Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana.
Last Resort, First Relief
A week since Miley came back to school and things were more or less the same as they had been. A lot of people have gotten over it and had stopped bugging Miley but there was still a large portion of people taunting her. Leon the most annoying of all. He just wouldn't quit. Even other students were telling him to leave her alone but he just wouldn't listen.
Right now it was Tuesday, the beginning of school, and Miley was walking to her locker with Lilly and Oliver at her side as usual. She noticed Leon and his gang hanging out on the opposite side of the hallway from her locker. She noticed his amused grin and narrowed her eyes in suspicion. What was he up to? She put in the combination of her locker and opened the door. Something attached to a piece of paper fell out. She raised an eyebrow and picked it up. It was a razor. Written on the piece of paper was something from Leon.
If at first you don't succeed, try try again! For Seaview's number 1 emo
Across the hall the group of boys erupted into laughter. Miley crumpled up the piece of paper, making sure to cover the razor, and threw it in the trash. Then she walked over to Leon. He was still laughing.
"What's the matter? You didn't like my present?" He said.
"Man, what the fuck is your problem?" Miley half spoke, half yelled. People in the hall turned to look at both of them. "What the hell did I do to you? Can't you just leave me the fuck alone? God, try to show some fucking maturity you bastard." Leon wasn't exactly sure what to say. Miley looked seriously mad. "Just leave me the hell alone," She said before turning around and walking back to her locker. Miley furiously grabbed the books that she needed and stuffed them into her bag. Then she stormed off towards her class. Lilly and Oliver exchanged worried looks before following after her.
Oct. 16th 07
Fucking Leon! He just doesn't know when to quit! Today he actually went as far as to put a fucking blade in my locker. What the hell is his problem? Seriously, I want to know what I did to him. Why does he feel like he needs to fuck around with me? Sorry I'm cussing so much but he just makes me so mad. I hate it. Doesn't he think my life is hard enough? God, it's like poking an angry tiger with a stick. Eventually it's going to have enough and bite back. I need to try and forget about it. Oh wait, I have counselling today...in like 15 minutes. (sigh) What else can I think about...
Ok, I know this is going to sound stupid, asking an inanimate object, but you think I should start up Hannah Montana again? I mean, even before...before, Hannah hadn't been doing much. Me and my dad had talked about a few things but nothing really happened. And now...well, there's really only two ways for me to really express how I feel. One is just writing it down in this journal and the other is to write a song and I've written a few. I'm just not sure if they're really "Hannah" material. Way more angsty than anything I've done before. If I were to put out an album with some of those songs how would people react?
There would definitly be critisim but then again there always is. And what about the fans? Shouldn't I write/sing about what I feel? I'm really not up to singing about some imaginary boy or being very "Pop-y". I know, pop is what Hannah is but I'm not trying to be Hannah. I'm trying to be Miley, and Miley doesn't want to be smothered by Hannah. (sigh) I'm not sure what to do anymore. On one hand I could take a risk and record my songs, on the other hand Hannah has a reputation to keep. I don't know! Maybe I'll talk to my dad about this, let him see some of the songs I've written, the less angsty ones. If he thinks it's a good idea then I'll do it. If not...then...I don't know...
Miley put the pencil down and rolled on her back. She was thinking about it. Could a few sad songs really hurt Hannah's career by much? It's not like artist never make the occasional sad song. Besides, she needed to freshen things up a bit and take a new turn.
She reached over and opened the top drawer of the dresser next to her bed. From inside she pulled out a notebook. Inside the notebook were all the songs she wrote. She flipped through a few pages, reading a few lines from her older songs. She stopped when she reached the new ones she had written. She read them. She closed the notebook and shook her head. Those songs wouldn't do, they were too...dark. She opened to a blanks page and tried to think of another song. Something not as dark but still expressed something.
Maybe give out a message of some kind but what? 'Don't commit suicide', yeah, that would really go well, especially when Hannah had fans that were 8 or 10 years old. She rolled her eyes. No, nothing as blunt as that. Hmm...well there were kids who had problems and hard lives. Maybe she could reach out to those. What could she say though? She narrowed her eyes as she concentrated on what to say.
Well, it was always nice to know that you weren't alone, that there were other people that could relate to you. After all, we all have problems to go through. And no matter how bad things get you should never let go because there's always going to be something nice that you'll be leaving behind. Like your friends...
Miley rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling as she tried to think. She decided that she had a good enough message, you're not alone and don't let go. Now all she had to do was build a song around it. She sighed. The lyrics part was never easy. Have you ever tried getting emotions down as words? It was hard. She lay there, tapping the pencil against the side of her head and trying to think.
Her dad came in after a few minutes and broke her out of her thoughts. It was time for counselling. Oh joy... Mile got off her bed and checked herself in the mirror. She looked fine. She started to walk out of the door but paused. Then she turned around and grabbed her journal from the bed.
Miley lay on her bed at night. Her counselling did not go over well. In the beginning things were good but suddenly it was like it was starting to slip. Not just the counselling but something else, what exactly Miley wasn't sure. She just got the feeling of slipping. Miley was laying on her side staring at the wall. She sighed and turned over.
Why was she so depressed all the time? How come everytime she smiled it felt fake or forced, anything but genuine. She ran a hand through her hair. Honestly, what was wrong with her? Why did it always seem like she was so alone, even when she was crowded in a room full of people? Her arm started tingling. At first she just passed it off as an itch but as she stratched it seemed to grow more. It was so oddly familar, and almost missed. What was it? Her hand shot off her arm as if on fire when she realized what it was. It was the feeling of wanting to cut. She blinked.
She should not be feeling that. Her arm still felt that way and she just started at it in the darkness. She swallowed. This could not be happening. She hadn't felt the urge to cut herself for a while so why the change all of a sudden? She shut her eyes and put her hands to her head. This did not bode well.
A/N: Holy Eff dude! I swear I totally forgot I even had this fic and then it was like so sudden and damn, I'm sorry guys, really I am. I hate me now. Hope there's someone still reading this.