I don't own these characters and I don't own the song.
"I gotta get you outta the streets/ I disagree when you tell me that you're doing it for me… I need you here with me…" Street Symphony, the remix.
The night Kyoko woke up alone in bed, she tried not to think anything of it at first. She considered Shego might have just gotten up for something in the apartment and would be back. She even listened for the soft noises of Shego moving around. When she heard nothing, she still held onto the hope Shego was just in the condo somewhere, unable to sleep for whatever reason.
After a few minutes of waiting, she knew that was not the case. She frowned, but tried to tell herself it was not possible. There was no way her beloved would go out and do something dangerous after they had had an argument about it and reached an agreement. But, after a few more nights of such behavior, she figured Shego had gone back on their agreement.
At first, Kyoko wanted to sob, but she held it in. She allowed her anger to devour any sorrow with in her. Why should she cry over this? It obviously meant nothing to Shego, so why should she shed tears?
"Darling," Kyoko said as Shego entered their bedroom after being absent for yet another night. She glared at Shego from her side of the bed.
"Kyoko!" Emerald eyes went wide and Shego gasped in surprise. She had not expected Kyoko to be awake obviously.
"Where have you been?" Kyoko inquired as if everything was fine when she was actually boiling over with rage. It did not even matter what Shego had done, whether she had gone out to "work" or had just gone out. The fact that she had done it in a sneaky manner made it seem like a betrayal because she obviously did not want Kyoko to know about it.
"You know, out," Shego answered nonchalantly and with a shrug to boot. She was a bit shocked she had been busted, but she did not think anything of it. Surely, her girl would cut her a break after all they had been through, she reasoned. It was not like she had gone out and killed someone and it was not like she was out sleeping with other women. Surely, her girl would forgive her. She just needed to stop the itching.
"I thought you were not going to go 'out' anymore," Kyoko stated, still speaking plainly, but her mood slipped in a bit.
"I couldn't help it. We do need money to live," Shego argued since she could tell her woman was just a tad upset with her.
"We have money to live," Kyoko pointed out. They had more than enough money to last several lifetimes.
"Well, we need a steady income," Shego countered. Silently, she begged this line of reasoning to work, even though she could already feel it failing.
"Shego, I really cannot do this," Kyoko sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. She stayed up late, worrying about if Shego would come home now. And if she did come home, what kind of state she was going to be? What if she ran across some horrible people? What if she did business with people who betrayed her? It was scary just thinking about and she just could not take it anymore. If that was what Shego wanted, that was fine, but she did not want to be any part of it anymore.
Shego looked around the room and moved closer to the bed. "What are you saying?"
"I do not want to be up late all the time worrying if you are going to come in or not, thinking you might have been arrested or worse. I cannot take this stress. It's nerve-wracking. I do not want to lose you," Kyoko answered.
Shego hurried to her girl's side and embraced her. Kyoko returned the hug with her own, holding on tightly to Shego. She really did not want to lose Shego. She loved Shego and appreciated everything Shego did and was doing for her, but she was scared for Shego and for herself actually. She did not know what kind of lowlifes Shego dealt with and what they might do to either of them if something went wrong. Yes, she knew Shego was strong, but Shego was still only one person and she could not be around all the time.
Beyond that, how was Kyoko supposed to trust Shego now? It was one thing to lie to her through omission, but this was something more. Shego said she would not do this anymore, but here she was, doing the same thing that troubled the relationship in the first place. It was like Shego had no regard for her or their relationship?
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I didn't mean to make things hard on you," Shego apologized. She did not mean to do what she was doing. She just wanted to be a good girlfriend and make sure they would have everything they wanted, needed, and deserved. She had no desire to hurt or scare Kyoko during the process.
"So, you will stop?" Kyoko asked in a small, hopeful voice. She was afraid Shego would give her another excuse as to why she could not stop and she knew it would be the final straw. She just could not take it anymore.
"I'll stop," Shego promised. Kyoko knew she should not believe her, but she wanted to believe Shego so badly.
Kyoko smiled and held on to Shego tighter. Shego smiled, too, and leaned in for a kiss. The touch of her lips felt true, so Kyoko returned the kiss. The embrace turned passionate, but loving.
