Disclaimer: I do not own lfn.
Nothing Left to Lose
The shrill, loud whistle sounded, signaling the departure of the train in front of her. The train that held her life. Her love. Her everything.
She could still see his face. His sad face that for once, was far from blank. It shown of great sadness. Deep pain. Of longing. She could relate to it all.
There was so much left unsaid. All those silenced words, burning through her heart.
"Go on. Have your freedom. Enjoy every last moment. All of it." She whispered in a deadpan voice as his green eyes tried desperately to keep her in sight as the train started to chug away.
"Enjoy it in my absence. Enjoy it for me. And remember how once, I could have been there. Beside you. How once, that was a possibility."
He moved a few seats back, trying to keep her gaze, despite the increasing distance.
" I am destined to change. Remember me, Michael. Remember how I've always been while you were here. Remember the woman you loved. For if you return, you won't find her. You're bound to find a monster instead." She says it now, to his face but out of earshot. These were not words for a sad lover's ears. But they were her words. They defined the only thoughts and nightmares that have paved their way through her mind over the last few days.
She was silenced as her ear caught the sweet sound of a sole flute, playing mournfully. The train was gone. So was Michael. And that sad, sweet song was playing just for her. Wrapping around her heart and constricting tight.
It was the sound of weeping. Of death. Of loss. And it fit so well. Today marked her death. A death of who she once was. Of all she believed in. Her new job would never allow her to keep them. To keep herself. Or what was left of her soul.
She had made her ultimate sacrifices. She let go her newly found father. Watched him die in front of her eyes. She had let go of her great love, reunited him with his son, and watched them leave her here. In this bleak, dark place with the mournful sound massaging her brain.
But none of that was enough. No, she had to sacrifice herself. All of it. Her heart. Her soul. Her feelings. Her needs. All that would be left is a fracture, a shell, of her former self.
The ultimate sacrifices. For a place she most despised and hated. For a position she always scorned.
The tune slid from a low pitched flow to a higher one. Something more pure. More beautiful. With the help of each high note, her spirit started to spark. To awake. And her eyes focused in on the light at the end of a long tunnel of a journey that has already begun.
Surely her eyes must be mistaken. How could a light possibly still be shining in the dark abyss of her future? Was it possible to still hold out for hope?
So much had changed in her life. Everything she suffered through brought out a wave of change. And now she was drowning in it. But staring at a lifeboat. Floating out there if she decided to reach it.
Change. Who said it had to be all bad? Sure, it had been up to this point. Anything she tried to fix ended up backfiring. But now she was in charge. As it seemed, this was the first time her new position really hit her.
She was in charge...
She was in charge.
No one could tell her no. Deny her anything. Her ideas. Her opinions. Her thoughts. Her plans. They would be what governed Section now.
She once was stopped by multiple people. So many, higher than she.
No longer. It was her turn now. And perhaps, just maybe, she'd survive through this. And so would others. So would Section.
Was it possible to change a place that was stuck in it's ways so long? For a place as unmovable and cold as Section, it seemed impossible. But situations like these have surfaced in the time of history. They overcame. So could she. So could this place.
She'd be the change.
Her father once told her she was the savior of Section. But all she could see was darkness. Sadness. Anger. Bitterness.
It was different now. She had nothing left to lose. And she had the power.
She could see change. She could see light at the end of the tunnel. A lifeboat coming closer. And hope, lots and lots of hope that had been strangled out of her in the past. It was all rushing back .
She had lost her father. She had lost her friends. Her lover.
But maybe she could turn around these tragedies that laid before her and turn them in to something good. Something that she could live with.
Her hand slipped in to her pocket, her fingertips touching a few loose bills. With a smile of hope that nearly warmed her hardened eyes, she dropped the bills in to the offered hat of the flute player and walked out of the station.
It was time to start her new job.