The RAA: Remus Admirers Anonymous
Chapter One: The beginnings
It started out as a joke, really, about three months ago…
Remus 'thunk'-ed down next to his friends one morning near the start of term, and groused.
"What's up with you?" James asked, setting down his goblet of pumpkin juice.
"Yeah, Remmy, you look like someone shoved a flubber worm down your trousers," Sirius said, poking Remus with his fork.
Remus glared dryly at his friend, "Your fan club."
An over exaggerated gasp, "No! What have the 'WLAEASB' done now?"
Remus sighed, "The 'We Love Absolutely Everything About Sirius Black' club has accosted me in the hallway again. Sirius, it's the eighth time this month, not to mention they're the most infuriating group of girls that have ever banded together to form one positively evil confederacy… of doom!"
Sirius gawked, and then slammed his head down on the table. "I don't understand those big words you used!"
Remus looked at Sirius, his long hair falling over his shoulders and onto the table, his shoulders shaking slightly in suppressed laughter. "I fucking hate those evil sons-a-bitches," the werewolf stated blandly.
Sirius's head shot right back up, wide eyed. Remus never cursed. "Whoa," Peter said.
Sirius stared, but then his face pulled into a wide smirk, "You're just jealous I have a fan club."
Remus sighed, "Sure, what ever you say Pads," and he pulled some food onto his plate.
Silence lasted about five seconds before a thought hit Sirius, "I know what to do to fix this monstrosity!" he exclaimed.
"Oh no," a sudden feeling of dread washed over Remus.
"Oh yes!" Sirius threw an arm around Remus's shoulders, "I'll get you a fan club!"
"…You say 'oh' a lot, Remus," the most popular seventeen-year-old in the school said. "You keep on moanin' like that I may have to do something one of us might regret."
The next day Remus was walking down the corridor when a poster taped to it caught his eye, and then said eye twitched. He ripped the poster off the wall and ran to the Gryffindor common room.
Remus barged through the door and slammed the poster down on the table in front of Sirius and interrupting his and James's exploding snap game. "The. Fuck?"
Sirius stared innocently, "You're starting to curse a lot Moony, who've you been hanging out with?"
"You," He sighed, "Why'd you put these up?"
The poster read:
Love books? Love learning? Love the library? Love pretty boys with perfect golden hair even when he doesn't use a conditioner? Love gold eyes to match? Then come to the first official 'Remus Admirers Anonymous' meeting at 1:00pm in the Room of Requirement this Saturday! And, yes, I'm talking about Remus Lupin, marauder and best friend of Sirius Black!
"I told you I'd get you a fan club, so there you go!" Sirius smiled cheekily.
Remus stared again, then finally saying, "You're infuriating, I'm going to bed," and he left.
Sirius sat on a table in the Room of Requirement at 1:00pm on Saturday. He was interested to see who (and how many people) showed up to this little meeting.
He had come in at about 12:30 to get some tables and pillows and, what ever else he felt they'd need, into the room. Then he just sat down on one of the tables and waited, inevitably getting very bored.
At precisely 1:03pm two Hufflepuffs, about 5th year maybe, came in and stopped, stared, opened their moths to say something, but then stopped and stared again.
Sirius smiled hopping off the desk, "Glad to see Remus has some admirers--," the girls started to talk again, "—I'll explain when every one else is here, if that's what you want. …So, then, sit somewhere," and he went back to sitting on his desk.
Around 1:30 Sirius finally decided to explain what was going on. There were about twenty-seven girls in the room, from 4th to 7th year and were from all houses but Slytherin, and all were undoubtedly wondering what Sirius was doing here. "So…" he started, "you guys all admirer Remus?" Most nodded, some giggled, Sirius shrugged. "Ok then, it all started um…. Thursday and Remus was accosted by my fan club, the 'WLAEASB', so I naturally assumed he was jealous and created this, the 'RAA', 'Remus Admirers Anonymous', Remus's fan club. I'm simply here because I wanted to see how many people showed up," Sirius saw some money passing between a couple hands and a slightly proud smile pulled onto his lips. "…I actually have a question for you all." Murmurs passed about and Sirius waited for them to quiet down to continue. "Why--," he paused and re worded what he was going to ask, "—what do you girls find attractive about Remus?"