So, it was settled, Shego was going to stop. I can stop, Shego told herself. Kyoko believed she could stop and she would stop for Kyoko. Or that was what she told herself.
Just like when she quit before, Shego continued to think about stealing. She tried her best not to be distant when it came to Kyoko, especially if they were in bed. She did not want to run the risk of Kyoko assuming she was cheating on her or something just as ridiculous. She took the role of being the homemaker out of the pair of them since she really had nothing else to do with her time, giving Kyoko a chance to study more.
They even discussed Kyoko applying to Go University, or really any other university in the United States, for graduate school. They needed some excuse to get her to stay in the country since she was about to graduate. If Kyoko had to leave, though, Shego was prepared to pack up and go right with her. Her Japanese was just as good as Kyoko's English.
Everything seemed to be going smooth until some old clients contacted Shego while she was out grocery shopping of all things. They figured it was all right since Shego disliked setting things up over the phone, unless she and the other party involved were both on payphones. They had a job, a tantalizing job for the simple fact of where they wanted her to break into, which was high-security office building. They would not take no for an answer, needing the blueprints for some kind of high-tech weapon. It was something she had never done before, but she told herself she could not betray Kyoko's trust again.
"She'll never forgive me," Shego muttered to herself, as she turned and walked off. Kyoko will never forgive me and I love her and I love our relationship. Just keep walking. They followed her, though, practically begging her to do this job.
She tried to insist that she was out of that life, but the fellows just kept offering her more and more money. It did not help matters she knew the place they wanted her to break into. She would love nothing more than to try. The place was supposed to have the best security system a building could have. At first, she walked away and just told them she did not do things like that anymore and they would need to find someone else. Her resolve did not last long.
She did a complete 180 and accepted when she wandered by an expensive jewelry store that very same day and saw a diamond necklace she just had to have for her beloved. It would be a magical graduation gift, but she did not want to steal it. She did not steal anything she gave her girl except for their first anniversary gift. She knew Kyoko would never want to have something ill gotten. She thought that one degree removed from the stolen item made gifts okay and Kyoko seemed to be fine with that.
A little evil voice in the back of her mind told Shego that the graduation gift was just an excuse to agree to the job. She had that same old itch that came up every time she quit stealing. She wanted the thrill she got from breaking into some place and making off with supposedly secure item. She missed that and wanted it back, if only for the night. Her lover would never know and she could just quit again. It was that simple to her.
Kyoko frowned and paced the living room as the night pressed on. She had come in from class and found Shego was not home, which she did not think anything on. After a few hours, she started to worry. She called Shego's cell phone several times, but those calls were not answered. Ironically, Shego had recently bought the cell phone just so they could stay in touch and it was supposed to keep Kyoko from worrying about her. Kyoko hoped nothing happened to Shego and she did not know what to do, so she sat by the phone, hoping for a call.
The only time she left her seat was to use the bathroom. She even stayed up late that night, waiting, praying for a call from her beloved. She stared at the door, listening carefully for any sound just beyond it. There was just the stark, bleak silence, though.
She nodded off for a moment and when she woke up, she noted the light blinking on the phone. A message had been left. She played the message immediately, hoping it was Shego.
"Hey, baby, don't get mad at me, but I need your help. I need you to go into our closet and go into a shoebox. You know which one I'm talking about and then I need you to… come bail me out… of jail," Shego said into the voicemail. Her voice sounded ashamed and embarrassed.
"Jail?" Kyoko echoed. She frowned deeply, practically scowling.
She could not believe it. Shego had gone out and gotten arrested, just like she told her would happen. Shego had been up to her old tricks. So, the money was what she really wanted. It was never about them and she kept ignoring that.
Kyoko swallowed as it felt like her heart exploded in her chest. "Why do I have to love her so much? She clearly does not love me so."
It was all about money and Shego obviously would never stop. In fact, she was just lying now. She pretty much lied right to Kyoko's face, hugged her, and kissed her, thus betraying her and their entire relationship.
