I don't own Twilight or New Moon, or Eclipse. Though by this point I would hope that most people realized it.
I returned from the forest quickly with my Alice, but when we neared the house the aura of pain, guilt, and nervousness overwhelmed me. I grimaced and had trouble not sending out waves of my emotions onto my family and Bella.
I could still smell the distinct scent of human blood within the house which caused me to run straight up to my office. I didn't want to have to face my family, much less Bella. I didn't deserve to consider her as my little sister, and I didn't deserve to ruin Edward's happiness, yet I didn't want to become another Edward. God knows that I have enough trouble dealing with his inner turmoil and if you added mine then soon my entire family would be feeling as guilty as Edward does on a normal day, just without the love.
I closed the door to my office signaling to everyone that I just wanted to be left alone. Then again no one ever came in here except for Alice, and even then she never heeded the warning of the closed door, which was lucky for me. It always meant that my wife would be there to comfort me when I needed it most, when that door was closed.
I turned on the computer on my desk and started looking at colleges. I knew that even with this incident I would be expected to go off to a college and it was always a lot of work to find a college that would allow for my 'special needs' as well as Alice's. I hollowly tried to look at the web pages, but the script that I was so used to escaped my mind. I was more entranced by the conversations going on throughout the house.
I could hear Esme and Carlisle softly whispering to each other how much they loved each other while both were secretly feeling despair about what had just happened. The hope that had bloomed from within them since Edward had met Bella had seemed to disappear as fast as it had appeared in the first place. I could tell that they didn't want to know the effect of my actions because they couldn't be good.
I could feel Bella's worry as she noticed Edward not approaching her as he should have. He was feeling the obvious guilt that seemed to overwhelm my systems, though he didn't realize that it was my fault. Bella still felt scared, confused and scared. I could hear her clunky footsteps as she moved closer to my wife, as she offered some new clothes.
I could hear their conversation as if they were standing right next to me instead of several rooms away. "Alice?" I heard Bella ask in a low tone, as if none of us could have heard her.
"Yes" Alice answered back in the same tone, probably just to keep Bella happy, even though she knew that it changed nothing.
"How bad is it?" Bella asked. It was almost as if she had expected what Alice saw was to come. Though my Alice hoping that Edward would change his mind lied hoping to give Bella something to think of.
"I'm not sure yet."
"How's Jasper?" That was Bella in the essence. She had just almost been sucked dry for the second time in a year and instead of running screaming or being scared at all she was more worried about me. I knew what Edward was talking about now; she really had no sense of self-preservation.
"He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of a challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak." I almost felt like Alice was lightening the depth of my feelings, though I wasn't sure if it was for my sake or for Bella's. I knew that Alice understood what I was thinking. It came with the grounds of being soul mates and having lived together for more than 50 years.
"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?" Bella's acceptance of my flaws, flaws that might have killed her made me feel horrible. The fact that I so nearly killed such a forgiving person was only just starting to truly weigh on my conscience. Not only was this my brothers girlfriend, but she was about as innocent as innocent can be. She had never tried to hurt anybody and cared for even those people who had hurt her, no matter how intentionally.
I unconsciously started sending out waves of my misery, though not very far, it really only seemed to affect Emmett and Rosalie in the next room over, because instead of the softly muffled words I received a fist, Emmett's, banging on the wall. I sighed and collected my thoughts drawing in the feelings that I had been radiating.
I listened to the now oppressive quiet as Edward and Bella left with only the soft hum of a motor, which obviously didn't belong to Bella's car. I was just wondering how I could be so weak, yet so strong. Throughout my entire vampire life I had been the one in control, and even before that. I had commanded two very powerful armies, and had swayed them to my beliefs, yet when matters come to a simple human girl I was lost. All of the control that I had gained through years of practice and in some cases sheer dumb luck had disappeared. Not only had I disappointed my family, but myself as well.
I heard my little Alice's usually confident steps moving timidly towards my office. She knocked on the door, which had me worried. She had never once knocked on my door before, and she was incredibly worried. Every other time that I had almost slipped; she always barged right in here showing me all of her love, forcing me to overcome my guilt and start acting normal again. I gave her a simple "Come in." that was followed by a heavy sigh.
She poked her head through the door. "Hey, Jazz." She slid in the rest of the way and almost jumped to where I was. "I know that you heard what Bella said. She really doesn't want you to feel bad. She knows how potent her scent is, and she still cares about you."
"I know. I could feel her emotions, which weren't scared or angry, merely upset and worried, almost guilty. Edward was right. She really has no sense of self-preservation." I looked back at my desk in shame.
Alice wrapped her petite arms around my shoulders. "Jazzy. Please just feel better. You know that Bella doesn't want you to feel guilty. Please just smile."
I looked up at her and as quickly as possible flashed a quick smile and let it drop. She sighed which caused me to roll my eyes and stand up. "You want a smile do you miss Cullen?" with that I picked her up and ran to our room, well mainly her room. The room was filled with clothes and just in general things that don't really appeal to me and my taste. Still to make her happy.
I threw her onto the bed where she landed with a tiny oomph. I watched her squirm into an appropriate sitting position and glare at me. I was slightly confused, until she held her arms wide open with an expression that could only be saying 'you're a boob.' I let a small smile escape as I walked towards her and picked her up before falling back onto the bed. Unlike Emmett and Rosalie thought there was more then one use for the bed. Not only 'night-time' activities, but just lying down and enjoying another's presence, like Alice and I.
We stayed lying on the bed watching the stars move across the sky and basking in the semi-warmth that the blankets provided. It wasn't until the early morning when Edward came home to change that we moved. From even a mile away I could feel the despair and the pain with a huge amount of determination.
He slammed the door open and in an emotionless voice said. "We're leaving."
Just for future reference. This is the story I'm going to be writing when I don't feel like doing homework or doing a different story. So the likely hood that this story is going to be updating quickly is really low. Most likely I will update every couple of months. So thanks for reading and I hope that you all enjoyed this.
Please review. If I get enough reviews I might end up making this story a higher priority then my others.