Disclaimer: yeah, yeah, you already know what I'm going to say!!!

Mel lay there. For hours, she laid there on the forest floor, not moving. Her mouth was dry, and she ached to sip water out of the nearby creek. She just didn't want to get up- no, she was physically incapable of getting up. She could feel the bugs crawling upon her, using her as home base, as a central feeding area. But they didn't bother her. AT least she had something to keep her company. Actually, she understood the bugs, a bit. They were ignored, and seen simply as pests, and when actually seen they were squashed. That's how people reacted to her. The either ignored her, or they found her annoying and ridiculed her and [emotionally crushed her.

Mel wanted to get up, but she was tired. It seems all she had done was sleep and stare at the bugs. She felt silly after her little outburst. But hey, after everything she'd been thorough, she believed that she was allowed to go a little nuts sometimes.

Oh god, she thought. I'm going to die. I'm gong to sit here, and die. I'm going to rot, and the others will never know what happened to me!

But, a little voice in her head said, will they even care?

"Of course, she hoarsely whispered. "They care, I know they do!

They why haven't they found you? You're not that far from camp, the voice nagged again.

"You don't know where I am," she whispered again.

Do I? Face it Melissa, the others don't need you. Nathan has Daley, Lex has Jackson, Jackson has Taylor, and Eric has Abby. Poor baby Mellie, left alone again. Rejected, not worth anything. They're probably sleeping right now, warm and snuggly in their sleeping bags, Taylor and Jackson sitting next to the fire, cuddling next to each other and then he moves closer, and looks into her eyes. And kisses her softly on the lips, then more and more passionate kisses follow, and soon-

"NO!" she yelped, her voice cracking.

And it's not like your family needs you. Jordan has Aprille, Alex is fine by himself, and daddy dearest is with his whores. They don't care. You are nothing………alone in this world without anyone-

"Shut up!" she yelped as loudly as possible. She struggled to her feet. "I'll show you. I'll make it back to camp, and everyone will be glad!" She gripped a tree for support. Now, she had a decision. Drink out of the creek, or try to make it without water. Mel decided upon the creek. She really didn't know how far away camp was, and who knew how long she'd been unconscious, not counting the day. She just lay down on the forest floor, refusing to get up. But now, she had a second wind. She was going to probe that little wrong. Stupid little voice, she thought, kneeling down next to the creek, careful not to get too close to the water so she didn't get leeches on her.

She sipped the water. It was dirty, but to her tasted delicious. The water ran down her throat, and soothed it. She drank more thirstily. She knew there could be disease, but she didn't care. Water was water, and Mel was desperate, besides, it tasted so good. It was sweet to her, like liquefied sugar or something.

Better drink up Lissa. This could be your last, the voice returned.

"Why don't you shut up and leave me alone? Your wrong, I'm going to be fine!" she muttered, getting to her feet.

Big mistake. Black dots explode in her eyes, and the feeling went from her arms and legs. Her eyes and head hurt. The foliage around her spun. "Oh!" she mumbled, falling back down onto the mud.

See? You're so weak you can't even make it back without passing out, the voice snipped.

"You're wrong," she murmured again. Gradually, she made it to her feet. "I'm fine, I'll be okay," she said aloud, almost to reassure her as much as she was challenging the voice.

Her long walk began. Birds above her hooted happily. Mel wished she were a bird. She could fly away from this stupid island. She could fly away from this stupid island. She could be free, not having to listen to anyone ever again. Just being free to fly away whenever things go rough. But she actually had responsibilities. Sometimes, she resented the others with their "prefect" lives. That's hwy she liked Jackson so much. He seemed to "get" her. He just understood what it was like to have everything taken away from you, to be left with nothing, and to have no one to talk to, to have everyone think you're something you're not. But then he fell for Taylor. Taylor might have been pretty, okay gorgeous, but still. Looks aren't everything. Taylor was selfish, self-centered and completely bratty. She didn't care about anyone but herself. Who approached Jackson when everyone else thought he was strange and weird? She did. Who wanted him to get a chance to go on this trip? Who defended him against her own best friend Nathan? Who talked him into staying, and who still loved him even before she knew his whole story about his video diary secret? Who nursed him back to health ever though there was a chance secret? Who nursed him back to health even though there was a chance it was contagious? She did. She had bended over backwards for him, and all she got was blindsided.