"I do not matter to her. Only the money matters," Kyoko growled, hoping to drown out the burning in her throat.
She was angered and hurt by that realization. Shego had lied to her while looking her right in the eye. Okay, apparently, Shego would rather have money than have her. Fine, it could be that way then. She would not stick around for things to only get worse and for her to only get hurt again, maybe more than just emotionally. It was over.
"I will never let her hurt me again, never let her lie to me again," Kyoko decided.
Shego was released from lockup after making bail. She could not believe she had let something as stupid as a silent alarm cause her problems. But, she supposed it was all right since her lover had come to bail her out. The odd thing was that Kyoko was not there to greet her upon her release. The car was there, but her girlfriend was not. It was weird and she waited around for a while, hoping Kyoko would be back. But, Kyoko never made an appearance.
Shego drove the car home and found the place silent and empty, which her body mimicked out of anxiety. Swallowing hard, she tried to squash down the anxiety. She rushed through the place and discovered some oddities, mostly that her beloved's clothes were gone. Not the expensive clothing, but the clothes Kyoko wore daily, along with her shoes and her books.
"No, no, no," Shego said and searched the apartment more thoroughly, hoping to whatever divinity there was in existence that her girl had not actually left her.
Everything for the most part was still in their home. None of Kyoko's jewelry was missing, except for the golden triangle earrings she wore all the time from their first anniversary. Pretty much everything she had ever brought Kyoko since she started stealing was still there. And then she noticed the light flashing on the phone, telling her there was a message waiting. With a trembling hand, she played the message.
"Darling, it is quite clear to me you have no plans to let go of that life and I just cannot do this anymore. I cannot pretend I do not know what is going on. I cannot pretend it does not hurt when you leave me at night, especially after telling me you would not do this anymore. I will not allow you to lie to my face anymore. If that is the life you want, then it is yours, but I will not be a part of it. I wish you the best. I do still love you and may always love you, but I cannot be with you anymore," Kyoko informed the voice mail.
Shego growled in anger and slapped the phone off of the nightstand, not caring if it broke. "How could she just leave like that?" she roared.
Worse yet, Kyoko did not tell Shego where she was, so Shego could not go after her. Added to that, she made it seem like it was all Shego's fault. They could have talked things out like before. They could have done so many things, but instead Kyoko left the like the coward she always was.
"Fine," Shego snarled. "Kyoko just wants to leave after all I've done for her? Fine! Go ahead and leave! I don't give a damn!" She kicked over the dresser, watching her photo album clatter to the floor.
It landed on a picture of them hugged up in the Go University quad. Shego snarled as she snatched it up. She almost burned it in her hands, but scowled down at their youthful smiling faces. Screw them.
She would show Kyoko. She would continue on and just fine. She would wait Kyoko to realize her mistake and she would come back. She was sure Kyoko would come back. After all, no one would ever treat Kyoko the way she did. No one would ever treat Kyoko like a queen, so she would come back for that. She would… right?
-*-(Five years later)-*-
Kyoko worked late that night, still at her desk with a stack of paperwork. Her office glowed under the artificial light and the sound of pen scratching across the paper bounced off the wall. Occasionally, she moved from paper to the computer and typed responses to emails.
She needed to get things in order because Nakasumi-san had to make a speech for the grand opening of one of his new factories tomorrow. They would have to be on the plane early, too. She would look terrible when it was all said and done, but she did not really mind that.
She did not have anyone she needed to impress visually. She was pretty much married to her work and did not have time for a social life, not that she wanted one. She loved her career, as best anyone could love a job. Her attention was diverted from her papers as she heard a noise in the office across the hall, Nakasumi-san's office.
Kyoko rose from her desk to go see what was going on. She knew Nakasumi had left for the evening, wanting to prepare for tomorrow, so she was not sure who or what was in his office. She opened the door, causing light from the hallway to flood into the dark office, allowing her to see a figure clad in green and black sifting through the filing cabinet that was positioned against the wall in the rather large, lush office. She gasped and the figure faced her, making her gasp again.
"Shego?" Kyoko said, not believing her eyes, but there Shego was, standing only a few feet away from her.
