Summary: He was there now when she needed him. But she wondered, how long would he stay there? How long would the novelty of her child last? How long until he got bored?
She watched him as he paced, gently rocking the newborn in his arms. He was good with him, and she wondered when he had ever learned to deal with babies.
She was amazed at how good he had been since she had told him about him about trying to get pregnant. He had helped her for months with her injections, mastering the art of making her comfortable even as she dropped her pants for him, so to speak. He fought her about every donor she could find. It had taken two months to finally compromise- and even that was under extreme reluctance on his part. His reaction when the first attempt failed surprised her the most. He had found her, held her in his arms, and brushed away her tears without a word. His presence had comforted her, silently promising her that next time would work.
He had seen her through the pregnancy. He had been the only one to know that it wasn't simply a queasy stomach that had her disappearing to the bathroom throughout the day. He had invited himself over constantly and made sure she ate enough and made sure she had someone to eat with. He had been there when she called in the middle of the night, craving something that wasn't in her frig. He had left sticky notes on her desk every morning- some with names she wanted to consider, most with ridiculous names that she wasn't cruel enough to consider. He had been at the first sonogram. And he had been there when her water broke and he had been there, wincing as she crushed his hand in the delivery room.
And he was there now when she needed him.
But she wondered, how long would he stay there?
She watched him and she wondered how long would the novelty of her child last? How long until he got bored? How long until he messed it up? Or, at least, thought he had messed it up?
She watched him and she wondered if he would be around when her son was crying at midnight. Would he be around to change diapers and feed him? Would he be there for his first steps? For his first words? For his first drawings?
She wondered if he would take some responsibility when her son hit his terrible twos. Would he take the time to read to him? To teach him to read and write?
She wondered if he'd still be around when her son was old enough to sit on his lap and follow his fingers as he played the piano for him. She wondered if maybe one day her son would possess that same amazing skill. She wondered if maybe he would learn the same musical talent, and maybe learn to play some other instruments.
She wondered if he would be there on her son's first day at school. Would he see his first A? Would he sit and read spelling words? Help with math homework?
Would his insatiable curiosity for knowledge rub off on her son? Would he give him that enthusiasm to immerse himself fully into whatever caught his interest? She wished suddenly that her son would have had his eyes, ones that could pierce the very depths of a person's soul. Ones with a gaze so intense, it sent shivers down her spine.
She wondered if he would still be around when her son got his first girlfriend… or boyfriend. She wondered if he would know her son's favourite foods, interests, hobbies, personality, and friends. She wondered how many band concerts he would attend; how many sports games he would attend.
She wondered if he would still be around when her son graduated. Would he still be there to move her son out of the house and watch as he disappeared into missed phone calls, holiday visits, and emails? Would he still be there to tell her he would be all right, and so would she? Would he be there to see what kind of man her son would become?
She wondered how long he would be around. She wondered why he was even there right then. She wondered if maybe he hadn't meant it when he said that he didn't want to actually father the child. She wondered if maybe he had and now he regretted that choice.
She watched him as he rocked her son. He looked up, smiling and cooing something nonsensical. He smirked and she hid her groan, knowing that she had been caught watching him. And she couldn't help but smile because, in that one look, she knew that nothing had changed and nothing would ever change. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.