AN: These things will be coming like wildfire. Okay, here's a nice humor one, in a good mood when I wrote this one. Another 1000 theme fic.
Edit: Some typos that I missed before are fixed now
Disclaimer: Don't own ff7 or the Turks (oh nooooo)
Theme 381: I spy
"I spy with my little eye…"
"I swear to God Reno, if you don't shut up I will personally ensure your inability to ever have children again."
Reno winced. "You don't have to be so violent Tseng," he muttered.
Elena glared at him. "Reno for once in your life, SHUT UP!"
The Turks found themselves in a very precautious situation. On their way down on the elevator technical difficulties had become apparent. The elevator had shuddered to a stop, startling all four occupants of the small lift. Luckily it was early in the evening so they had assistance on the way to fix the elevator. Unfortunately the process could take up to three hours. Also unfortunately, Reno was very bored, causing great irritation to the other Turks.
"Well what do you suggest we do then?" questioned Reno.
"Sit still and be quiet."
"You're such a bore Tseng. Pull the stick out of your ass and lighten up."
Reno grinned cheekily and began again. "I spy with my little eye, something that starts with a B." He looked around the lift expectantly, waiting for someone to take a guess.
"I don't know, maybe buttons?" Tseng asked sarcastically.
"You got it!"
Tseng rolled his eyes.
"It's your turn sir," Elena said respectfully, not wanting to admit that even playing a stupid game like I spy was better then sitting here and letting Reno whine to them about how bored he was for the next three hours.
Sighing to himself in defeat, Tseng glanced around the elevator. "I spy something with an I."
Reno glared. "Come on boss, you gotta say the full rhyme! It's no fun otherwise, and goes against the rules!" Tseng ignored him, and knowing he was lucky Tseng had given in at all, Reno shrugged and looked around for something Tseng may be thinking of. "Intercom?"
"Dammit Tseng nothing else in here starts with an I!"
Tseng said nothing, and Rude set his eyes to Reno, who was yelling that Tseng was cheating by choosing items not in the elevator with them.
"Idiot," Rude said calmly.
Reno glared at Tseng. "Were you talking about me?"
"Now Reno I think it would be inappropriate of me to disclose the item in question if you happen not to know it, though honestly you should, all things considered," Tseng scolded lightly at the fuming Reno.
"You wanna play that way? FINE! You're goin' DOWN!"
"It's not your turn Reno," Elena said, turning to Rude.
Rude stared at the three blankly before simply saying, "C."
The other three Turks looked around for something that started with a C, but none of them detected anything. "Wow Rude, you must have found a good one," Elena praised. Rude said nothing in return, just continued watching them through his dark shades.
Tseng gave him a look. "There is no cactus in here Reno."
"I know, but there used to be, before it fell over and injured someone."
Elena glared. "You mean when you knocked it over because you were drunk and it fell on top of me and you left me there and walked off?!" Reno merely smirked in response and went back to thinking of letters starting with a C.
After a few minutes of endless guessing from Reno, Elena finally figured it out. "Camera! It's the camera that's installed in here right?"
"But that's no fair! We can't even see it!"
Elena smiled. "My turn! I spy with my little eye, something that starts with a S! And yes, I am talking about you Reno," Elena said smirking lightly. Reno glared, but then smiled at his own brilliance.
"I know, it's 'sexy' right?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes Reno, it's sexy," she said sarcastically.
"I knew it! My turn!"
Elena pointed a finger at him accusingly. "That's not fair! I was being sarcastic!"
"You still said it."
"But I didn't mean it!"
"So why did you say it? Doesn't matter, my turn. Yo, dot-man, this ones for you! I spy with my little eye, something that starts with a B," Reno announced, sitting down and relaxing against the wall.
Elena blinked. "Calling him a bastard is going a little to far, I think we should stop this game here, before it gets even more out of hand," she said reasonably, glancing slightly at Tseng to see if he was angry.
Reno smirked. "It's not bastard, though that's a good one."
"Bitch," Rude said calmly, and he could swear a vein in Tseng's forehead busted. Tseng stood, glaring at Reno, who was smirking in return, but stood up abruptly when Tseng moved toward him, as if to take him by the throat and strangle him.
"Sir no, it's not worth it!" Elena cried, rushing forward before Tseng did something he would regret.
"Actually I think some people, many in fact, would thank me."
Reno pouted. "Come on Tseng, you know you'd miss me. I'm sure that all those nights-"
Tseng's hand was suddenly around Reno's throat, cutting off his voice. "One more word Reno and I swear…"
Reno nodded quickly, trying to pry Tseng's hands away from his throat without succeeding. Tseng enjoyed the moment a couple more seconds before slowly going to release him.
"What are you talking about?" Elena asked.
"Oh just the nights me and him met up and had some-"
As Tseng lunged at Reno again Rude suddenly spoke up. "E."
It was quiet a few minutes as everyone tried to comprehend what he was talking about. Finally, Elena decided to ask. "What?"
Reno understood first. "Oh the game," he said, completely forgetting about his previous train of thought and Tseng's hand being inches from his neck. "Is it about a person?" Rude shook his head no subtly. "Hmm…" Reno looked around until his eyes met the ceiling, where large red letters stood out in contrast with the wood. "Emergency exit?"
There was a collective pause after this was said, then four sets of eyes were glued to the emergency exit. "Has that been there all this time?"
Suddenly everyone rushed towards the door, Reno shoving Elena to the side to try and reach first. None of them could reach on their own (which gave the exit little purpose if someone were trapped here).
"Rude boost me up," Reno said, stepping into Rude's cupped hands and pushing the door open. Just as he was about the climb up, the elevator jolted and began moving, causing Reno to fall out of Rude's grip and land hard on the floor. "OW! What the hell!"
A voice came over the static, saying the problem had been fixed. Reno glared at it. "A little late now."
"Has it really been three hours? It seems like we were in here for a lot less time."
"See? Playing I spy worked!"
Tseng sighed. Strangely enough, it kind of did.
Alright, longer, finished, humor, what more do you want/ Angst? Then wait for my next one I'm half done with. Thanks for reading, please review!