"Kyoko?" Shego's mouth fell open in shock. Of all the places Drakken had her heisting things from, Kyoko had to be here? What were the freaking odds? Oh, man, Kyoko looks good, her mind immediately noted. That magenta mandarin-style shirt clung to her former woman in all of the right places. Aging had done her well. She still looked like such an angel.
"I would ask what are you doing here, but that is fairly obvious," Kyoko remarked, trying her best to sound normal. The sight of Shego dredged up a lot of memories and emotions, all of them mixed. Her heart beat heavy against her ribs, hurting her chest. She did not know how to feel, even though the sight of her former lover confirmed something she had suspected since she left.
"It's obvious for one of us. What are you doing here? Became a secretary and found yourself a sugar daddy?" Shego teased, smirking. The taunt hid the fact that she was hurt and embarrassed to see Kyoko, to have Kyoko walk in on her while she was working. There were so many nights she longed to hold that slender body in her arms in the past and she could barely remember what that experience even felt like because back then, even when she held Kyoko, her mind had been thinking about stealing. She still itched, but since Kyoko left, the itch had been for her.
"I am Nakasumi-san's most trusted and valued assistant," Kyoko declared, putting her chin in the air. It was an honorable job and allowed her to work in the business world, as she desired. This would open doors most could only imagine. She had fulfilled her dream and apparently, Shego was still doing the same old thing.
Shego rolled her eyes. "Big deal," she muttered, trying to make light of the confident woman and the fact that she had found her niche in life.
"And I can see you're still doing what you love. I always wondered why you flipped through dozens of papers almost everyday. And then I heard about you achieving international infamy, being wanted in eleven countries. You must be proud of yourself," Kyoko commented, rolling her eyes.
"I am," Shego stated soundly. Well, she had been until she saw Kyoko. Now, her life seemed so meaningless, like nothing she had mattered because something or someone was missing. Her heart felt like it was crushed in her chest just from looking at Kyoko. Whatever soul she had left withered the moment Kyoko caught her.
"That's good. I suppose we never had any hope then, huh?" Kyoko muttered, thinking aloud more than anything else. Apparently, she never would have been able to compete with Shego's "career." So, it was the best thing that she left. The revelation coupled with the feeling Shego's presence confirmed merely agonized her further. She did a good job of not showing the pain, though.
Shego was stunned by those words and they made her stomach flip. Did they really have no hope? She never thought that for a second when they were together, but she did not see the point in voicing that. It would be best if she let Kyoko think that since there was no chance of them ever being anything again.
"If you leave now, I will not call the police on you," Kyoko stated. She was not even sure if she could call the police on Shego, but she needed to say something to get Shego out of the office and hopefully prevent her from stealing whatever it was she sought.
Shego smirked and decided to tease Kyoko again. "Aw, you still love me," she quipped.
"I do," Kyoko easily confessed, which stunned the hell out of the thief. That was what the sight of Shego had confirmed. She definitely still loved Shego with all of her heart and soul. She probably always would, so her career would have to be enough for her. "I love the you that you once were before the money was everything and the only thing that you wanted."
Shego scoffed loudly. "You loved the hero I used to be. That's what mattered to you." It was never about loving her, but having a hero that could protect Kyoko, she was willing to bet.
"You know that is not true! I already told you, I would have stayed with you through every hardship you ever faced, not just the low paying job or the small apartment, but everything! But, you lied to me, twice. I forgave you and you lied again, as if I did not matter. You betrayed my trust and proved I did not matter to you in the slightest. The only thing you cared about was money. I was just an excuse for you to use," Kyoko shot back.
"You mattered to me!" Shego blurted out because of the heat of the moment. Damn, she really wish she could take that back. But, then again, she wished she could take a lot of things back when it came to Kyoko. Being without Kyoko itched more than not being able to break and enter did.
"You had a funny way of showing it," Kyoko remarked with venom in her voice, venom that she felt bubbling in every inch of her. God, how she wished Shego had shown her back then that she mattered instead of lying to her so many times. She would have stayed if that were the case.
