Disclaimer: Don't leave food unattended, don't leave food alone with people you don't trust, don't leave food alone with people you do trust if they have sick senses of humor, don't . . . well just don't leave food unguarded in general. A more serious warning, in bars especially don't accept open containers from strangers that you didn't watch them make. And go with a friend that will look out for you, safe calls are a good idea too.
Harry Potter and The Power of Love
"Cooking club?" Ron asked suspiciously.
"And knitting, and sewing." Hermione added. "All useful things to know."
"I'll be happy to come eat whatever you make," Ron said magnanimously. "I am your friend and I figure that it's the least I can do."
"Not just eat," Hermione said quickly. "Participate too."
"But isn't that kinda . . ." Ron paused when he noticed the growing look of rage on his friend's face. "Time consuming, I've finally decided to spend a bit more time studying and I don't think I could go."
"Oh . . . I'm sorry Ron, I thought you were going to say . . . I guess it doesn't matter." Hermione sighed. "I just wanted to get a boy in the club so people would stop saying that it was just women's work."
"Doesn't Harry know how to cook?" Ron asked guiltily. He wasn't about to do something so unmanly himself, but he had no problem throwing his friend to the wolves.
"That's right," Hermione said enthusiastically. "And it'd be good for him to learn how to fix those rags his relatives make him wear. Thanks Ron, you're the greatest."
"I know," Ron said smugly. He'd avoided the club and cheered his friend up, he really was the greatest.
"I gotta go find Harry," Hermione said quickly.
"I think he's up in the dorm," Ron said helpfully.
"No problem." Hermione rushed up the stairs and found her friend sleeping on his bed.
"Wake up Harry," Hermione ordered. "I said wake up . . . get up . . . get up . . . you sure do sleep soundly." The girl said in exasperation. "I know." She pinched his nose and covered his mouth with her other hand.
"Murph," Harry gurgled as his eyes shot open.
"Wake up Harry," Hermione said cheerfully.
"I was having the greatest dream too," Harry muttered.
"Oh, what was it about?"
"Well, you were in it . . . and Ginny, Lavender, the Patil twins, Fleur." Harry listed names for several seconds.
"What kind of dream has all those girls in it?" Hermione asked innocently.
"Uh . . . I dreamed that the government was run by all of you and I was a . . . flying . . . tulip?" Harry finished uncertainly.
"Weird," Hermione said with a laugh. "I wonder what it means?"
"I don't know," Harry said quickly. "Did you need something?"
"I want you to join our domestic skills club," Hermione said quickly. "Several of us are getting together to learn how to cook and sew and do that sort of thing."
"Sure," Harry agreed with a yawn. "When did you want to meet?"
"Now," Hermione said. "Get up." Hermione pulled the drowsy Harry out of bed and dragged him to an empty classroom.
"Hey girls," Harry greeted the assembled club. "Am I the only boy?"
"Pansy tried to get Draco to come but he wouldn't," Daphne replied.
"Oh." Harry tried to decide if this was a good thing or a bad thing. "Ok, do we have a kitchen set up?"
"Dobby is arranging it in another classroom," Hermione said. "So does anyone have any ideas what we wanna make?"
"What do you have?" Harry asked. "Certain things need certain ingredients."
"What about soup?" Padama asked. "Can always make soup, doesn't really matter what you have."
"Dumplings too," Hermione added.
"It is ready now Ms. Hermy," Dobby popped in to announce.
"Thank you Dobby," Hermione thanked the house elf to the disgust of some of the other students. "Maybe we can make some bread or something too."
The group stomped to the other classroom and began their preparations and they soon had several cauldrons filled and put on the fire to simmer.
"Now what?" Hermione asked.
"Now we wait," Harry replied. "Slow food tastes best."
"What should we do while we wait?" One of the girls asked.
"Needle point?" Ginny suggested with a blush.
"Knitting?" Another added.
"Why don't we all go back to our rooms to get some things to do?" Hermione suggested. "The charms on the cooking cauldrons will prevent the food from being ruined and the charms on the room will prevent the fire from being dangerous." The others agreed and the room was deserted.
"I thought they'd never leave," Draco muttered to his two goons as they crept out of a handy broom closet. "Let's go."
"Right boss," one of the bookends agreed. The three boys crept into the impromptu kitchen and looked around. "Which one do you want us to put the potion in?"
"Dose all of them," Draco said. "We don't know which one belongs to Potter and if they're here then they're all mudbloods and traitors."
"Isn't Pansy in the club?" One of the thugs drooled.
"She needs to learn the price of disobeying me," Draco growled. "I told her not to attend and she needs to learn to respect my wishes."
"Right boss." The three boys poured a mysterious potion into each pot and managed to escape back to their broom closet before being discovered.
"Take this," Draco ordered.
"What is it?"
"Breath mints," Draco said. "You both need them."
"Did you hear something Harry?" Hermione said as they walked past Draco's hiding place.
"Nope," Harry said. "Why?"
"It must not be important." They walked back into the room and waited for the group to assemble. Over the next few hours, Harry and the group of girls traded tips on knitting and needle point until finally their meal was finished.
"Who wants to take the first taste?" Hermione asked nervously. "Ok then, why don't we all try it together?" In unison, several spoons went into the pot and withdrew into their owners mouthes.