She knew she wasn't as pretty as Taylor, but still. Oh well. Jordan was right; guys think with their penis, they couldn't give a damn about substance, just material. Stupid guys. Hell' I'd probably have better luck as a lesbian, damn it! Too bad I wasn't gay, cuz then I wouldn't' even have to worry about Jackson. I could just forget all about him. She tripped and fell hard against the mossy floor.

See? You're already stumbling and falling, the voice muttered.

"Shut up," she whispered and got back up.

Mel remembered back to what she feared. Jackson and Taylor, together. He's picking her over Mel. Just like dad picked Jordan over Mel. She loved Jordan but resented her somewhat for dad wanting her, but not Melissa. What's wrong with me? She thought. Why didn't dad want me? Why couldn't love he me? Why doesn't Jackson love me? Why am I so unlovable? She thought, her eyes brimming wit tears.

"Not," she whispered to her self. "I am not going to cry over them. It's not worth my time."

Mel pushed on. Her ankle hurt, and eyes hurt, her arm hurt, her ribs hurt, she just hurt generally everywhere.

And then, it began to rain; she stumbled again, and fell face first into mud. She quickly sat up and wiped her face on her arm.

"Why me?" she yelled.

"Why me?" she yelled again, getting to her feet.

'Do you have to kick me when I'm down? What have I ever done to you? Fuck you!" she snapped, looking up at the sky…at God.

"First, you take my mo m. then you take Jordan. Now this trip, then Jackson, then I lose Nathan to Daley, and now this shit? All my life, I have sacrificed for you. I've prayed, I've gone to church, fuck it! I quit! You never help me anyways, so just leave me alone!" she yelled at the sky.

Mel wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. She kept gong. Rain poured down harder on her as if God were taunting her. She plowed on.

"I refuse to give up. I refuse to give in!" She yelled. Thunder drowned out her words.

Then, Mel's foot hit something. She picked it up. The camp knife. "Yes!" she cried. She was almost there. Picking up the last ounce of strength she had, she ran. Ran towards where the camp was, or at least where she thought it was. Soon, she came upon the tent.

But, she didn't go in. She squatted down next to it. The others were quiet. She heard Nathan talking comfortingly to Daley.

Mel heard Jackson laugh. Then Taylor. Mel's face-hardened. Those assholes, she thought. I've been missing, and they're flirting. Screw them. Mel got to her feet, and walked to the front of the tent.

Go in Lissa, to your Jackson. What are you waiting for, the voice cackled.

"I made it. But they can sit in there. I'm sleeping somewhere else," Mel said.

She turned on her heel, and walked towards Lex's shelter. When she got there, she lay down. Rain still dripped down on her, and winds made her shiver. She curled up into a ball, used her arm as a pillow, and soared wistfully at the tent. The others were safe and warm. She could go in there and be safe and warm too, but she'd rather be sitting in this shelter, cold and alone, as always. Soon sleep beckoned, and Mel closed her eyes. She soon was asleep, her mind and body finally getting it's much needed rest. The others sat nice and warm, sleeping also, in the tent, unbeknownst to Mel, their lost friend, being only 40 years away from them.

I would like to also dedicate it to melreincar; I thought I had put you in, sorry about that!

I have been getting recent PM's with people having problems with this story…no, I'm not trying to trash up Mel's image………I just wanted to get into her mind, to figure out why she's so strong, and also why she vies for people's approval………….I'm sorry if you don't like the story, but if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.

I originally had written this 5 different times…i wrote this one because when I was reading my comments and when drivemewild mentioned that with all the stuff she's been through, it would affect her psyche in the end.

That made me wonder………….Mel's been their rock since day one, what would happen if she comes back a little crazy?

The little voice she has is definitely a red flag…the voice definitely ties into the story later on.

So drivemewild, thank you for the inspiration!!!

I'd also like to add the following reviewers to my dedication list:





I'd also like to say thank you to my reviewers…i almost quit the story because of all the PM's I was getting about how the story was not good, and how I had messed up Melissa's image. Thank u 4 the support!