
"They better be alive, or I'll," Fury started.
"They're alive. Who do you think tried to squash me like a roach?" Deadpool said.
"I'll contact Wade and see if he can contact them." Tony said as he closed his face plate.
"Hey! Don't I get a thank you or anything?" Deadpool asked.
"How about get lost?" Fury asked as he turned away.
"Every time you show up, thing's go to hell. Now get the hell out of here before I give you an ass kicking you deserve. Pencil dick." Logan said as he turned and walked away.
"Did he just insult me?" Deadpool asked himself.
"He can't get away with that!"
"Got that right." Deadpool said and drew his gun.
"The last time you shot Logan, he used us as a pin cushion for his claws."
"So if we do it, we get a whoopin."
Deadpool paused for a moment to reflect on what the voices in his head said. They did have a point. "I do it. Hey! Wolverine!" Deadpool shouted. As soon as Logan turned, Deadpool aimed and shot Wolverine in the forehead. Logan shout in pain as the bullet broke the skin and bounced off the adamantium underneath. "LIVE LONG AND SUCK IT!" Deadpool shouted. As Logan looked up with his teeth bared like a rabid dog, he extended his claws as the skin healed and closed the wound.
"WADE!" Logan shouted as he ran toward Deadpool.
"This is going to hurt, isn't it?"
"I'm going to hide in the subconscious. Let me know when it's over."
"Wait for me!"
Kim was making sure the coast was clear as both Ron and Bonnie hid in the underpass as they returned to normal. She didn't know what they would do if either the army or Fury followed. But Ron and Bonnie couldn't keep traveling in their larger than life forms. Kim kept glancing behind her at the underpass, hoping that both were doing okay. As she glanced one more time, she felt her Kimmunicator begin to vibrate in her pocket. She was glad she kept this with her at all times. A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she saw Wade's familiar face.
"What's the sitch, Wade?"
"Tony just contacted me. He's got a plane waiting for you at a remote air strip that's a few miles from his complex. As soon as you get there, tell the pilot where you want to go. Tony will keep Fury busy."
"Wow. Why is he being so nice to us?"
"He said he owed Bonnie one. I've just sent a map with the air strip's location on it. Good luck, you guys."
"Tanks, Wade. You rock, as always." Kim said and deactivated the Kimmunicator. Kim quickly made her way to the underpass and was relieved to see that both Ron and Bonnie were back to normal. As usual, it looked like Ron was drained both physically and mentally from the whole ordeal. "Got a call form Wade. Tony has a private plane waiting for us."
"What about that guy you're worried about? Fury?" Bonnie asked.
"Tony's also keeping him busy. We just need to get there and figure out where to go." Kim said.
"Japan." Ron said as he slowly looked up. It looked he was suffering the mother of all hangovers.
"Why Japan? What's there?" Bonnie asked.
"Yammanuchi." Ron moaned.
"I'll tell you later. Ron, why there?" Kim asked him.
"They can't cure me, Kim. I'm stuck like this. So, I need to learn how to control this thing inside me. The best way I know how is to finish my training at Yammanuchi. The lessons there are mostly mental discipline anyway." Ron said to her.
"Ron, that's actually a good idea. Let me call up the map and we'll be on our way." She said as she kissed him on the cheek. "And thanks for hitting that lunatic." Kim said to Bonnie.
"Like you say, Kim. No big." She said with a smile. She really did enjoy hitting that mercenary the way she did.
Deadpool was still coughing and wheezing as he limped his way into an old warehouse. Wolverine had done a real number on him. As he walked inside, le lifted his hand and saw that he didn't need to hold the skin on his leg together anymore. He checked out his arm and saw that he had actually did put the pieces back in the right order. His skin tight bodysuit was now ruined, and a few of his toys were out of commission. But still, it was worth shooting Wolverine in the head just to see the look on his face. As he began to put his weight on both legs, one lone spotlight came on. The lone light showed a man that was wearing a dark blue jacket hoodie with the hood completely covering his face. Under his arm was a brown envelope that looked important.
"Were you successful?" he asked.
"They got out of there in one piece. Now how about your end of the bargain?" Deadpool asked.
"The money has just been wired to your account." The man said.
"And?" Deadpool asked.
"The other items as promised." The man said as he took the envelope and tossed it to Deadpool.
The mercenary caught the envelope with ease and tore it open. The contents inside were several large photos that immediately brightened the merc's face as he flipped through them over and over again. "Real nice. Nice doing business with you!" Deadpool said as he turned and began to walk away. "Oh, Rogue! You are a naughty girl, aren't you! Wow, Storm! It looks like the carpet does match drapes! Grrr!"
"Everything is in place. Soon, checkmate. So says the leader." The man said to himself as the light shut off and he began to leave.