Shego did not miss a beat and regained her composure, at least outwardly. "It went with your funny way of appreciating it, running away without even bothering to talk it out."
"I did not want to be lied to again," Kyoko huffed. Lying seemed to be the only thing Shego did when talking to her back then.
"You shouldn't have asked then," Shego said with disdain in her voice, as if that made any sense. She folded her arms across her chest and scowled.
Kyoko shook her head and then wrapped her arms around herself. "That is no way to have a relationship. We used to be open and honest with each other. We used to be able to tell each other everything and then suddenly I was not supposed to ask and you would lie if I did? That is no way to behave, especially toward a lover."
Shego was stuck. How could she debate against that? Their relationship had been closed off once she started being secretive. She used to be able to tell Kyoko everything under the sun about her, but when she became a thief that all stopped. She was not able to talk about anything because she had been fearful she would lose Kyoko and that happened anyway. Smooth move, loser, her brain commented. She had lost the most precious thing in the world to her and she was so stupid she only just now realized it completely; or at least, she just now acknowledged it.
"Kyoko…" Shego wanted to say something, but she was not sure what. Taking a breath, she swallowed down a lump in her throat that she knew was utter despair and loss. "I… I just wanted to make you happy." She sniffled. It had been many years since she cried and she feared she might do it now, in front of the reason she had last cried.
"As I constantly told you back then, when you never listened to me, I was happy and I wished you had just been able to keep your word. I would have been happy with you, Shego, if only you had kept your word. But, now we are where we are. So, like I said, if you leave now, I will not call the police," Kyoko stated plainly. She kept her arms around herself, feeling like the position was the only thing keeping her from falling apart.
Shego inhaled deeply, wanting to compose herself more. It was impossible. She had practically shattered into herself and she was not sure she would ever be whole again. She just did not want Kyoko to know that.
"What if I just take you along with what I came here for?" Shego proposed with a sinister smirk. Too bad her voice cracked in between the question.
Kyoko glanced away and sighed loudly. "What good would that do us?" She turned back and glowered at Shego. "You would take me to your lair, tie me up, and ravish me for the rest of our lives? How could that fix what has been broken? Do you think that would make me want to be with you again? Do you think that would even be close to a substitute of what we had? Would that make you happy?" Kyoko hissed, sounding insulted and quite angry. How dare Shego even joke about doing such a thing to her after what they had in the past? After they had been so close and so in love? How dare she even think such a thing after what they had?
"Kyoko…" Shego reached out for Kyoko and then dropped her hand to the side.
Shego was not sure what to say. She wished there were words to get Kyoko to give her one more chance right now. She would actually leave it all behind this time and never look back. Kyoko had been the one thing in her life that gave it meaning. She wished she could bring herself to say those words and that her former lover would believe them and they could be together again, but she knew that such a thing would never happen. Kyoko probably would never believe any words that came out of her mouth now. No, she had ruined that trust in the past and it would never come back.
"Just leave, Shego. Make this easier on the both of us this one time," Kyoko pled, tears starting to well in her eyes at the sight of the woman she knew she still loved with all of her heart and she probably always would. She wished they could go back and do it all over again with the knowledge they had now. Maybe they would have been able to save their relationship or maybe they were just doomed to fail. She would never know.
Shego doubted she would ever feel as low in all her life as she did at that very moment. And instead of prolonging the agonizing moment for the sake of seeing the one woman on the planet she loved just a little longer, she obeyed Kyoko. If only she could have done that all those years ago, they both mentally commented.
Now, it was too late for them. There was no "them" and there never would be. There was only a past, a fading photo album locked in a safe deposit box. In that past, a teenage Kyoko and Shego loved each other and they smiled together while holding each other tenderly and telling each other everything, their hopes, their dreams, and how they would have a future together. In the present, a grown Kyoko and Shego loved each other and agonized over it, separately, never to be together again. The future was a dark place of loneliness and despair with only work to comfort them.
Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed the story. If so, please, check out some of my other works. Also, maybe check out my books on Amazon under the name S. L. Kassidy. For now, I'm returning to my padded room. Hopefully, I'll be back and so will you. Thanks again. I appreciate the support.