"Needs more slug," Luna pronounced.
"We didn't put any slug in Luna," Hermione said.
"I know," Luna agreed. "I just think a few slugs would improve the flavor."
"Maybe next time," Hermione forced herself to say.
"Ok," Luna agreed. "Does anyone else feel hot all of the sudden?" The rest of the group watched in shock as the brain addled blond began to disrobe.
"Now that you mention it." Ginny began loosening her robes.
"I . . ." Hermione looked around the room full of partially dressed witches.
"Headmaster," Snape screamed as he burst into Dumbledore's office. "My mark is fading, Voldemort is dead?"
"What?" Dumbledore said in shock. "But how . . . where's Harry?"
"No one's been able to find him," Snape replied. "In addition to that, several other students are missing."
"My god," Dumbledore gasped. "Harry led the DA on a strike to eliminate Voldemort, we've got to go help the survivors. How will I break it to Molly if her sons didn't survive?"
"Uh . . . they're just fine Headmaster," Snape said slowly. "I saw the Weasley boy on the way up here."
"What?" Dumbledore snapped. "Get Minerva, search the school, make a list of who's missing, and one other thing."
"One other thing?" Snape asked, he knew he was going to regret this.
"Make me a sandwich," Dumbledore ordered.
"Yes Headmaster," Snape sighed. Snape gathered his fellow professors.
"What's this about Severus?" McGonagall asked.
"Several students may be missing," Snape replied. "And Voldemort is dead, the Headmaster wants us to search the school and assemble a list of the students that can't be found."
"Right," McGonagall agreed. "You search the dungeons, I'll . . ."
"I can't," Snape said through clenched teeth.
"Because . . . because the Headmaster has given me another mission."
"What mission?" Minerva demanded.
"He wants me to . . . wants me to . . ." Snape franticly tried to think of think of something to say besides the truth. "Make him a sandwich," Snape finished in defeat.
"What?" Minerva asked flatly while the other teachers tried unsuccessfully to hide their laughter. "Could you repeat that?"
"He wants me to make him a sandwich," Snape growled.
"I'll have Pomfrey take a look at him again," Minerva sighed. "In the mean time, just do what he wants and try to keep him calm." The Professors spread out and began searching the school, eventually McGonagall found herself standing in front of a very familiar broom closet. "Come out of there," Minerva ordered. "Look, I've taught at this school for several years and my ears are trained to pick up the sounds of . . . of certain activities. Either you can put on your clothes and come out or I can open the door." After a few minutes, Draco and his goons came out of the closet.
"It's not what it looks like Professor," Draco said quickly.
"I'm not going to take any points Draco," Minerva said gently. "But I don't think this is something you should keep hiding."
"But nothing happened," Draco said loudly.
"Could we have some more of those mints Draco," one of the dull boys asked. "They taste good."
"Just be on your way Mr. Malfoy," Minerva said. "And know that if you ever need to talk then my office is always open." Minerva watched the three boys leave and shook her head. "I hope his father reacts to the news better then I think he will, the poor boy doesn't need to loose his family on top of everything." Just as she was about to leave, she heard sounds coming out of another room. "Did they put something in the water?" Minerva growled. "Come out of that classroom . . . come out or I'm coming in . . . fine, you asked for it." Minerva growled. The old woman threw open the door and nearly fainted in shock, she'd found the missing students. "Mr. Potter, Ms. Granger, Ms. Lovegood, Ms. Patil, Ms. Brown, Ms. Patil, Ms. Weasley, Ms . . . stop that," Minerva ordered. "I want all of you to stop that and listen to me." Minerva's rage grew as the students kept undulating and paying her no heed. "Damn it I . . ." she sighed. "I guess you all deserve a little consideration after defeating Voldemort, very well. You may continue." With that, the old woman closed the door and continued her rounds.
"So what you're saying is that Draco put a strange potion in your food that caused everything?" Ron asked. "And after a bit of naked happy time you fried Voldemort through your scar, that's how he died?"
"Yep," Harry agreed.
"Damn it, I never should have said no when Hermione asked me to go to the meeting." Several of the other boys muttered in angry agreement.
"Yep, but you all did." Harry said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got another meeting to attend."
"Harry," Neville began. "I saw Hermione's father storm in with a lot of other angry fathers. Why aren't you in the hospital wing where they said they were putting you?"
"And after their daughters convinced them all not to off the father of their children . . . well . . . I'm sure you can guess." Harry replied.
"Fifty times over," Harry agreed. "Later guys."
"Damn you Harry," Ron screamed at his retreating friend.
"Wait," Dean said. "Draco is the one that gave them that potion."
"Let's go men," Ron shouted. It took them two hours but the group managed to corner the young Malfoy.
"Really," Draco screamed. "I don't know what was in the potion, I just took Longbottom's last mishap and mixed it in."
"Neville?" Ron turned to the other boy.
"Sorry Ron," Neville shrugged. "I have no idea."
"Well?" Harry asked.
"Winky would be happy to be the Nanny for Harry Potter sir's children," Winky agreed.
"Great," Harry said. "Now all I gotta do is find forty nine more house elves."
AN: This idea popped into my head earlier, I should be doing up my resume and working on my taxes but I did this instead.