Loud talking erupted from the group and Sirius was taken aback, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down! I can't hear in such a high pitch, only dogs can hear as high as you guys."
"WE'RE GIRLS!!" a blond Ravenclaw yelled.
"Oh, shut up, Beth!" Another girl called. An argument erupted between the two and Sirius stood there amused as the cat fight progressed and then was over quickly and the two girls quickly called a truce.
"So, all I heard was 'great hair', 'really smart', 'sweet', 'kind', and 'nice arse', anything else?" Sirius asked, talking down a list of everything they'd said.
"He's really cool!"
"He has a way with words!"
Sirius nodded, taking everything down, his tongue sticking out slightly from between his lips. "Ok, ok! So…" he looked at the parchment in his hands, "that's… really long. …Anyway! So, since this is an anonymous meeting-sssss, you're not allowed to talk about them, and not allowed to—hold on, I made a list of rules." He turned and tacked a poster to one of the walls. He smiled and stepped out of the way to let the girls read the poster.
Rule #1. No talking about the 'RAA' to anyone but another 'RAA' member.
Rule #2. No talking about the 'RAA' to anyone but another 'RAA' member.(1)
Rule #3. I, Sirius Black, am founder of the 'RAA' and thereby undisputed president; I will never be mentioned in association with the 'RAA' because I have a reputation to keep up.
Rule#4. There will be no more fighting after today.
Rule #5. Meetings will only be held on Saturdays without Hogsmeade trips, and are always at 1:00pm.
Rule #6. No bad mouthing Remus or any other of my friends, or face the consequences.
Rule #7. All 'RAA' members must sigh at the bottom of this piece of parchment, thereby signing to an oath of silence about the goings on of the 'RAA'.
Rule #8. I will not tolerate any Slytherins and any found will be thrown out and the victim of many a pranks.
Rule #9. If you object to any rule then shut up 'cause it's my club and I don't care what you really think, 'cause where just here to talk and gossip about Remus and his hair.
Rule #10. If any of you are here to try to get close to me, Sirius Black, founder of the 'RAA', number one member, and president, then you can just shove off cause you're out of your tree to think I'd consider you if you just want to use Remus to get close to me. I do have some morals.
Rule #11. If you didn't notice that Rule #1 and Rule #2 are the same, you have no chance with Remus Lupin.
Sirius smiled, "Ok? Who wants to sign first? …OH! I do!!!" and he ran up and scribbled his name on the poster of the 'RAA's rules in very big loopy-ish letters. "HA!" He exclaimed, "I guess Dumbledore will be able to read that!(2)" One by one the girls came up and signed their names too. Sirius committed every face to every corresponding name and house, just to be sure no one talk about what was going on, and to see who would be looking at Remus later on in what he calls 'life'. Sirius and the gang of girls talked for another hour or so getting acquainted and learning names.
"Alright-y then!" Sirius said clapping his hands together, "See you all next week! I'm hungry, good bye. No talking about Remus with out me!!" and he ran out! The rest of the 'RAA' club followed out slowly, heading to dinner.
Sirius expected to have fun with his little club, and he did, he just never expected to fall in love with Remus because of it.
TO BE CONTINUED!! (1) Fight Club. If you've ever seen/read it the first to rules of fight club are 'You do not talk about fight club!'. (2) John Hancock said "There! I guess King George will be able to read that!" after signing the U.S. Declaration of Independence, that's why his signature is so big.
So, you like it? There's more, the updates will be sporadic at best, and possibly short. But I really want to get at least one full story on here! I have two others I need to update, one not since '05 I think, but anyway! I hope you like it!